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BPD..until now I didn't know it existed......all those years of suffering.

Unique1

Unique1

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BPD..until now I didn't know it existed......all those years of suffering.

I just thought I was extremely insecure and a horrible person, couldn't understand why I acted like I did in relationships..it was like torture, constantly feeling any partner I had was going to leave me, feeling everyone else was better than me in every way. The constant pressure my mind was under was immense...its kind of a relief to read posts here and realise its a disorder, and not me on my own, the only person that experiences this. All of the heartache I have gone through, not knowing and feeling ashamed of myself...I'm feeling quite emotional about it all right now, the things in my life it has ruined..feeling maybe I will never have a relationship ever again, which makes me feel very sad..I did have hope, but now I feel I just don't want to feel those feelings about anyone again, it was torturous! ....
Bless you all that suffer in this way.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Generally I believe that my BPD isn't an accurate diagnosis.

My behaviour around potential partners or people who I had a 'more than friends but not in an official relationship' kind of relationship with however, has been absolutely torturous.
At the moment, i've accepted that it's something I simply can't do to myself because even having a potential boyfriend is enough to bring out the worst of me in terms of my emotional issues.

So yeah, it's a bugger, isn't it? :hug:
But you really aren't alone and you really aren't a bad person. :hug::hug:
 
Unique1

Unique1

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:) thank you SomersetScorpio ..And yes it sure is a bugger...I'm grateful for this forum and the people on it...some relief to understand some things at least..like you I think there are some discrepancies in my diagnosis, although I tick quite a few of the boxes for this, especially on the relationship front...
X
 
B

broken1

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I had no idea about BPD until diagnosed. I was stunned that the therapist knew all this about me...when he was questioning me. All my life I just thought I was a weird freak. After diagnosed, I researched it and was like..that is ME!!!! Finally I didn't feel so alone. I destroyed so much of my life because of this disorder. Welcome aboard. Great support here.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Thanks Broken1
Understand how you felt, a lot of things make sense to me now.
 
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