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BPD Splitting episode

maggie0123

maggie0123

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I'm really angry internally at my sister, I guess she's just so insensitive about everything and it fucking pisses me off. Last night, I got super drunk with my cousin and siblings last night. And I kept blabbering about many things, and my sister just doesnt know when she should not cross a line. I was joking about hooking up with men. Suddenly my sister, I dont know how it started but we started bringing up the topic of me kissing a girl once. she snitched on me about liking girls, when my cousin asked if i liked a girl I said no, and my sister was like nudging me that "yeah right, you even told me about the summer how you would post a story for the girl' like why the fuck would you do that? snitch on me and the fact that my cousin doesnt know I'm out yet and I'm still not comfortable with myself being out. after everyone went to sleep, I went back to my room and I had a splitting/rage episode. I got really angry at my sister by myself and started crying really about why would she out me like that, I was crying my balls out so I started harming myself again. I just dont fucking understand how can someone be that fucking stupid. two people have fucking outed me and I fucking hate it. Dont I have the right to be mad? Or am I being petty?
 
maggie0123

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and when i confronted her about what she said last night, she started lying to me that she didnt.to my fucking face. she cant stop fucking lying.
 
maggie0123

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and just the way she fucking apologized? what the fuck was that like it wasnt a big deal
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Dear maggie0123,

Hope you are keeping well. Listen, obviously it was crass and insensitive of your sister to out you like that without your permission and its understandable that you are angry at her. But you gotta remember people say things all the time without thinking, especially when they are drunk. Doesn't make it any less hurtful but it is what it is.

She lied because she realised what she had done and then panicked. Its a good thing that she apologised, I suggest you take it at face value rather than reading into it too much. For now take a breather a think about what you are going to do. When you are in a better mood, talk to your sister in private and explain to her why you are angry and why you feel that what she did was wrong.

Next, I remember you said in your earlier post that you have very conservative parents, which is why I am assuming you don't want your sexuality to be known to them. As far as your cousin is concerned, the cat is out of the bag now. Don't try and play it off as a joke, or tell them it was just a game or no big deal or lie or stretch the truth, that would just open up more questions. Get your sister, cousin all in one room and come clean to them. Explain that you don't want this to be made a spectacle of because of your parents. They are your family, and they are your age so they will understand. As long as you stay calm, and have a proper adult conversation with them, this can still be contained.

And please, don't do anything to hurt yourself. If you feel like you are in crisis, talk to someone.

wish you all the best,
-H
 
maggie0123

maggie0123

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Dear maggie0123,

Hope you are keeping well. Listen, obviously it was crass and insensitive of your sister to out you like that without your permission and its understandable that you are angry at her. But you gotta remember people say things all the time without thinking, especially when they are drunk. Doesn't make it any less hurtful but it is what it is.

She lied because she realised what she had done and then panicked. Its a good thing that she apologised, I suggest you take it at face value rather than reading into it too much. For now take a breather a think about what you are going to do. When you are in a better mood, talk to your sister in private and explain to her why you are angry and why you feel that what she did was wrong.

Next, I remember you said in your earlier post that you have very conservative parents, which is why I am assuming you don't want your sexuality to be known to them. As far as your cousin is concerned, the cat is out of the bag now. Don't try and play it off as a joke, or tell them it was just a game or no big deal or lie or stretch the truth, that would just open up more questions. Get your sister, cousin all in one room and come clean to them. Explain that you don't want this to be made a spectacle of because of your parents. They are your family, and they are your age so they will understand. As long as you stay calm, and have a proper adult conversation with them, this can still be contained.

And please, don't do anything to hurt yourself. If you feel like you are in crisis, talk to someone.

wish you all the best,
-H
Hey HLon,

Thanks for that and I agree with everything you said. My anger and shame really clouded my judgement, and it's really hard for me to be out to my cousins and why I obviously got so irritated at my sister, and I guess she was kind of tipsy too that time (but I'm really not that sure because I was really wasted so I don't know exactly her mental state then and they were posting about me a lot on their Instagram stories last night so they were really sober), but right now I still am not in the mood to talk to her cause I'm still processing everything that happened last night. But a part of me also finds it really hard to forgive her about the lying too, cause maybe she panicked when I confronted her about it yet a part of me still can't take her apology seriously cause lying has become a habit of hers. This isn't the first time she's ever lied to me and she makes a lot of small lies just to get herself out of trouble or when she doesnt want to deal with the responsibility of handling a problem. The sorry did not even feel sincere at all and I really don't have that mental capacity to deal with inauthenticity. I'm still so irritated at her when I think of the way she apologized like it seemed so patronizing and I really hate being smothered. The more I see her now from when I got back home for university, the more she irritates me I know theres some underlying reason to this but I cant stand being with her.
 
maggie0123

maggie0123

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Hey HLon,

Thanks for that and I agree with everything you said. My anger and shame really clouded my judgement, and it's really hard for me to be out to my cousins and why I obviously got so irritated at my sister, and I guess she was kind of tipsy too that time (but I'm really not that sure because I was really wasted so I don't know exactly her mental state then and they were posting about me a lot on their Instagram stories last night so they were really sober), but right now I still am not in the mood to talk to her cause I'm still processing everything that happened last night. But a part of me also finds it really hard to forgive her about the lying too, cause maybe she panicked when I confronted her about it yet a part of me still can't take her apology seriously cause lying has become a habit of hers. This isn't the first time she's ever lied to me and she makes a lot of small lies just to get herself out of trouble or when she doesnt want to deal with the responsibility of handling a problem. The sorry did not even feel sincere at all and I really don't have that mental capacity to deal with inauthenticity. I'm still so irritated at her when I think of the way she apologized like it seemed so patronizing and I really hate being smothered. The more I see her now from when I got back home for university, the more she irritates me I know theres some underlying reason to this but I cant stand being with her.
Just a note also, we had a fight the other night too just about the dishes. I made her food, and I asked her if she could wash the dishes after including the frying pan I used. She washed the dishes but obviously she was too lazy to do it so she only ended up washing the plate she used and not the frying pan and she was making up a lot of bullshit about the frying pan is not supposed to be cleaned and it has to be placed overnight because it's supposed because of the oil for some bullshit reason. and I told her that she just didnt want to wash the pan, and she started making up excuses and bullshit that she does the dishes when shes at university trying to prove that she does her chores and she called me arrogant after that. the next day (it was the night we drank), she needed pants so she tried borrowing my mom's but she couldnt find any and she went up to me smothering me which irritates me so fucking much and I shrugged her off to show her how annoyed I was. we only started talking that night because my cousin and her girlfriend (shes bi) came over and they were drinking and I didnt want to be a killjoy. But I still was really annoyed at her. I know I sound so petty, but living with her and seeing how she really is just irritates me so much, the only focus in her life right now is being in her relationship, note that they broke up twice, and a part of me feels like she is no longer herself without her girlfirend, it's not even healthy anymore and it's affecting so many aspects of her life; she can't make decisions for herself, she's so dismissive, constantly lying (and sometimes actually believing those lies she says), and she's too enmeshed it's not even romance because I think she doesnt even know how to be with herself. She hates being alone and I noticed that, she cant deal with her thoughts, shes always watching television even if shes not watching, she doesnt exercise, or take care of herself and she doesnt even think of anything else outside of the relationship that it affects the people around her. Sorry for ranting but I just have so much on my chest
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Hey HLon,

Thanks for that and I agree with everything you said. My anger and shame really clouded my judgement, and it's really hard for me to be out to my cousins and why I obviously got so irritated at my sister, and I guess she was kind of tipsy too that time (but I'm really not that sure because I was really wasted so I don't know exactly her mental state then and they were posting about me a lot on their Instagram stories last night so they were really sober), but right now I still am not in the mood to talk to her cause I'm still processing everything that happened last night. But a part of me also finds it really hard to forgive her about the lying too, cause maybe she panicked when I confronted her about it yet a part of me still can't take her apology seriously cause lying has become a habit of hers. This isn't the first time she's ever lied to me and she makes a lot of small lies just to get herself out of trouble or when she doesnt want to deal with the responsibility of handling a problem. The sorry did not even feel sincere at all and I really don't have that mental capacity to deal with inauthenticity. I'm still so irritated at her when I think of the way she apologized like it seemed so patronizing and I really hate being smothered. The more I see her now from when I got back home for university, the more she irritates me I know theres some underlying reason to this but I cant stand being with her.
Dear Maggie,

That's OK. Take your time with it. You don't have to forgive her straight away, considering she hasn't even apologised properly. But looking forwards its never a good idea to hold grudges, its best to keep her on your side, given what she knows about you. Siblings can sometime drive you crazy but they are family in the end and its best to stay close regardless. Shrugging off responsibility and lying is of course toxic behaviour and you were totally right to call her out on it. If this kind of behaviour is endemic in her you need to set boundaries with her. Maybe don't share all your secrets with her otherwise it puts you in vulnerable position. Maybe if you have a close friend who you know is reliable you can confide in them instead.

Hope this helps and I hope you can patch things up with your sister in time.

all the best,
H
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Just a note also, we had a fight the other night too just about the dishes. I made her food, and I asked her if she could wash the dishes after including the frying pan I used. She washed the dishes but obviously she was too lazy to do it so she only ended up washing the plate she used and not the frying pan and she was making up a lot of bullshit about the frying pan is not supposed to be cleaned and it has to be placed overnight because it's supposed because of the oil for some bullshit reason. and I told her that she just didnt want to wash the pan, and she started making up excuses and bullshit that she does the dishes when shes at university trying to prove that she does her chores and she called me arrogant after that. the next day (it was the night we drank), she needed pants so she tried borrowing my mom's but she couldnt find any and she went up to me smothering me which irritates me so fucking much and I shrugged her off to show her how annoyed I was. we only started talking that night because my cousin and her girlfriend (shes bi) came over and they were drinking and I didnt want to be a killjoy. But I still was really annoyed at her. I know I sound so petty, but living with her and seeing how she really is just irritates me so much, the only focus in her life right now is being in her relationship, note that they broke up twice, and a part of me feels like she is no longer herself without her girlfirend, it's not even healthy anymore and it's affecting so many aspects of her life; she can't make decisions for herself, she's so dismissive, constantly lying (and sometimes actually believing those lies she says), and she's too enmeshed it's not even romance because I think she doesnt even know how to be with herself. She hates being alone and I noticed that, she cant deal with her thoughts, shes always watching television even if shes not watching, she doesnt exercise, or take care of herself and she doesnt even think of anything else outside of the relationship that it affects the people around her. Sorry for ranting but I just have so much on my chest
No please, rant away. Its better to vent rather than hold in your anger. Sounds like your cousin has some serious co-dependancy issues. Part of me feels like she might have some psychological issues of her own. Its important that you express this concern to her, and perhaps using your own experience might help her. However, don't try too hard to 'fix her relationship', that never works, trust me. People in unhealthy/toxic relationships need to be able to learn how to stand on their own two feet and you can certain help and support her to become a stronger person but in the end of the day she has to make the decision. You can open the door, but its up to her to walk through it.

Meanwhile, you should try and prioritise you own mental heath. You need to find healthier ways of coping with your anger. Find yourself an outlet; maybe exercise, art or even writing things down in a diary. I find that mindfulness meditation really helps. In meditation you learn to not always judge things as 'good' or 'bad' but just accept the situation for what it really 'is' and I really think that this can help you.
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

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I'm really angry internally at my sister, I guess she's just so insensitive about everything and it fucking pisses me off. Last night, I got super drunk with my cousin and siblings last night. And I kept blabbering about many things, and my sister just doesnt know when she should not cross a line. I was joking about hooking up with men. Suddenly my sister, I dont know how it started but we started bringing up the topic of me kissing a girl once. she snitched on me about liking girls, when my cousin asked if i liked a girl I said no, and my sister was like nudging me that "yeah right, you even told me about the summer how you would post a story for the girl' like why the fuck would you do that? snitch on me and the fact that my cousin doesnt know I'm out yet and I'm still not comfortable with myself being out. after everyone went to sleep, I went back to my room and I had a splitting/rage episode. I got really angry at my sister by myself and started crying really about why would she out me like that, I was crying my balls out so I started harming myself again. I just dont fucking understand how can someone be that fucking stupid. two people have fucking outed me and I fucking hate it. Dont I have the right to be mad? Or am I being petty?
Totally get it. I told my mom I was gay and told her not to tell anyone. A few minutes later my sister called me telling me that my mom told her I was gay. I was so fucking pissed because I wanted to be the one to tell my sister because she’s hyper religious and I wanted to wait a little while.
 
maggie0123

maggie0123

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No please, rant away. Its better to vent rather than hold in your anger. Sounds like your cousin has some serious co-dependancy issues. Part of me feels like she might have some psychological issues of her own. Its important that you express this concern to her, and perhaps using your own experience might help her. However, don't try too hard to 'fix her relationship', that never works, trust me. People in unhealthy/toxic relationships need to be able to learn how to stand on their own two feet and you can certain help and support her to become a stronger person but in the end of the day she has to make the decision. You can open the door, but its up to her to walk through it.

Meanwhile, you should try and prioritise you own mental heath. You need to find healthier ways of coping with your anger. Find yourself an outlet; maybe exercise, art or even writing things down in a diary. I find that mindfulness meditation really helps. In meditation you learn to not always judge things as 'good' or 'bad' but just accept the situation for what it really 'is' and I really think that this can help you.
Thank you so much for this. Your advise and responses really help me a lot to get through things and process things even though we may not know each other, this really helps. I hope you're doing okay too
 
maggie0123

maggie0123

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Totally get it. I told my mom I was gay and told her not to tell anyone. A few minutes later my sister called me telling me that my mom told her I was gay. I was so fucking pissed because I wanted to be the one to tell my sister because she’s hyper religious and I wanted to wait a little while.
Yeah, thanks for sharing that with me. Comforting to know someone's been through the same
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Thank you so much for this. Your advise and responses really help me a lot to get through things and process things even though we may not know each other, this really helps. I hope you're doing okay too
You're very welcome. I'm glad that I could help. I'm doing fine thanks for asking, been under a bit of stress recently but I'm learning how cope with it better.
 
N

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I managed to sorta out myself to my mother, actually. She had just told me (with my sister's permission) that my sister had come out. I was like "Go figure, neither of your oldest children are straight."

Turns out, Mom hadn't put the pieces together. Pretty minor, I know, but I did have a "oh dear" moment.
 
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