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Breaking away from family?

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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What would you do if you want to find a way to push away your family but you work in the same job as them and they know where you live.

They always need to know my business, even when I tell others not to mention me to them, especially my mum. They bombard my with messages even if I ignore them, they force me to go places and don't leave me alone till I say yes and it's not easy as saying no.

They are toxic for me. They emotionally abuse me. (well my mum and sister do)

If I could find a way to only break off contact with certain people I would but I either need to put up with it or break off from them all.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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middle earth
I guess practical things could be a solution - stay in the same town but change jobs.
Or, possibly, ask for a transfer within your company to a different town / city and make a break.

Other than that you might have to have a conversation with them where you say that you're an adult and need to lead your own life and in order to do that you'd rather they weren't in your business so much and asking you to do things with them so much.

Or I guess you could join things where you currently live - do some volunteering, or a class or something, which would mean you make new / different friends from them and start to pull away from them gradually. That way, when they ask you to go places with them you can say no, you're busy doing xyz.

Some families (parents) do like their kids to be close by and to know everything they're up to, under the guise of being a 'close' family. That can work and be really good in some situations, but it can also feel quite suffocating and controlling in other situations and involve guilts trips all over the place if one member (you) wants to be more independent and pull away a bit.

You could always look into going to uni as a mature student and that would be a perfect excuse to move somewhere else.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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The West Country
Hey, i'm sorry that can't think of a sensible reply really.

Do they know that you need some space? Have you told them how bad they make you feel sometimes?
I get that perhaps even if you did communicate with them about how you're feeling, it may not mean they'll stop being overbearing.

I think pepecat's suggestions of doing more things and making new acquaintances is a good one, if you can manage to get out or find the spare time (I know you work very hard).
Also maybe looking at Uni.

As you know, my family are fucked-up and it's not easy to detach from situations like these.
Am sending hugs your way anyway. :hug1:
 
D

DannyBoysGrace

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Joined
Jan 5, 2015
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Location
Ireland.
If they're bombarding your messages, you could create new profiles on any social media and block them on the new one, use that as your main and check in on your old account sometimes. Buy a cheap secondhand phone and put your current sim card in that. Get a new sim and give it only to your friends. That way you can turn your phone off but still have one to contact your friends.

I second the advice on asking for a transfer but if that's not possible, perhaps try to get a job in another close by town so you can still see your friends.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this.
 
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