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Broken? Needing Help/Advice/Clairty

J

Jay77

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
1
Location
England
Hello, I'm a 26-year-old, single, father of two, looking for some help/advice/clarity on what could be wrong with me as my mental and physical health increasingly getting worse. 3 months ago, I failed to take my life and since then I've been attempting to get some help with my mental state.
I feel like I'm just being passed from doctor to doctor and being labelled depressed but I feel like it's a lot more than depression as I'm no longer getting myself into depressive states (I have suffered from depression for years) The most recent mental health professional suggested I may have a PTSD type impulsive disorder as I can go from being very hyper to not being able to function at all, I'm a very social, outgoing person in general.

I'm not sure how to write this part as I've tried writing it out over and over trying to make sense of it but I can't make sense of it, I simply feel broken. I put it in points as I'm not sure how else to put something like this.

  • Impulses to cause myself harm
    (I can wake up in the middle of the night and feel like doing these things to myself)
[*]Body wanting to hurt itself but mind my struggles to say no?
  • Not hearing voices but really struggling to not hurt myself. Waking up in the middle of the night wanting to seriously hurt myself with no build-up or depressive state so I'm unable to ask for help when I need it. (Last night was the worse night I've had yet, I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to seriously hurt myself, I couldn't stop thinking about it, it was like my body wanted to hurt itself to take the pain away and my head couldn't stop it. (I have hurt myself a few times) with it being in the middle of the night, I wasn't able to call anyone for help so I ended up lying there just crying trying to stop myself. I don't know why I'm struggling so much not to hurt myself? I can't understand it.
[*]Unable to cope with simple things or sleep
  • I’m not depressed, I’m very unstable, I go from being very hyper to not being able to function at all. Some days I feel so unstable it makes me physically sick and I’m unable to function. I also don't sleep much, my average sleep is 3-5 hours of light sleep/waking up (I sleep track), I suffer from panic attacks in my sleep and constant nightmares and dreams of dying.
[/LIST]

I do apologize if this seems like I'm rambling, it's currently 2:47am and I'm trying to get my thoughts out there.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
895
Location
Minnesota, USA
Hi @Jay77,

My apologies for the late reply. I’m verysorry to hear about your struggle. Let me assure you that you are not going to hurt yourself.

What you’re experiencing is intrusive thoughts. Pay close attention to how those thoughts creep into your brain. Out of no where and without any current trigger, they just come into your brain uninvited. They’re horrible.
I can also feel that your situation started with you being afraid and terrified of those thoughts but somewhere down the road it started to get confusing for you. You asked yourself is this is really what I’m thinking about or am I afraid of hurting myself.

Pure obsessive compulsive disorder has nothing to do with rituals. It’s only thoughts.
You have to talk to yourself positively and convince yourself that you’re not going to hurt yourself. Your thoughts are not you. Challenge yourself that no matter how severe those thoughts, you’re not going to act upon them.
There are few medications that can help you with that. Discuss this with your doctor.

I hope this helps. Take care.
 
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