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Brother Is Abusing Me

R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
My brother is emotionally abusive.
I finally want to do something.
But if I do it will affect the other
Members of my family.
It's emotional and verbal abuse.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
36,272
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
please tell somebody you trust x emotional abuse can seriously damage a persons mental health ,he has no right to do this to you xx lots of love fairy lu x
 
R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
Every time my therapist find a healthy
Way to approach him, my parents stick
Up for him and say I will never see
Him or my neices again.
 
B

bonobo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
My brother is emotionally abusive.
I finally want to do something.
But if I do it will affect the other
Members of my family.
It's emotional and verbal abuse.
I have exactly the same problem xxxxxxxxxx
 
DrHouston

DrHouston

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
Messages
9
My brother is emotionally abusive.
I finally want to do something.
But if I do it will affect the other
Members of my family.
It's emotional and verbal abuse.
Sorry to hear that dear. Although I have no information about you or your family, but if I were you I would 100% completely ignore him. A lot of bullies get their joy out of seeing other people get negatively affected by them; they like the power of making other people miserable. So if possible,
- involve yourself in other activities
-hang out around other people
-get out of the house, away from your family, if they are encouraging your brother in any way
-chances are, he'll try to do crazy things to upset you or grab your attention. Completely ignore him, as if he's not your brother but some random stranger living with you
-after all, he's your brother, not your parent, so it is entirely possible for you to cut him off of your daily life. You don't have to ask him for food or money. So try to live as independent life as possible.
Good luck!
 
R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
I'm scared. Even when I'm not around him.
He ruined our family vacation over the
Holidays. Slaming doors, honking
The horn in the car to get us out there.
It really affects me. Negatively.
And he asked his wife for a divorce
Right in front of his kids.
12 & 14. Just to give u an idea.
He only lets me come over Christmas Day
Or birthdays. And, he said the only reason
I can come to my Neices events is bc
It's on public property.
 
DrHouston

DrHouston

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
Messages
9
I'm scared. Even when I'm not around him.
He ruined our family vacation over the
Holidays. Slaming doors, honking
The horn in the car to get us out there.
It really affects me. Negatively.
And he asked his wife for a divorce
Right in front of his kids.
12 & 14. Just to give u an idea.
He only lets me come over Christmas Day
Or birthdays. And, he said the only reason
I can come to my Neices events is bc
It's on public property.
Oh I had no idea that he is grown up adult. I feel sorry for his wife who has to deal with him everyday. Honestly, I could tolerate such a person for a few hours, but not my entire life, and would most certainly would have divorced him. I don't know what the family dynamics are at your place, but I would cut my losses, knowing that he is beyond fixing, and completely cut him off my life. I would love lose some family time, but would gain a lot more in peace of mind!
 
R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
Yes, I actually do have my own house.
But this was a family vaca and the 7
Of us were renting/a house.
I try and b a good aunt. So I just go
See them when they stay with
My parents.
I'm there for them. As much as I can be.
 
R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
He is 45.
I only see him on holidays and birthdays.
But we like to travel with my
Parents so sometimes we have vacations
Together. My therapist says he
Is never going to change.
 
R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
I've even tried blocking his number
On my phone. He figures out I put him
On ignore and calls my parents.
 
DrHouston

DrHouston

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
Messages
9
I've even tried blocking his number
On my phone. He figures out I put him
On ignore and calls my parents.
Sounds like he's really bent on hunting you out and scaring you.
The ideal thing to do is not letting him affect your life. After all, you have your own job, friends, house. You can survive easily by completely cutting him off from your life. And this message needs to be sent across to him, so it would be great if you could:
1) make up your mind strongly that you're going to live a happy life and not care about your brother's antics
2) start living this fearless, independent life
3) once you're comfortable doing this and can see a future for yourself where you don't need your brother at all, then speak to your brother that he does not matter to you at all. And if he wants, you can speak to him occasionally, but if he disrespects you, then there is no need for you to keep in touch with him.
4) make your parents and his wife understand the same thing. They don't have to put up with his antics. Talk to him if he respects you, but if he doesn't, then nobody's life is stopping for him. Keep on living your joyous life pursuing your goals and hobbies through your jobs; have vacations with friends and people you like, and keep ignoring the brother like you would ignore a perpetually angry neighbor.
 
R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
I need help. What can I do?
We have a family event next
Weekend. Celebrating 2 birthdays.
His is one of them.
I'm only going bc my moms birthday is
The one we're celebrating. Hers is this month.
We're acknolodging his bc my parents
Will b out of town in Febuary.

Do I go?
 
DrHouston

DrHouston

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
Messages
9
I need help. What can I do?
We have a family event next
Weekend. Celebrating 2 birthdays.
His is one of them.
I'm only going bc my moms birthday is
The one we're celebrating. Hers is this month.
We're acknolodging his bc my parents
Will b out of town in Febuary.

Do I go?
Yes, I feel you should go because the whole point is to not let his presence affect or alter your life. I am sure you would want to go to your mother's birthday, if he weren't there.
But before that, can you stop worrying about him? Seriously, you both are grown up adults who can live your lives without each other. So why are you afraid of him? You don't need him, and he certainly won't dare to physically harm you.
Please consider him dead, and start living a life where you dont think about him at all.
And next time when you see him, give him the courteous respect you would give to any acquaintance. But if he starts messing with you, just take him to a corner and tell him privately that you've had enough of his nonsense. And that now you're not going to tolerate this. If he wants to keep up with his rudeness, he can do that outside with other people. But inside the house and with the family, he should act like an adult. Get all the rest of your family in with this plan, that they will give him respectful attitude, but if he's going to continue being rude, everyone should ignore him and not involve him in any of the family fun activities.
Does this help? Or is there anything specific you want to ask?
 
R

RustySnowFlake

Guest
I've tried all that.
Maybe it's best if I'm not here.
There's no solution. He thinks I'm
A joke and then goes to my dad and
Tells his what I've done. Then I'm in
Trouble for trying to set boundaries.
How messed up is this?
He was even calling my therapist for a while
And she told him to stop.
He is dead to me though. I have no
Emotion or feelings for him.
 
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