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Breaking away & starting again

chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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Whats it like to be completely alone? I don't mean in the emotional sense. I mean litterally. To leave to run away. To start again on your own. No friends no family? Is it freeing? Is it better? Does it improve your mental health?

I want to do it. Its not exactly a possible option at the moment. But i want to figure out a way to do this. I feel like this might be my only chance for potential happiness. I feel trapped in my current life. With no way of making anything better as im not able to make my own decisions here.

For those that have done this broken away and started again. Whats it like? Is it truely the best decision?
 
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Elizabeth1

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Apr 10, 2015
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I think you have to stay positive and deal with the situation. For over a year i moved away from friends and family. The first six months were good, but i soon realized that i was homesick and made plans to return home where i am ñow settled and happy.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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And what if the situation cannot be dealt with? Surely its better to remove yourself from that situation?
 
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Elizabeth1

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I agree if the situation cannot be resolved. I moved to get away from everything which helped at first ,but i had to go back when i felt better.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Sounds like the time away helped you realised that though. Do you regret doing it?
 
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Elizabeth1

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Hi. No i don't regret doing it as i proved to myself that i can do something completely different! In the end physical health problems got the better of me and being isolated proved too much. I came back mentally stronger. The fact that i retired helped imensly as i wasn't under pressure to work any more.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Without knowing the details of the situation you're wanting to get away from, it's hard to really know how what advice to give.

I've never truly been alone, but spent time in a women's refuge to get away from sibling abuse. I had the company of other women going through a similar thing, which really helped.
The whole situation enabled me to build a life for myself and get my own place, which really has been a godsend.
But I never really broke contact with my parents.

Sorry, I know this isn't quite breaking away and starting again.. but i'm wondering if time away and some breathing space might help you, rather than cutting all ties? x
 
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VoiceOfPurpose

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May 8, 2015
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there are ways to create your own safe space without completely running away. create or find a place where you can be alone. set an intention that no one is allowed into this space without explicit invitation from you. You can make it a physical space or a space within yourself. If its a space within yourself you can go there anytime, anywhere.

it sounds like the current situations/circumstances in your life aren't allowing for you to have healthy boundaries for yourself, where you have full ownership of the spaces you are in. so create those boundaries, to honour yourself, you deserve your own space, to have safe and comfortable boundaries. And the first place you can start is by creating this space within yourself. or setting some time aside every day or even once a week where you put yourself as a priority. no phones, no disturbances, just time to honour Yourself. even if its 15 minutes every day or an hour a week.

hope this helps :)
with loving light~
SUN
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Im not really looking for advice. My situation would be hard to explain to make people understand. Im litterally just asking who's done it and whats its like.

I dont want people telling me i should stay when you dont even know why i want to leave.

And no it doesnt help. I dont want a safe space whatever the hell that is
 
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VoiceOfPurpose

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hey there, sorry it wasn't helpful. i'm not trying to tell you to stay. I know for me (and others i know) in times when I wanted to run away from everything its helped to find a space within myself where I can be alone where i feel safe and protected, where i can honour myself. I have also physically left to places to be completely alone and then came back, and for me doing this helped alot. when you can seclude yourself in a peaceful place it can be incredibly healing.

I hope you find what you are looking for. It can be so difficult having to live in a situation you don't want to be in. sending you loving energy
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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Sorry i didn't mean to be rude. Im just incredibly frustrated atm. I do appreciate what you have said, i really do, and i appreciate you taking the time to reply - twice. And perhaps it would be helpful, but its only momentary relief. Im looking for a perminant solution. But i will try.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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My stepsister did this. She basically told us all she no longer wanted any contact and then moved out of the country. It was pretty painful for the family, she was quite well liked.

From what little I know of what happened to her, she spent some time moving from city to city, it took her a while to find somewhere she felt happy. She worked in a few different places, as a secretary and later selling time in holiday homes in Italy on the Internet. After about five years she got married and became pregnant with her first child, she and her husband eventually moved to the U.S. She invited a few people to the wedding. She still has most of us blocked on Facebook, but not quite everyone, and occasionally some pictures of her show up online.
 
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hillclimbs

Guest
Years ago I needed to leave and didn't have the courage. I met a man who saw I was in a vulnerable situation and I left with him. It was exciting and I felt it was freeing for a little bit. But in hindsight, it was going from one situation in which I was dominated into another.

Then when I left him, I was by myself, but had the internet and talked to people on there. I made friends on there that I met up with in real life, but again I met some quite dominating people and fell into the same traps again. Eventually symptoms of PTSD led me to cut those people out of my life.

I think, all the times I left, it was the best thing to do. But, if I could do it again, I would try to anticipate the difficulties I would face and find support. For example, I would have been better going to a refuge, rather than running off with a man the first time. I also wish I had seeked some mental health support that first time too, to help me not make the same mistakes again - the thing I've learned is, that when I moved, I got away from other people that were a problem to me, but I took all the baggage that made me vulnerable with me. So I needed to leave, but I needed to deal with the problems I had too, to really free me.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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Thank you hillclimbs. I think you've answered one of my worries. I wondered why i wasn't any happier when i was away, when i lived at uni. Its the emotional baggage and transferring one problem into another. Definately something to be mindful of. Not just the doing it, but preparing for its own difficulties.
Thank you for your reply.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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Apr 5, 2015
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Sometimes it is necessary to remove yourself from a situation in order to deal with it and to heal. But moving away, starting over where you don't know anyone, can be very lonely, and a new place doesn't make your problems go away. I moved away for 14 years, and now I am back where I grew up, and still dependent on my parents financially while I try to sort myself out and go back to university.
 
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