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Bulimia and Anorexia

R

Rain264

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Uk
I'm new to this forum but since reading threads on the ED topic so far I have learned that my binge eating is a behaviour used as a coping mechanism for something else. I am completely unable to read my emotions at the time of a binge/purge. It's like a numbness. A stillness in fact. It wasn't always like this though.

I was once new to this 'fascinating world'. At 15 years old, I developed the determination to lose my "puppy fat" and after the high wore off I realised that one thing stayed with me; Binging.

I used to binge for different reasons, such as when I had starved myself and finally gave in to my ravenous brain and suddenly I couldn't stop myself, and there in that sitting I would have cleared everything in my path. I'd wait for my dad to go to sleep so that I could tip-toe my way through all the cupboards. Any time I was up eating after dad had gone to bed felt wrong, because if he caught you he would shout and it used to make me jump out my skin. Only because he had work early in the morning and anything waking him was a sign of disrespect. As I'm writing this I'm realising why sneak-eating late at night probably made me feel so dirty. However, on a different scale, perhaps in combination to enraging my dad, I was also being big & greedy. As it stood, I already hated being the only one eating, so knowing my family were up in their bedrooms getting ready to sleep, like I should've been, added to the wrong I felt. There was something about eating at night time, whilst alone, that seemed unreal and easy to brush off. Obviously not even tasting anything that reached my lips, but just filling a hole, of some kind! At times of sneaking food much like that, my last meal would have been just before purging the day before and I liked to somehow jot down in my mind that: If it was purged, it did not count.

I will break down the different types of purging I experience/d:
1. Purging to undo eating, after a prolonged period of restricting or fasting
2. Purging as a result of eating purely so that I can stop the hunger but also stay on task - fasting
3. Purging food that I craved, purely to get rid of a specific food so that I will not crave it another time
4. Purging (binging) for the sake of purging (home alone, feels good)
5. Purging a snack before dinner because I am unable to purge at dinner when I am no longer home alone

I'd like some help finding out what is causing me to want to binge eat.
I binge eat for literally any emotion I feel, it is not only sadness, it's happiness too, and boredom, despair, anything. I'm planning my next meal before I've even finished what I'm chewing. It takes a lot of strength not to stop at the shop when driving by. Food just seems so important.

Any advice?
 
S

Sbur333

Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2021
Messages
20
Location
VA
Hey, so I have literally done the same thing you did for 10 years, I am 30 years old now and am so happy I have over come Ana and Bulimia. The last 7 years was binging and purging. And yes I would do it to cope with everything, happy, sad, bored, you name it...it really didnt matter. Really it was just a very bad habit that I had to break. I took some medication that helped me not want to binge. You could discuss that with your doctor. I also allowed myself small portions of my binge foods/bad foods during the week to regulate my eating. I noticed that when I allowed myself normal portions of tasty meals on a regular basis I felt more satisfied and didnt feel the need to binge. I also got myself into therapy. Changing a bad habit and replacing it with a good one is hard work, I am not going to lie to you. But its worth it. I read the book Brain Over Binge, and that ultimatly helped me stop. I highly HIGHLY recommend you read that book if your serious about stopping this. It's gonna take a little work on your part but you can do it. My life is so much happier now that I have a healthy relationship with food. But it took therapy, that book Brain Over Binge, and me changing the bad habit and replacing it with hard work and persistence. You cant give up. <3 I am here if you have any questions or need tips. I know the road your on all too well. You can work with a therapist or come up with your own combination of things to help you stop. If you fail and keep failing...keep trying. No matter what keep trying. Be stubborn as hell with getting over this. Go to amazon and get that book, it will help you so much ;)
 
R

Rain264

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Uk
Hey, so I have literally done the same thing you did for 10 years, I am 30 years old now and am so happy I have over come Ana and Bulimia. The last 7 years was binging and purging. And yes I would do it to cope with everything, happy, sad, bored, you name it...it really didnt matter. Really it was just a very bad habit that I had to break. I took some medication that helped me not want to binge. You could discuss that with your doctor. I also allowed myself small portions of my binge foods/bad foods during the week to regulate my eating. I noticed that when I allowed myself normal portions of tasty meals on a regular basis I felt more satisfied and didnt feel the need to binge. I also got myself into therapy. Changing a bad habit and replacing it with a good one is hard work, I am not going to lie to you. But its worth it. I read the book Brain Over Binge, and that ultimatly helped me stop. I highly HIGHLY recommend you read that book if your serious about stopping this. It's gonna take a little work on your part but you can do it. My life is so much happier now that I have a healthy relationship with food. But it took therapy, that book Brain Over Binge, and me changing the bad habit and replacing it with hard work and persistence. You cant give up. <3 I am here if you have any questions or need tips. I know the road your on all too well. You can work with a therapist or come up with your own combination of things to help you stop. If you fail and keep failing...keep trying. No matter what keep trying. Be stubborn as hell with getting over this. Go to amazon and get that book, it will help you so much ;)
Thank you soooo much for replying! I literally bought this book 2 days ago and just waiting for it to arrive! It couldn't come fast enough! 😃
 
R

Rain264

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Uk
Hey, so I have literally done the same thing you did for 10 years, I am 30 years old now and am so happy I have over come Ana and Bulimia. The last 7 years was binging and purging. And yes I would do it to cope with everything, happy, sad, bored, you name it...it really didnt matter. Really it was just a very bad habit that I had to break. I took some medication that helped me not want to binge. You could discuss that with your doctor. I also allowed myself small portions of my binge foods/bad foods during the week to regulate my eating. I noticed that when I allowed myself normal portions of tasty meals on a regular basis I felt more satisfied and didnt feel the need to binge. I also got myself into therapy. Changing a bad habit and replacing it with a good one is hard work, I am not going to lie to you. But its worth it. I read the book Brain Over Binge, and that ultimatly helped me stop. I highly HIGHLY recommend you read that book if your serious about stopping this. It's gonna take a little work on your part but you can do it. My life is so much happier now that I have a healthy relationship with food. But it took therapy, that book Brain Over Binge, and me changing the bad habit and replacing it with hard work and persistence. You cant give up. <3 I am here if you have any questions or need tips. I know the road your on all too well. You can work with a therapist or come up with your own combination of things to help you stop. If you fail and keep failing...keep trying. No matter what keep trying. Be stubborn as hell with getting over this. Go to amazon and get that book, it will help you so much ;)
Does a therapist take binging seriously?
 
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