• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Break ups and major depression(s)

M

Maurol

Member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Rome
  • ago
When she decided to end our relationship we'd been together for 7 years, which was a record for me, I never had a relationship that long before. We left Australia for Italy and after a couple of years we decided to move to Portugal. When she made the fatal phone call, ending our relationship, she was in Portugal and I was in Italy to organize few things before we reunite. When I received that phone call I felt like I've been stabbed in the chest, but also, I struggled to fully comprehend. In a split second I became a different person, a person that I knew very well, unfortunately. I have been in the same situation four or five times in my life. I started to hyperventilate, my head spinning and a sense of despair came to me in waves. What could I do other than shaking my whole body? I knew the drill, I needed medical attention and meds. Just to survive to the next day. I ran to my family doctor, he couldn't do much for me, he called an ambulance. They were ready to take me to the emergency at the hospital. I couldn't go because they don't bring you back where they picked you up and it would have been some thirty km. and no public transport (I live in a small country town outside Rome). I went to the hospital with my car, crying with a sense of dread, desperate. I waited five hours before a young psychiatrist could see me. She gave me a pill and referred me to the mental health unit close to where I live. I don't remember much of that night other than I was in contact with my ex. "SHE HAD TO HELP ME, SHE HAD TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON, SHE HAD TO SUPPORT ME, and so on...
At the center for mental health I explained what happend and my history of major depressions lasting for long time, four or five in my life, the first before I was 20. All these long and awful episodes had been triggered by the same situation. I was left by my partner.
In my case it's never been a matter of going thru the grief phase, grieving few months and then you're over and going on with your life. No, for me it's been a very long time of suffering, anxiety, deep depression, regression, loss of identity, hopelessness. Horrible. I always thought that if hell does exist it can't be worse than that. I've been thru this EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I am on medication now, I have psychiatrist and therapist, again.
One year and a half passed since that fatal phone call and I've been suffering like a dog.
There were some little changes in my situation. They are very small nevertheless kind of significant to me. In my first month my level of anxiety was unbearable and the sadness as well. I had no energy whatsoever. It was vital that i distracted my mind so I spent few months in front the television, all day, every single day, watching all kind of rubbish on commercial TV and ta,ing pills for anxiety and antidepressants. In the evening I was absolutely exhausted. Then I discovered a couple of documentaries tv channels and that was an improvement. I've been obsessed with my ex all the time and I've been Journaling a lot. Many times I had the compulsion to contact my ex and every time it ended with me begging for emotional support and her getting irritated and angry. My next phase, after the documentaries it's been me diving head first in (good) books about my condition(s). Breakup loss and depression. This has been a major change. My depression, my thoughts, my suffering was all about the loss of my beloved partner, I think that something has slowly changed, I might say, just for the sake of comprehension, that today my suffering is 70 % about the loss of my partner and a 30% about just myself and the sad life I am living (I am 66).
My therapist considers this as an improvement.
I keep receiving advise, from everybody, about things to do (mostly physical activities), finding something that I could be passionate about, but I find this very difficult. My doctor and therapist ordered me to do a couple of walks everyday, I am failing even at that, I really don't feel like and I am feeling guilty
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,434
Location
Scotland
Hi. I have experienced certainly major depressive episodes at several points in my life. I would find it very hard also to just have someone advise me by phone that the relationship was over. I guess you could say I had someone ghost me after a little after one year of seeing each other. It was at a time when I had some serious stuff to deal with in respect of one of my adult children. I really needed this person's support to cope with what was a crisis in my life. I honestly don't know what the hell was going on with him at the time. He never has been able to address.

Situations such as yours and mine call for us to summon all of our inner strength to carry on. Mine happened when I was little more than one year sober. I had drowned myself in a bottle for many years, since my marriage broke up. So I did not really know myself or what I really wanted to do with my life. This person's behaviour, at a time when I did not yet have a fully sober head on my shoulders, pushed me in to self reliance. Strong is the man or woman who stands alone in the face of adversity. I know what I am about now and am good on my own. Yes it can get a little lonely but I cope.

So you have a fear of abandonment then?. I wonder how that happened and what you might do about it so that you can be good enough and happy by yourself? Now there's a thought 🤔
 
M

Maurol

Member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Rome
Hi, I don't know what to do to improve my situation, I just feel too old, I am 66
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,434
Location
Scotland
I understand. I will be 64 next month so hardly a lass! Getting out for a bit of fresh air is a good idea but I know it can be difficult. I have a little dog so I try to get out with her and at the moment I am well enough to do that a couple of times a day. It is hard because we need to sit around a bit and think about our lives, who we think we are, maybe where we think life has taken us off track. This is actually easier without a partner holding us back. Some people gravitate to a relationship because they are unable to handle life on it's own. So I have been trying to get back to what I want from my life. So over a few years I can honestly say I am very uncertain whether I actually want someone in my life or not. They would come with a few drawbacks ha!
But you do sound fairly down at the moment so this will take time. It's okay to take your time about it. Your days at the moment could give some thoughts to what you might like to do if you were better. I have gone back to remembering who I was as a young woman before life got in the way. And I have gone back to my centres of interest before everybody wanted a piece of me lol! Basic things too, like trying to take in some healthy food, taking good care of self will all help you feel better.
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,541
Location
US
Hey, @Maurol, really sorry that you have been going through it. I'm very much as you describe, and you have more wisdom than I likely, so my advice is likely not that helpful. I guess time is the only thing that takes that hurt away, I'm 50 and that's all I've found. It's a particularly hard time to go through a loss, I get that. Lots of time on our hands to sit and think. You'll get through it, you've gotten through it in the past, that's all I tell myself. My heart was broken at the beginning of covid, and now I find I don't think much about him at all, just closed my heart to him finally. Having to let go is hard, but it is the only way to heal, and that takes time.

I honestly wish you the best of luck getting past this relationship, heartbreak is the worst, puts me under every time. But you've done it before, and you can do this. Keep talking on here if it helps, just take it day by day. Hugs to you.
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
1,170
Location
Tirana
Ciao Mauro

Do you know what it is about you that makes your partners leave? I mean that in the best possible way

66 is not old these days there are guys your age running full marathons in 3 hours

What Im saying is that its never too late to get therapy. I guess culturally your Aussie so in English best. Im guesing you get an Aussie pensiin which means you dont got financial worries
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
1,170
Location
Tirana
Non va buon' cosi Mauro

Your evading the issue at looking at yourself for fear of discovering the truth. I am pretty sure I know whats giung on after your fiest post but not for me to say

Did the last love if your life return to Oz? How cime she never went with you to Italia

I doubt if we'll hear from you again
 
T

tiltawhirl3

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,315
Location
Bristol TN
When I get into a love affair, I am all in. So a breakup devastates me. I get very depressed some times for a very long while..years. I am 62. It has been around or more than 2 years since my last breakup. Just very recently I have started up with someone who is a better fit for me. I have before made long geographical moves and found that helpful. I really did not expect to get involved again but I am glad I have.
 
M

Maurol

Member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Rome
Non va buon' cosi Mauro

Your evading the issue at looking at yourself for fear of discovering the truth. I am pretty sure I know whats giung on after your fiest post but not for me to say

Did the last love if your life return to Oz? How cime she never went with you to Italia

I doubt if we'll hear from you again
What? Your cryptic reply doesn't really make sense to me. What would I be "evading"?. How would you know "what's going on" just after reading a sigle post and not knowing me at all? I don't have any fear to looking at myself, quite the contrary, I don't do anything else, everyday, unfortunately, and why should you never hear from me again? What does that mean? I strongly suspect that you're very unwell. Anyway, don't try to write in Italian because that's not... italian.
All the best, take care of yourself
 
M

Maurol

Member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Rome
When I get into a love affair, I am all in. So a breakup devastates me. I get very depressed some times for a very long while..years. I am 62. It has been around or more than 2 years since my last breakup. Just very recently I have started up with someone who is a better fit for me. I have before made long geographical moves and found that helpful. I really did not expect to get involved again but I am glad I have.
Thank you for your reply, I am happy for you in a new relationship, I wish you all the best
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
1,170
Location
Tirana
What? Your cryptic reply doesn't really make sense to me. What would I be "evading"?. How would you know "what's going on" just after reading a sigle post and not knowing me at all? I don't have any fear to looking at myself, quite the contrary, I don't do anything else, everyday, unfortunately, and why should you never hear from me again? What does that mean? I strongly suspect that you're very unwell. Anyway, don't try to write in Italian because that's not... italian.
All the best, take care of yourself
 
T

tiltawhirl3

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,315
Location
Bristol TN
Maurol, it shatters me when the person who promised me love forever becomes someone else. If you are like me, you expected to love this person the rest of your life. and then suddenly this person doesn't want to even discuss things about working it out or giving any closure to the break up. I truly thought I would spend the rest of my days single. I want you to know that there are very many women in our age group who would adore sharing love. This man I am with was a good friend for quite awhile now. Nothing more, we were both still broken from our last relationships. Suddenly one evening, we were having a drink and playing sexy music videos, and he leaned in an kissed me. At first I was concerned not to ruin a good friendship. But the kisses just kept getting hotter. We are not over the hill! My dad is 86 and sort of recently widowed and he has bunches of women hitting on him. I find it very amusing for him to be in this situation as he was married 65 years. He abhors eating alone so now has a stable of women to dine out with but he is dodging their romantic interests. He is 20 years older than you! This love does not have to be your last love..like I was thinking. cupid is ornery like that.
 
M

Maurol

Member
Joined
May 14, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Rome
Maurol, it shatters me when the person who promised me love forever becomes someone else. If you are like me, you expected to love this person the rest of your life. and then suddenly this person doesn't want to even discuss things about working it out or giving any closure to the break up. I truly thought I would spend the rest of my days single. I want you to know that there are very many women in our age group who would adore sharing love. This man I am with was a good friend for quite awhile now. Nothing more, we were both still broken from our last relationships. Suddenly one evening, we were having a drink and playing sexy music videos, and he leaned in an kissed me. At first I was concerned not to ruin a good friendship. But the kisses just kept getting hotter. We are not over the hill! My dad is 86 and sort of recently widowed and he has bunches of women hitting on him. I find it very amusing for him to be in this situation as he was married 65 years. He abhors eating alone so now has a stable of women to dine out with but he is dodging their romantic interests. He is 20 years older than you! This love does not have to be your last love..like I was thinking. cupid is ornery like that.
I really want to thank you very much, your words are a huge encouragement and very comforting, I know I will read your reply many times, as a sort of therapy. I wish you all the best and thank you again
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
P Break up Depression Forum 68
W i’m scared i’ll never be able to break this negative thougjt pattern Depression Forum 3
C Amazing gf suddenly wants a break as she is dealing with depression/stress Depression Forum 1
M Bad habit you would like to break Depression Forum 2
D Depressed/break up / suicidal Depression Forum 10
T My depressed girlfriend wants a break, but not a breakup Depression Forum 25
THE MANDALORIAN Heart break; brake through... Depression Forum 2
C Taking a break Depression Forum 3
V i took a wrong job and i regret it badly it feels like a heart break Depression Forum 11
Fairy Lucretia do i need to take a break from posting? x Depression Forum 14
R Slowly trying to break out of all nighters and sleep ins Depression Forum 7
M Can't break free... Depression Forum 1
L Heart&Break/ing Depression Forum 3
S How do you personally break thought patterns? Depression Forum 2
J Break Up Depression. Depression Forum 2
V Heart break is one of the hardest things to feel. Depression Forum 19
S Feeling the need to break things which aren't mine Depression Forum 2
Q Break Up causes me Depression and I need my Life Back! Depression Forum 10
P I think I had a mental break down last night Depression Forum 3
P I think I'm having a nervous break down. Depression Forum 1
U Fighting for years, just want to break down.. HELP PLEASE:/ Depression Forum 8
G How am I supposed to give myself a break? Depression Forum 4
C Post break up depression and eating problems Depression Forum 3
student12 I am i that MUCH OF A BAD PERSON THAT I CAN'T GET A BREAK IN LIFE Depression Forum 5
Sparklypurplepaws fragile.....think I might break Depression Forum 12
R Dealing with a break up Depression Forum 2
M emotional break down in may ... 9 year relationship break up in july ... single mum trying to recover Depression Forum 3
M Wow! A break. Depression Forum 3
katya Very recent break-up Depression Forum 11
A i need a break Depression Forum 5
W Give me a f****** break! Depression Forum 1
Niniane Still depressed... despite meds, hospital and therapies. When will I get a break ? Depression Forum 8
T Think I might take a break. Depression Forum 7
Y Ok how do I break this news to my mum? Depression Forum 4
D Feel like I need a break from my life. Depression Forum 1
wollie Ups and downs Depression Forum 3
L Ups and Downs F*** my life Depression Forum 1
greebobeebo 3 weeks of ups and downs Depression Forum 1
J Wondering if I really have depression, or it's the 'normal' ups and downs of life? Am I paranoid? Depression Forum 10
PureLeaf Major/Chronic Depression is Hard to Deal With Depression Forum 28
K Major Depressive Disorder with Psychosis. Sad, but not alone because...VOICES! :D Depression Forum 0
R How do you cope with major depression Depression Forum 1
M Sharing my Experience of Major Depression Depression Forum 2
M Major Depressive Episode Recovery Depression Forum 8
W Major Depressive Episodes Depression Forum 8
G I have a major sleep problem Depression Forum 29
G i have major depression disorder having no luck Depression Forum 6
IrishinUSA I’m New Here - Major Depressive Disorder Depression Forum 25
A Major depression - looking for advices Depression Forum 3
J Persistent, clinical, major lifelong depression. My story... need help and guidance Depression Forum 1

Similar threads

Top