• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Building confidence?

J

JSCM90

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
17
Hi all,

Recently turned 28 and throughout a lot of my 20s have suffered from anxiety and depression.

I have just got so used to life being this bad, no career, no friends, lack of confidence, feeling like a failure.

I currently work in sales administration and at least it is a job yes but it is not a job I want to do forever and my problem has been I have never known what I wanted to do.

My parents divorced when I was 20 and dad moved away when I was 22 havent seen him in almost 2 years and I dont get on with my mum. Having had no parents and no close friends to talk to I have just settled for average jobs with no ambition and got too used to this life.

I am better then this I just dont know where to start and dont have the belief in myself to do well. I feel at 28 I should at least have a career path sorted but I am lost.

Currently thinking about quitting my job as last few months this depression and anxiety has got worse, I dont feel valued where I work and get no appreciation at all for hard work and it is effecting me a lot lately, but I have also thought about how I would feel with no job at all.

As mentioned above I dont have many friends. Dont hang around with anyone from work and outside of work have three close friends and I only see them once a month. Most of my weekends revolve around my girlfriend and her family.

I passed my driving test when I was 23 and have not driven since due to lack of self belief and confidence. I can drive but I feel so anxious that I just put it off but lately been thinking how much better I would feel if I had my own car rather than relying on girlfriend to drive everywhere, i just need my own independance and thinking that getting a car would be a good first step in building my confidence.

Have never been able to speak with anyone about how I feel, I have never felt I can even speak with my own parents about this. I briefly speak with my girlfriend every now and then but she doesnt understand and see how effected I am by all this.

I feel like I just need to really improve my confidence as It is at an all time low at the minute, I put off seeing people due to the way I feel. Anyone have any advice as to how I can improve my self confidence and slowly become happier and enjoy life again?

Thanks
 
static void

static void

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 9, 2018
Messages
259
Sometimes confidence in linked to hope. When you're sad, taking one step that you can do and that is out your routine can help break the sense of powerlessness you have. A single action can make the difference. Keep doing it and then try to add more actions in order to overcome the inertia of helplessness that you're in. This can help you build hope.

Those of us who suffer from depression shouldn't make big changes like changing a job, we need to do tiny changes one at the time, and nobody's chasing you so take your time.
Ok you don't spend a lot of time with your friends, so have you ever thought about filling your free time by doing a volunteering job instead? It could make you feel like you're making something useful and you could the decide how much time to dedicate to that. Even if it's only for half an hour a day, your effort will be appreciated. You'll meet people there, they may not be your friends at the beginning or ever, but at least you'll be socializing, which is proven important in dealing with depression. Sometimes a change of scenery is all it takes.

About the fear of driving we need to analyse the root of the cause. Are you afraid because the passengers always put you down about your driving skills? Have you had a car accident or have you witnessed one? Or is it just daily stress that builds up in your system?
The general advice is that you need to overcome that fear by not adopting a black-white pattern of thinking. I.E. you could think:
- I will get into an accident if I drive. (black and white thinking)
- That's not true, I'm a safe driver, if I control my speed and I take a pause if I feel tired, I won't lose control. (repeat this or similar realistic thoughts to yourself everytime you put your hands on the steering wheel)

After that maybe you think you could rebuild your relationships with your parents? I don't don't want to intrude so feel free to avoid responding to this question.
 
F

fresh

New member
Joined
Jun 25, 2018
Messages
2
I have been there and not so long ago. I suffered from both anxiety and depression and suicidal thought for 25 years. I am now free from it all, please pm me I think I can help you.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top