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Broken Friendships & Relationships

BEDROCK

BEDROCK

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2013
Messages
22
I have a history of broken friendships and relationships and have not had the best of luck in what ever I have done.

I am a 33 year old chap who lives alone and have struggled with loneliness, anxiety and depression for a long time. I have family that live near me but they take care of themselves more and often neglect me, I have also had various damaging relationships that have been one thing after another, I have been single for over 5 years and ever day and night gets worse, as time goes on loneliness gets better but you often wish some nights to have that connection, that companionship to share your life with.

I have all the love in the world to give someone and would love to settle down with that special person. I realise that these things take work, dedication and above all, trust. I do however believe that having a good judge of character in all walks of life is key but not essential, some people just cannot get on with others while others deserve time to get to know them more.

I have also had various mates and have seen them come and go in my life like some transfer market, finding good mates that will stick around is the hardest thing you can have, friends should come first in most things but if relationships need your focus then they must take priority, or better still, have loving partner and good friends, a good balance is key, not pissing off good mates for a 6 month fling, these things are a delicate balance.

I am from Sheffield and would love to arrange some meet-ups there, maybe something before Xmas, make some contacts and arrange some outings in the new year somewhere, a bit of excitement.

What do you feel about things?
 
0

0RRHH1

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2012
Messages
237
That's a really good thread mate and really struck a cord with me in a lot of ways.

I know how difficult it is to get friendships and relationships right, or wrong as I have done in so many cases. I have never had a close family, we just never had that connection for some reason. This is going to sound a really odd thing to say but one of the reasons I never had a particularly close relationship with any siblings was because in many ways I got the impression my Mum didn't want that to happen. I know that sounds strange but it's true. I remember ringing her up and asking things like when was my nieces b'day's so I could send presents and cards and she'd say oh you don't want to bother doing that and for some reason would not tell me. I still can't quite get my head round it even now. She never had a close family when she was a child, well she never had a family at all so I don't think she knew how to nurture one. But even if she didn't know how to nurture one that still doesn't really explain why she would want to sabotage any attempts i'd try and make to build some sort of relationship. As for my Dad he fathered umpteen kids all over the place, many of which I have never met. So the whole family thing sort of passed me by really. I coped with it by basically telling myself I didn't need anybody, I could be strong and independent and I didn't need anyone else to in my life. I just learned to live by myself and not acknowledge to myself that I would ever need anyone else.

I also struggled with friendships. It's not that I have not had friendships, I've had many and some of them have been really important to me. But I always kept people at a certain distance and if someone pissed me off too much I would just cut them out of my life and forget about them. I could be very ruthless in cutting people off if I thought they'd let me down or disappointed me in some way. A lot would depend on the actual friendship itself as to how far I would go to maintain a friendship. There have been one or two people that I would go to extraordinary lengths for but that has been more in recent years that I have learnt the value of close friendships and relationships. It's been difficult learning process because I've always been quite a firey temperament and would often speak out in the heat of the moment. If it cost me friendship then I just used to shrug and walk away. Now I have learnt over the years that that sort of attitude costs you dear, some people are worth holding onto, it's been a difficult learning curve.

I could go on and on talking about my life and the mistakes I've made with people but I think the main thing I should really take from the past is to learn from my mistakes. I don't want to spend my life alone, I get sick of coming home to an empty house. Sometimes it would just be nice to know that there is someone else in the house, even if they are upstairs asleep, just to know someone is there would be nice.

Yes, i'd love to have a meet up in Sheff. I'm sure there's some interesting diversions we could get up to and we could share stories, or I could share mine if you're not ready, it's a really nice idea. I spend Xmas alone most years, not that it bothers me I got used to that ages ago, but it would be lovely to meet up and spend sometime together. Really interesting post, thank you, it has been very thought provoking.
 
J

janms

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2013
Messages
2
I have had this trouble as well, I am a single male, but recently I overcame it by pretending to be a space alien. If you cease to identify as a human, it removes you from earth mentally. A lot of the trouble comes from being lost in the "human-male evolved from primate" reality, thinking to find a woman. Its major error. By pretending to be a space alien, I was able to create elaborate fantasies as an outsider to humans. I've really been enjoying looking at humans as if at monkeys.
 
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