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Bullying has turned me into a joke

N

neckclicker

Guest
I always had a relatively happy life, up until secondary school, where I started to get bullied.
This came to a head in Year 9, when out of nowhere the bully came up to me and punched me hard in the back of the neck. :redface:
Now I have seen a chiropractor (unsuccesfully) and am now going to another specialist who I have been referred to, who hopefully can relieve the problem, although I have been told I am probably going to have to keep the clicking/cracking in my neck.

It is this clicking/cracking which I have got ever since I got punched.
You could say that I may have got a cracking neck anyway, but I'll never know.

Anyway, this may interest the psychology students amongst you, I hope you can help (Yes I know this is no substitute for professional help, but as I am on a long waiting list, I would appreciate help from you:clap:

Basically, every time my neck clicks, I get upset, thinking it shouldn't be happening, because I didn't deserve to get punched. This is annoying but I can live with it.
It is when I get an "extreme" case that I get upset.
Let me give you a real life example that happened recently:
Suppose I had to be on the phone for half an hour to my doctor about my neck (which I believe wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the punch), then I missed the chance to talk to someone. (I heard them outside while I was on the phone, but when I had finished they were gone).

I then worried about this when I heard them the next day outside my room. By this I mean I hesitated and thought whether I should just burst out and talk to them or not, as we haven't really spoken before.
It would undoubtedly have helped my confidence if we had spoken the night before, but of course I was on the phone because of my neck.

I now think of many things that "would have" happened had we spoken, but that haven't happened.

You must be thinking: just talk to them now. Well thats the problem: I don't think this is "the right time" and am worried that if anything goes wrong in the conversation its getting too late to call friends for support on this.

It is this chain of thought: If I never got punched, I wouldn't have been on the phone then, we would have chatted yesterday, we could then have chatted more today, we would be on our way to becoming great friends.

that annoys me, because that is not true.
I could try and make friends today, but if it doesn't work I will be so upset.
Its like being normally upset at someone rejecting you I guess, but with the added damage of it being because of an old bully. :cry:


I welcome you guys to challenge my thoughts, and give me good advice.

Thanks in advance:cry:
 
S

saffron

Guest
Hi NC
im no therapist but i can see this an associated pain reflex, when you hear the click you associate it with being hurt both mentally and physically, the fact that you feel you cannot approach the people at the door is another issue.
ASk the person if they could spare five minutes for a talk in private and apologize for not opening the door and then you can explain why, which is what you want to do, If they have no time ask them when they have so you can apologize, they should accept that you are at least trying to comunicate further. I no it easier said than done but try and get into a position where you 'bump' into one in a quiet area and then ask.
its a horrible feeling when someone hits you without no reason, it normally turns out that someone is just an insecure bully that frightens people to be their friends or is being abused themselves. whos to know, its a real dilemma but there is always someone to talk to confidentially in school about your problems.
hope you feel better soon
S
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Why don't just go up to the person next time you see them and say something like "Thanks for coming round the other night but I had to take an important call and couldn't get to the door" then that leaves things open for them to speak or say why they called.

I'm not sure if you are having a conditioned response when your neck clicks or if it's resentment. Only a psychologist in a clinical setting would be able to define that.

What I always say the best way to get over bullies is pity them. They only bully because you have what they don't and that's how they try (and fail) to get over their inadequacies.
 
N

neckclicker

Guest
firstly, thanks for taking me seriously, many people don't:cool:

also, do you have any experiences with a psychologist?
i'm not sure how good they are...
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Like anyone doing a job, psychologists can vary, I've seen one I really got on well with and the last one I couldn't get out fast enough but they had a fantastic reputation. It's chemistry between you and the person you're working with in the end. It can be very hard work but very worthwhile and since psychology is about changing behaviour by changing thinking it may be worth your while thinking seriously about it.
 
T

Twylight

Guest
Hello neckclicker and Welcome

I've got a crunchy neck too, I had whiplash a decade ago, but I've got used to it now.

I'm a great believer in ' Synchronicity ', and all it's complexities
 
N

neckclicker

Guest
Like anyone doing a job, psychologists can vary, I've seen one I really got on well with and the last one I couldn't get out fast enough but they had a fantastic reputation. It's chemistry between you and the person you're working with in the end. It can be very hard work but very worthwhile and since psychology is about changing behaviour by changing thinking it may be worth your while thinking seriously about it.
hey, what exactly do you do with a psychologist? whats the difference between them and an ordinary counsellor?

and to the other dude who replied - what is synchronity?

Thanks
 
S

saffron

Guest
there are a lot of different types of counselling and psychotherapy you just need to see which one would suit you.
Do some research on them on the net, for instance:
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counselling.html
there are behavioural therapies, which focus on cognitions and behaviours, psychoanalytical and psychodynamic therapies, which focus on the unconscious relationship patterns that evolved from childhood, and humanistic therapies, which focus on looking at the 'here and now'.
also see : http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/treatments/psychotherapy.aspx

hope this is of help, people need help in different areas of their lives and in different ways, so your therapy will be unique to you.

S
 
N

neckclicker

Guest
any estimate of what the NHS waiting list for psychologists is like?
 
D

Dollit

Guest
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity

This explains synchronicity.

A psychologist is a specialist in the way that behaviour is affected by thinking and thus by changing our thought processes we can change the way we behave. The most famous therapy at the moment that is being used is CBT - congnitive behaviour therapy. A clinical psychologist will train for 6 years and call themselves Doctor.

A counsellor is someone who doesn't have to be trained and even if they are they are trained in certain areas only.
 
T

Twylight

Guest
Yes, Synchronicity is when an action can lead to a consequence - which leads to another consequence etc...

EG: Jesus could see the synchronicity of Love...
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I've been punched in the back of the head, hard before, & I have a bad neck injury form when I was a kid. From time to time I have to see Osteopaths.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
sorry to hear about that, does it help?
S
The Osteopaths? Yes they do. Last time I went to see a Cranial Osteopath as I was getting migraines every day. They got rid of them. My neck gets put out easily - it isn't right again - I should go back & see the practitioner again really.
 
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