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Breaking

Angels

Angels

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i dont want sympathy, I just want to get this written down to maybe get some peace of mind. To help myself figure out why im breaking.

My uncles wedding happened lastnight. The one event where i really really tried to make myself better. improving my scars on my arms for months, making myself feel better.
Things turned for the worse. a few days ago i didnt feel like myself. i cut my legs and i hated myself for it. but i dont know why i did it.
I got ready in the morning and thought i looked beautiful and i loved myself.
So i got to the wedding, stood with my family and i felt empty inside. i wanted to be happy for myself and for my uncle. I tryed to be in as little photo's as possible. the cameras all made me really anxious. I really dont know what was wrong with myself. everyone went home to get ready for the sit down meal and party afterwards. My dad asked what was wrong with me and i began to panic. i had a breakdown, told my family i couldnt go for the rest of the night.
I sat in the shower crying. my mum heard me and unlocked the door. she tryed to talk to me but i just wouldnt respond. All my family left to go and enjoy their evening.
I sat there feeling completley broken. This morning everyone is being nice to me but i just want to be left alone. i hate myself and i dont see a bright light at the end of the tunnel anymore. all my poitive ways have drained out of me. im no longer the way i felt was right.
 
Angels

Angels

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2010
Messages
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Location
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Also thought id add that my leg is worse off. ive been cutting it and im sitting here alone right now with a peice of broken glass in my hand. i want to keep going but i dont know what im acheiving out of doing it. i dont want people to care about me that my my cuts are so hidden. im lost
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
yes you are lost in a red mist of anguish and emotional pain, self hatred and esteem are major issues ??
You need to see your doctor or medical support asap !!
You feel all is lost and bleak but this is your illness causing this and you need to talk to your doctor !!
No one should judge you they should help you and support !!!
Please do this, get help asap !!
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
you need your family and friends to support you ??
Can they support you and listen ??
Do you have an understanding Doctor ???
Please let us know how you are and how we can support you ??
 
Angels

Angels

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ive only spoken to my doctor once and he said that he couldnt do anything for me. he turned me away i cant talk to my family they kicked me out the house the last time i hurt myself and i cant leave right now in middle of things to go and see a doctor! im so stressed i have school tomorrow some exams and i cant leave i cant get help at the moment i need to try and controll myself but im just breaking slowly. i dont know how long i can keep myself together :cry:
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
Why did your Doctor not help you ??
Go back and request to see a see an other Doctor, are you in a group practice ??
 
Angels

Angels

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2010
Messages
2,461
Location
Oblivion
i saw my GP and he said there was nothing he could do! he told me exactly that! he just asked what was wrong that was it!
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
Go back to your doctor, insist you need help, be polite but firm,
it is their duty to help you !!!
 
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