BPD with Severe Psychosis

J

Jules5

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#1
I am 56 years old and recently diagnosed with BPD and Severe Psychosis. If I had only known this when I was younger. These mental illnesses just do not come out of nowhere.

I do not think I would have ever told anyone this years ago, but at least I would have an idea of why I acted the way I did. I went through people's life's like a tornado. Never thinking about the damage I left behind.

Today I am so much more sensitive to others to a point-by bad ass comes out and rears its ugly head.
At least now I can understand why so many awful tings happened in my life. I am de-wiring right now trying change things around and working with my mental health.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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#2
It's good to hear you made progress. Is BPD bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder? I see that abbreviation a lot on here and I've never known which one it stands for.
 
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Jules5

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#3
It is Bi polar Disorder. I really do not think that is a good diagnosis for me. I do fir every symptom of Severe Psychosis. I would go under Schizophrenia. I think my Psych is trying to give me the benefit of the doubt. Or I should say Reality. My Aunty was Schizophrenic -I just never told my psych about this genetic gene in family. It is amazing what we do not disclose is the things that our hurting us the most.
I worked very well with Schizophrenic clients as I understood their distrust paranoia. I am high functioning whereas most people stereotype Schizo's....I am on Schizo... medications so maybe my psych knows.

I do not have mood swings only when provoked and using my survival instinct.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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#4
My past diagnoses were first depression with psychosis, then schizoaffective disorder, depressive type, then schizophrenia. Sometime diagnoses change over time. Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type is a diagnosis that the person has symptoms of bipolar and symptoms of schizophrenia. My dad had an uncle with schizophrenia and there are 5 cases of bipolar on my mom's side of the family, but I've never been manic.
 
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Jules5

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#5
I started out with major Depression and then it progressed from there. I had really not seen any changes in my behaviors but I have been going to the Psych for over 9 years.

Do you have hallucinations?

I did for a while scarest thing ever. I have audio hallucinations frequently. I did have visual. Not a fun thing.

I went off my medications for 6 weeks and this is when it all happened. I think it was withdraw symptoms.

Appreciate your input. You sound very close to my own diagnosises.
 
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Jules5

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#6
Now if I do not stay on meds the police come to my door to Baker Act me put me in mental place. Talk about sudden recovery when they are questioning you.
 
nomask

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#7
Bipolar disorder is believed to be very closely tied to schizophrenia spectrum disorders, and if I'm right it's considered a psychotic disorder as well as a mood disorder. Psychotic episodes occur during mood states only, while in schizophrenia episodes don't have any limits like that. From my knowledge, that's the only difference. I know a lot of people will have their diagnosis change a few times, so it may be that you have something on the schizophrenic spectrum rather than bipolar.
 
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Jules5

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#8
Hi nomask I just went to see a real psychiatrist two days ago. He changed my diagnosis to PTSD and when something triggers me I become psychotic. I have had many trauma 's in my life all leading to whay I act out. My aunt had schizophrenia so I am close but Dr Patel said as long as the voices are not talking directly to me I have PTSD. Thought I would add this. Hugs
 
BleachedViolet

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#9
Hi Jules,

I was misdiagnosed Bipolar II for 2 decades... Turns out I'm BPD as in borderline. Oops! It happens a lot the two are often mixed up, bc mania of bipolar is similar to a borderline's impulsivity. Just mania lasts longer, borderline is more of an hourly rollercoaster.

I just am posting bc I related to what you said about awakening to how you affected others. I had that epiphany a year or two ago, and it was a bitter pill to swallow. I wanted to inflict self-imposed amnesia upon myself!

But awareness, especially self awareness, is *vital* to the healing process. It's just what you do with it that counts. Use it as a guide for what you'd like to change or work on within yourself without dwelling on the negative too long/beating yourself up...

My husband has fallen into a well of self loathing and cant pull himself out of it. He is letting it destroy him. He also gets delusions...

How long do your manic episodes last? I ask this just bc borderline's can also have delusions and intense paranoia.

Though I'm not a dr. I have a psych degree, but a dr that does not make...

Anyway, you've taken a vital, and brutally honest yet unimaginably difficult critical step towards growth.

That 'awakening', where you look back at your life and it's almost like watching one of those films with a 'twist' at the end, that makes you reevaluate *everything* you've seen before and go "Aaaahhh... THAT was not at all what initially thought xyz meant..." is a KILLER - if that comparison makes sense? Just, for me, so many times I thought *I* was the victim (and there were many times I was, but the older I got, the more I projected...). I one day realized my hands weren't as clean as I had once thought. That i had hurt my share of people or pushed goid souls away out of my own crappy coping mechanisms that were self-taught...

This is just *my* experience, no judgement on you. I'm just trying to relate and hope to be of some small shred of help...

I wish you the best in your growth and recovery. What you described is one of the hardest, yet most crucial parts of getting better...

:hug:
 
daffy

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#10
Hi jules I was diagnosed bipolar but when I started having psychosis the diagnosis was changed to schitzoaffective which could be what you have not full on schizophrenia. It may be worth discussing this with your pdoc