Brain poisoned at age 18, now 24 and adapted

J

Jake L.

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 7, 2015
Messages
68
#1
In my teens at around 18 years of age I managed to poison myself by eating gardening seeds that were coated by a pesticide, don't ask why I did it, I am the definition of an idiot.

The day after the incident I have noticed that I did not 'feel' the same way and that my brain didn't feel like it worked properly anymore. Before eating the 'seeds' I remember that thinking used to be easy and that when I thought my brain felt like it was all clockwork that worked well. The day after eating the poison, the inside of my head felt sore and I had headaches in both sides of my head, when I tried to think I couldn't form a clear thought and it felt like trying to start an engine that never started.

Of course this really frightened me so I looked up those new symptoms and about the situation I was in, google was far from reassuring. I read that pesticides can turn you into a vegetable, it can cause brain damage as well as nerve damage, maybe I could have mercury poisoning or anything like that.
This started a long few years of health anxiety, I demanded to get tested for neurotoxins (including mercury) and the results came back negative so that reassured me a little.
Of course my changed mind was still there so I had to just deal with it and learn how to live with this change, it took me a while but I managed.

I have finally come to terms with my situation at age 22 when I finally told a psychiatrist and the doctor everything, they said that they could never know what I ingested and that they have saw much worse, and I figured whatever may happen it is best to live life day-by-day minute-by-minute, no past and no future and nothing matters.

Nobody would assume that anything is wrong with me by looking at these paragraphs, or by looking at me in real life. My case is pretty mild compared to many cases out there thankfully and to those who have it bad I wish you a full recovery along the way.
When I write this I don't think of the words because my thinking is like an engine trying to start so that gets me nowhere, what I have to do is whisper out the words instead and let my hands take over, this method works fine but I have to check the words a lot because I always have to refine the paragraph to make it make sense.

I can still do things and function normally but my thoughts are very numb and they have been for a while, my movements have become my thoughts and movement has become my new brain but I still can play video games and do maths and write stories just like I used to but in a different way now.

Today, there has been a bug going round and everyone has the cold, I kinda got it and got a headache as well as an aching neck, my thoughts have been more out-of-whack today so I guess I written this to assure myself that I haven't completely lost my mind and health. (still kinda have health anxiety but its often manageable now)

But anyway I hope this gives hope to anyone who had brain injuries, even if we feel like we have lost a part of ourselves we can find new ways to compensate that, we are amazing.
And its pretty cool to think that I have a rusty brain while many people around me have non-rusty brains, rust is cool.
 
whitelection

whitelection

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 28, 2018
Messages
53
#2
I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive but... It sounds like you self-diagnosed yourself more than anything else...? This 'brain poison' sounds like paranoia, and you said you were a hypochondriac. Also, many pesticides are engineered specifically for *pests*, so they are unreactive to the human body. How do you know they were covered with pesticide though? Don't you think something more serious would have happened in case you did ingest them in large amounts?
 
J

Jake L.

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 7, 2015
Messages
68
#3
whitelection:
Its embarrassing but the garden seeds I ate were 'morning glory seeds' and I ate them to get high, because the effects are apparently much like LSD. I threw caution to the wind because I just wanted to get high (as stupid as that was) without considering the risks, it even said at the back of the packet that not to ingest it saying 'harmful if consumed' and I just assumed they said it because it makes you high.

I didn't worry about the risks until after ingesting them and I found some stories of other people who ate the same seeds and a few of them mentioned that they are coated with pesticides than can turn you in a vegetable, I assume that's only if you ingest ALOT of seeds. Nearly all of them washed the seeds before ingesting them, something I didn't do.

However my reaction to it could have a lot to do with the LSD, but I was pretty sick for a week after. My hair shed a lot and I was very pale according to my parents, got better but my head felt pretty much the same as after I ingested them. So a lot of it could be just the LSD and paranoia talking, but I was sick so maybe the poison played a role in it too maybe not as big as a role I thought.

I will never know really, but regardless I live life as normal as possible and am pretty good at forgetting the incident most of the time. Thanks for the reply.
 
J

Jake L.

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 7, 2015
Messages
68
#4
michael21: Haha, thanks mate. This post is just something I wanted to make for a while but was too embarrassed to but I thought "Aw, what the heck". And your right, my heads is ok and within the normal functioning range because I can still do things and I have not lost any ability to perform a function.

Like you said, its all in the past and I just gotta forget about it and not drink any more gardening products. :)