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Broken heart...it's my own fault...any help understanding a passive aggressive male please?

Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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I don't know his full story, I only know what you've said, but it sounds like he carries a lot of frustration and self-frustration for not being able to handle situations with you better. He probably knows he was literally inviting you to say 'I'm out', but he feels frustrated because he lacks the emotional tools to deal with situations regarding you better.

We've only ever argued once (about him seeming distant).

Our communication is normally exceptional. We're close - happy.

The only caveat to that statement is that I'm laid-back, understanding, good humoured - and consequently demand nothing.

He knows something has triggered that unusual response from me - but he's afraid or anguished at the prospect of finding himself lacking.

Strange really - he says he loves my 'self awareness'...but I never see that quality in him.
 
P

PaulDUK

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Mar 22, 2019
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78
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UK
I don't know his full story, I only know what you've said, but it sounds like he carries a lot of frustration and self-frustration for not being able to handle situations with you better. He probably knows he was literally inviting you to say 'I'm out', but he feels frustrated because he lacks the emotional tools to deal with situations regarding you better.

We've only ever argued once (about him seeming distant).

Our communication is normally exceptional. We're close - happy.

The only caveat to that statement is that I'm laid-back, understanding, good humoured - and consequently demand nothing.

He knows something has triggered that unusual response from me - but he's afraid or anguished at the prospect of finding himself lacking.

Strange really - he says he loves my 'self awareness'...but I never see that quality in him.
Perhaps he loves it as he's seen something you have and he doesn't and wants to encompass that and learn how to be that way?
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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UK
If the relationship can only work if I have no needs or complaints - it can't work.

Maybe guys, I just tell him he's the love of my life and I didn't mean it.

And let the chips will fall where they may.

If he doesn't reciprocate - that's that...and it'll hurt less now than later down the road.
 
D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,038
We've only ever argued once (about him seeming distant).

Our communication is normally exceptional. We're close - happy.

The only caveat to that statement is that I'm laid-back, understanding, good humoured - and consequently demand nothing.

He knows something has triggered that unusual response from me - but he's afraid or anguished at the prospect of finding himself lacking.

Strange really - he says he loves my 'self awareness'...but I never see that quality in him.
Sounds like you've got something worth fighting for then.
 
voyager

voyager

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Lunar, I’ve just seen this, will get back to you when my brain starts to function and can give you a decent reply hun ❤
 
angry butterfly

angry butterfly

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surrey
Just seen this thread. I was just about to start a new thread about my situation with someone i've been in a relationship with for 18 months which has been very traumatic at times and now is over, but is very differcult because i still see him nearly every day, and he's not very nice to me whilst being lovely to everyone else.
Reading what you've said about your relationship i see similarities between the way your man behaves and this person im dealing with.
I believe mine is a covert narcissist and yours sounds like he could be too. I was wondering what has happened since you started this thread.
I've watched a lot about narcissists on youtube (there's a lot there) for over a year now since i first suspected that he was one. I've been through every stage just like it says.
It's very differcult atm and is really getting me down.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Location
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Just seen this thread. I was just about to start a new thread about my situation with someone i've been in a relationship with for 18 months which has been very traumatic at times and now is over, but is very differcult because i still see him nearly every day, and he's not very nice to me whilst being lovely to everyone else.
Reading what you've said about your relationship i see similarities between the way your man behaves and this person im dealing with.
I believe mine is a covert narcissist and yours sounds like he could be too. I was wondering what has happened since you started this thread.
I've watched a lot about narcissists on youtube (there's a lot there) for over a year now since i first suspected that he was one. I've been through every stage just like it says.
It's very differcult atm and is really getting me down.
Hi Angry Butterfly,

So sorry you're having a bad time.

In my case, the relationship ended there - that was nine months ago. I changed my phone number and completely let go. Have some wonderful memories but there were traits there that would have made me miserable over time.

I was able to make a clean break but it must be very hard for you seeing him every day. Do you work in the same place?

Without knowing anything about your set-up, all I can advise is to take whatever steps you can to extricate yourself from him. You've broken up with him and he's STILL causing you pain - he needs to be avoided at all costs so you can get some closure and move forward.

Sending lots of love to you xxx
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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****THIS IS AN OLD THREAD*****

(No help needed xxx)
 
angry butterfly

angry butterfly

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surrey
Hi, thanks for your reply. I think you did the right thing breaking up with him. It was fortunate in the end that you were 400 miles apart, i'm 400 yards away from mine. Which was lovely when it was lovely, but is'nt so good now.
There's a centre we both go to for various reasons. Activities, i volunteer there once or twice a week, he does jobs around the place. Even one of his daughters works there. It's a large part of both of our lives, it's where we met. I'm not happy when i go there now.
At first i missed him so much so it was hard in that way, and now he's making me feel ill when i go there because he's being so unpleasant to me.
I cant believe the difference between now and how he was to begin with. It really makes me feel sick. Idk what to do.
 
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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
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2,416
Location
USA
Definitely read this whole thing thinking it was present day but good job Lunar ❤ Strong role model material.
 
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