• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Bulimia for many years

K

Kristo32

Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Shrewsbury
Hello all,

I don’t know how to write this really and I certainly wouldn’t talk about it or admit it unless on an anonymous platform such as this.

I will try and make an extremely long story relatively short.
I turn 42 this month. I first purged after eating way too much food when I was around 20. That first time was purely due to being unable to move through gorging but the relief I felt from purging made me feel so much better. I was at an age where I was trying to be attractive and as I’m sure Is a standard story, when after doing this every day I started to drop weight and people noticed then it became easier and the norm.

I was happy!!!! There were no negative side effects at the time and I had no reason to think it wasn’t ok other than I knew I had to hide it.
I’ve now moved through adulthood and been unable to stop despite promising myself I would. I’ve been caught and denied it (useless) and my poor wife still has no choice but to believe my lies although I know deep
down that’s she knows. It got so easy that I don’t even think about it now. I can purge in the time it takes me to use the toilet, clean up and I’m done. I don’t even think about the process.

In the past few years I have started to notice a few negatives. Whereas before I’d lose weight, now it’s like my body holds onto it and that’s not what I do it for. I do it now for relief from over eating. I simply can’t just have a small portion. I have to eat a huge amount and finish it all with the thought ‘it’s ok I’ll get rid of it’
I can feel a ‘bubbling’ in my throat often and a have wind a lot (burping not farting) which people notice.
I told my gp who almost sort of dismissed it as ok in a way but I think to be honest I lied about how long. He gave me some gastro pills called omeprazole but just like my ad’s I stopped Taking them.

ive not much more to say on it right now but I’m scared. I have kids and a wife and I want to live a long happy life for them but I fear my issues may have had such a negative effect that I’ve caused problems that I’ll never come back from.

I know this must stop. I’m most concerned that if I do, can I come out of this ok??

I’m sorry this is hard to write and therefore probably hard to read. Thank you
 
K

Kristo32

Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Shrewsbury
I should add for absolute clarity, I’m no angel, i rarely drink but when I do it’s too excess and recently drugs have crept into my life and I also have detrimental effects on my testosterone levels from steroid abuse.

jesus, I’ve never written this done before, it’s awful
 
J

Jassy1981

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
64
Location
Wolverhampton
Firstly im so sorry to hear this im diagnosed with anorexia nervosa iv recently released i have suffered with it since age of 14 im now 38 i think the first thìng you should do is open up to your wife i know this will be verry hard talking from experience but you really do need support from her that will be your verry first step.
 
T

tocopheryl acetate

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
1
Location
United States
Hey I feel you, I started when I was 12 and I'm 30 now and just now getting therapy and trying to fix myself. I'm mad that it took me so long to stop ignoring it. Its hard for me when it gets to the points where all I think about is food over and over. Because I restrict usually so once I have it, I binge. Then feel guilty, you know the rest...
I feel your pain..don't beat yourself up. We are only human, we are trying our best..
 
K

Katie1234

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Salford
Just read this and couldn't believe how similar my e.d is to yours. Its uncanny. I'm also scared reaching out on this website but surely it can't do any harm... so many of the experiences you have described are and have been for far too long ever present. I always find myself feeling like I want some kind of praise for purging silently quicker than anyone can wee. I know right, not normal mentally. If anyone even overheard me purging tho I'd be mortified. I feel like this disorder iv got will last forever. I can never imagine a day when I eat a normal sized meal and I'm content without going to the bathroom. Impossible
 
Top