Bulimia

[Sall1]

Hi there,

I've been reading your threads out there and thought that i'd post one too. First of all thank you for sharing your thoughts and threads - I feel slightly less alone in my own struggle knowing that there are others out there possibly experiencing similar things.

Not really sure what to write but will try to say a bit about what's going on for me perhaps. Don't know if i'll get a response but it helps just to write things down anyway. What's the harm I guess??

here goes nothing........... I've suffered from anxiety and depression on and off for about 15 years and although i've always known it - my GP has recently diagnosed me with having bulimia nervosa. It all feels very strange to me and frightening to have this out in the open I guess. This forum feels less threatening to talk about it. It feels like now my GP knows, that there's no going back and even if I could would I really want to?? I just don't know and feel very confused about it all. A big part of me doesn't want help, I just want to curl up with it as i always have done - it's familiar and familiar sometimes feels very safe to me. On the other hand i'm damaging my body and that's not good really. My fertility is damaged and this is devastating to me. This in itself has made me fairly unstable recently with bouts of self harm via drug overdoses. My GP knows about this, so don't worry about this if anyone is? I don't want to end my life, i just want to feel happier in myself and one day have children etc. I feel like such a failure of everyday of my life - not really sure how i'm going to bouce back from this but I am doing positive things to try to get well.

My GP has referred me to see a psychologist who i'm seeing on Friday -this is frightening. Don't know if I can go ahead with the appointment, like I said before if i'm helped then i will lose an old familiar friend - bulimia. It's twisted I know. It's just sooooo twisted and it very very frustrating.

If anyone has any thoughts that they would like to share with me then i'd appreciate it so much.

Thank you for listening.

Sall1
xxx

 

[Dollit]

Perhaps you will lose Bulimia that old familiar friend but Bulimia isn't a good friend. See the psychologist. All psychologists do is look at the way you're behaving and teach you how to approach things differently so that you can change that behaviour. It's quite hard work but it's worthwhile and then that new friend self-respect and her sister self-esteem can come around instead.

 

[Sall1]

Hello

Thanks Dollit,

Thank you for replying to my message, it's nice that someone is there and has read what i've written down.

Am feeling a bit off today but will be ok - got to be haven't ya!

I think you are right about the self esteem comment. Replacing bulimia with self esteem would be nice for definate. Maybe I should go to my first psychologist appointment - i'm struggling to help myself right now so what's the harm in getting someone else to help me.

Thanks for the too - a girl can never have too many hugs!!

Sall1

 

[Dollit]

Well my day hasn't been wasted then. Going to see the psychologist could be the break you need. Be good to yourself because you really are worth it.

 

[yakuza]

Hi Sall1,

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is the most common type of psychological treatment for bulimia and involves talking with a therapist.

CBT will help you to look at your emotions in detail and to work out new ways of thinking about situations, feelings, and food.

It may also involve keeping a food diary which will help to determine and assess the triggers for the binge-eating.

Best of luck with your appointment

 

[Sall1]

Ups and Downs

Hello Anyone,

How can it be that one minute i'm ok and the next i'm my eyes out over things that just don't make sense? Am really fed up. Sometimes I need to cry but can't and other times I cry with little control over it (like now). Just so tired you know. My depression is being treated with citalopram but am not too convinced if the drug is working - think i need a higher dose or something??? Problem is I don't feel as though i can ask for a higher dose as I took a nasty overdose about 4 weeks ago and my GP is being very careful about my prescriptions right now.

Can't say I blame her though, it could take her some time to trust me again. Trust has to be earned and not just given I guess. Apart from giving her my word which would be sincere at that moment in time, I can't guarentee that a total wave of sadness might not rush over me and make me that unstable again.

I feel like a loser - a couple of hours ago i was fine and now i feel lost and sad. Think i'm going to have an early night tonight and try to sleep - yeah right I wish! Sleep what's that these days???? lol!!

I'm throwing myself heavily into my job which is great for work productivity but bad for me. I don't stop to even eat or to have a five minute break but this is all about an illusion of feeling in control. Am such a perfectionist and work so hard to try to please everyone else but never myself. It's a really tall order sometimes. My GP says that i hide behind my job, when she said this I felt so angry with her but after I thought about what she'd said a bit more, i know that she is right! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh my head is in pieces atm. Sorry you guys............sorry for this excessive rant!

to you all
xx

 

[Sall1]

Hi Yakuza,

CBT rings a bell actually. The psychologist who i'm going to see is an expert in eating disorders and I think she uses CBT with her patients. It's highly likely that this is what will happen with me too.

I'm willing to try anything once. Nice to hear from you

Sall1
x

 

[Dollit]

Hey sweetie, I feel like that sometimes too. Quite recently in fact. If we knew the why we'd know how to help it. And it is very easy to hide behind your job - it's really the perfect front.

Years ago a very wise GP said to me that I had to go out and take only enough money to get back home. I had to go for a walk and go nowhere and when I'd been nowhere I could turn round and come back home. It took me ages to get what he meant but I still do that now, nearly 20 years later. Not everything we do has to mean something.

Have you talked to your GP about sleep hygiene?

 

[yakuza]

Hi Sall1,

I'm sure that your therapist with be able to point you in the right directions.
It's about trying to get the balance right.
At the moment you seem to have more than one or two things that are affecting the other so the therapist will go over everything that affects you on a daily basis,work out a routine with you and take it from there.
Step by step you may begin to feel that you are getting somewhere.
I think your therapist will try to work with you to attain some achievable targets and that's what's important right now-achievable targets!

The best of luck with everything Sall1

 

[Sall1]

Hi Dollitt,

Have been thinking about what you said that your GP told you. Is it like saying the following: that when you feel so lost within yourself as I do now, that no matter where you are/what you feel or where you're going; as long as you have a place to define as home which is safe or a goal - keep heading in that direction. One day you'll arrive home and you'll know you're well because you'll have found yourself???? You didn't need much money with you because all of the resources that you need are always with you within yourself????

Maybe I just think too much??

x

 

[Dollit]

Spot on I'd say. It's also about not having to have things or targets to define yourself, it's okay just to be. He's actually still around that GP and whenever I repeat that story everyone always says, "That sounds just like X"! He's good.

Anyway it's been loving chatting to you today but I'm bushed - had a great day out and now need to cuddle up to a certain Burmese cat!

Have you thought about doing a blog to track your progress. Lots of people here do one (me included) and it's surprisingly helpful. Just down by the cafe.

 

[yakuza]

CBT

Hi Sall1,

You may find this information helpful...




What does CBT involve?

If you have individual therapy:

You will usually meet with a therapist for between 5 and 20, weekly, or fortnightly, sessions. Each session will last between 30 and 60 minutes.

In the first 2-4 sessions, the therapist will check that you can use this sort of treatment and you will check that you feel comfortable with it.

The therapist will also ask you questions about your past life and background. Although CBT concentrates on the here and now, at times you may need to talk about the past to understand how it is affecting you now.

You decide what you want to deal with in the short, medium and long term.

You and the therapist will usually start by agreeing on what to discuss that day.

The work
With the therapist, you break each problem down into its separate parts, as in the example above. To help this process, your therapist may ask you to keep a diary. This will help you to identify your individual patterns of thoughts, emotions, bodily feelings and actions.

Together you will look at your thoughts, feelings and behaviours to work out:
- if they are unrealistic or unhelpful
- how they affect each other, and you.

The therapist will then help you to work out how to change unhelpful thoughts and behaviours

It's easy to talk about doing something, much harder to actually do it. So, after you have identified what you can change, your therapist will recommend "homework" - you practise these changes in your everyday life. Depending on the situation, you might start to:

Question a self-critical or upsetting thought and replace it with a positive (and more realistic) one that you have developed in CBT

recognise that you are about to do something that will make you feel worse and, instead, do something more helpful.

At each meeting you discuss how you've got on since the last session. Your therapist can help with suggestions if any of the tasks seem too hard or don't seem to be helping.

They will not ask you to do things you don't want to do - you decide the pace of the treatment and what you will and won't try. The strength of CBT is that you can continue to practise and develop your skills even after the sessions have finished. This makes it less likely that your symptoms or problems will return.

(Royal Society of Psychiatrists).

 

[Sall1]

Hi Yakuza,

Thank you for the CBT information - it's really helpful to know what I might expect over the next few weeks. Getting nervous about tomorrow morning's first appointment with psychologist but I have to go and will. Am seeing the GP after work tonight for more 'monitored' medication . I think she just wants to have me check in for a pep talk and to make sure that i'll go tomorrow. I know she means well though.

Just gotta bite the bullet really. My real motivation for doing this therapy is to hopefully one day have children. Like I said in a previous thread somewhere, my fertility is stuffed right now and the GP thinks that once I stabalise my eating behaviour that things might start to settle down with the assistance of some other drug called metformin. Fingers crossed! It's a real motivator for me - possibly the only motivator but still it's better to have one thing that nothing at all right.

Well I gotta go for now as am getting ready for work and have to go soon.

Will catch you later.

Thanks again for the CBT stuff and I hope you are well too

How are you?

Sall1
x

 

[yakuza]

Hi Sall1,

Good luck with the GP today and fingers crossed for tomorrow,I hope it goes well for you.

Best of luck

 

[Sall1]

Thanks.

I saw GP today and have wrote about it in a new blog as suggested by Dollit - Thanks Dollit!!

Feel free to take a peek and thanx for thinking of me. I'll keep you guys posted about the psychologist.

Hope you're all ok.

Sall1
xx