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BPD

Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
5,276
Location
California
Feeling sad. My moods can change rapidly. Lately, its been mostly sad. I feel that my emotions can be draining on the people that I love, so I hide them. Lately, sadness has been hard to hide and it's not good for others to be around so much sadness. They start to feel it too, feel tired, especially my husband.

I have a BPD diagnosis. Sometimes I'm not sure. Two things that have been constant and consistent are my marriage and my career.

I've always felt hidden, very sad and tried to cover those feelings. In saying always that doesn't mean every day, but for as long as I can remember, feeling deep sadness as young as 6 years old that would last long periods of time.

I care about others. It seems to me that most people here with BPD care about others. The things I hear outside of here about BPD sound extreme. Sometimes things said here sound extreme as in bad. For example, on a post on a different forum someone will share something troubling that is happening in life with a partner. The original poster will make no reference to BPD but is having a horrible time with someone who is being cruel. Someone will comment, it sound like a person with BPD or people I know with BPD. Does it? No, it sounds like a horrible person.

I think in life I go the complete opposite to try to say or do the things to make others happy. I'm both afraid and consumed by sadness and not wanting to admit this, but often anger to, it's emotions and feelings that I struggle through.

I've gotten help here on the forum from many people and many here have BPD. They have been good to me.

I guess this is a long vent and a thank you too.
 
O

Orangeade

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
1,739
Location
England
Feeling sad. My moods can change rapidly. Lately, its been mostly sad. I feel that my emotions can be draining on the people that I love, so I hide them. Lately, sadness has been hard to hide and it's not good for others to be around so much sadness. They start to feel it too, feel tired, especially my husband.

I have a BPD diagnosis. Sometimes I'm not sure. Two things that have been constant and consistent are my marriage and my career.

I've always felt hidden, very sad and tried to cover those feelings. In saying always that doesn't mean every day, but for as long as I can remember, feeling deep sadness as young as 6 years old that would last long periods of time.

I care about others. It seems to me that most people here with BPD care about others. The things I hear outside of here about BPD sound extreme. Sometimes things said here sound extreme as in bad. For example, on a post on a different forum someone will share something troubling that is happening in life with a partner. The original poster will make no reference to BPD but is having a horrible time with someone who is being cruel. Someone will comment, it sound like a person with BPD or people I know with BPD. Does it? No, it sounds like a horrible person.

I think in life I go the complete opposite to try to say or do the things to make others happy. I'm both afraid and consumed by sadness and not wanting to admit this, but often anger to, it's emotions and feelings that I struggle through.

I've gotten help here on the forum from many people and many here have BPD. They have been good to me.

I guess this is a long vent and a thank you too.
Thank you for sharing and im sending you love! Remember im always here to talk about ducks haha
 
I

IndigoCorkscrew

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 2, 2021
Messages
385
Location
Uk
I think a lot of people who use this forum hide how they feel in the so called real world, either to protect those around them or because it's so ingrained they can't be open even if they want to.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,156
Location
Australia
I think you have what they call Quiet Borderline. And you seem to have a lot of empathy and consideration for others.

I also think a lot of less aware people may have an idea set in their heads of what BPD is, and they unfortunately view it as a reason for poor / abusive behaviour.
 
Until

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
290
Location
uk
@Signofthetimes My moods change rapidly too. I am a caring person. I also have extreme emotions, I can get really angry. So people if they see that can think I am a horrible person. I can get really down/sad. So if they see that often will form an opinion of me. I feel judged a lot. But I am not just angry and sad I am lots of different emotions, I laugh, joke around, I am caring, giving, I can feel content sometimes. The ups and downs of BPD are hard for me,
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,156
Location
Australia
@Signofthetimes My moods change rapidly too. I am a caring person. I also have extreme emotions, I can get really angry. So people if they see that can think I am a horrible person. I can get really down/sad. So if they see that often will form an opinion of me. I feel judged a lot. But I am not just angry and sad I am lots of different emotions, I laugh, joke around, I am caring, giving, I can feel content sometimes. The ups and downs of BPD are hard for me,
Yes...we do get judged and misunderstood a LOT. If we're quiet and withdrawn, we're judged with concern. If we're angry and quiet / sullen / upset / passive aggressive, we're judged with surprise. If we're angry and explosive, we're judged with shock. If we're upset and emotional, we're judged with concerned confusion.

SIGH.
 
D

Dwight7

Well-known member
Joined
May 9, 2021
Messages
118
Location
TX
I think a lot of people who use this forum hide how they feel in the so called real world, either to protect those around them or because it's so ingrained they can't be open even if they want to.
I feel so different. Especially as a man with BPD. I internalize everything and deal with it alone. Seeing others going through what I’m going through helps a lot.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,156
Location
Australia
I feel so different. Especially as a man with BPD. I internalize everything and deal with it alone. Seeing others going through what I’m going through helps a lot.
You're definitely not alone! ❤
 
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