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New member
Aug 28, 2018
I don’t really know about this app or whatever but I just have to vent.
I went in therapy and I was really gunna try. I tried opening up with something light (done updates on nursing school) and it ended up being the entireee session! She said how proud she is, how far I’ve come yadda yadda and how I can finish school but god I left feeling defeated. I failed to articulate what I need or think I need. My case worker and doctor are all in my business about how and where I spend my money, like I get enough of that from parents so can u pls back up. I’m sick of this all. It’s fn rediculous. I’m ready to go through with my plan of suicide, it really feels like the only fuck way out. I’m getting my nieces on Friday so if I can just hold on til then, to see them one more time and have a wonderful time and say my goodbyes in the most vague of ways. Guilt over takes me, my parents, my boyfriend, friends... I’m so so so sorry god I’m sorry. I’m sorry you believe in me, and even if you don’t, I’m sorry I can’t prove you wrong. I’m scared. But I’ve made so many irreversible mistakes. I’ve hurt a few people too many times. I’m 24. I used to fantasize about death when I was 11, being sexually abused I would poison myself, subject myself to dangerous things at a very young age. I WANTED SOMEONE TO NOTICE ME. Mom and dad, did you really think it was normal for me to be sick at the toilet every night because I was afraid of bad people. What made me so afraid, have you ever wondered??? WHY didn’t you help me then, why didn’t anyone see in school that I wasn’t right, I was hiding it so well I guess. It’s not their fault, god I know it’s not their fault. So the only one to blame is ME. I’m the common denominator in everything that goes wrong. fuxkkkkk I’m not gonna make it, I can’t I can’t. I’m going to be another statistic. Dead and gone at 24. Can I pull myself from this??? Can I find something within to reverse all of this awfulness???? Why am I breathing? Why is this like that and that like this? WHY WHY WHY

Miles Stone

Aug 27, 2018
Hi Brooklyn, I understand the feeling of not being heard no matter how much you try to articulate yourself to the people in your life that matter the most. It makes you feel like you need to do something to shock them as a cry for help. The reality is that they can’t experience what goes on in your head, but that does not mean that they can’t help. In my own experience, I tried to shut my friends and family out because I thought they’d never understand. But they will in time. Eventually, I let my family in, and once I did, things started to change for me. I ring my mum after every counselling session I have now to talk things over with her, and she says that helps her too. I also started talking about the things that were truly triggering the depression for me, when before I would not tackle them head on. I learnt that the way for me to confront my painful, guilt-ridden experiences was to address them in my own mind and then share them with my counsellor. This meant I could truly feel these deeply painful emotions and forgive myself. I truly hope you’re okay. I’m a similar age to you and I can relate to that feeling of being trapped and alone. But you’re not, the people that love you want to help, and you can help yourself too. Stay strong! You can do it!
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