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BPD Partner doesn't love me anymore

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pinkpenguin

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2018
Messages
2
I've been in a relationship with my BPD fiancee for 7 years now and yesterday she told me that she does not love me anymore. She said she felt this way for several months and that she still cares about me a lot. I am also sure she has feelings for another man she just met at work, which she doesn't deny.

This has upset me a lot as my partner was getting better now in terms of emotions and health, and our financial situation was finally getting stable.
I've been taking care of her for all this years when it came to the house chores, financially and acting like a supportive partner.

She has told me that she isn't good enough for me, that I deserve better and that I have taken far to many sacrifices and life decisions only for her. I felt like I had to do all of those things in order to support her and I enjoyed seeing her happy. I've also been there for her through all her crisis and give that emotional help that she didn't receive from her loved ones.

She has told me that we as a couple haven't had enough space, while at the same time we don't spend enough quality time. I do try to make time available for her after work or at the weekends (long hours and high stress), but she is either to tired, socially anxious or afraid of wasting money to do anything with me. She also tells me that I need to make decisions for myself and not take her into account so much. I understand what she is saying but I am an adult and I can make decisions for myself, I also felt that if we went my way she would break the relationship.

I don't know what to do. I still love her and I was so happy and eager to see our relationship in the next chapter. Some of the problems she identified are hard to overcome but possible to go through them, although I don't know if it is to late. My fear is she has strong emotions for somebody else (getting an emotional high) and she can't feel anything for me anymore. She hasn't made up her mind yet, but I don't know what to do.
 
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Griss

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2017
Messages
16
Location
UK
Hi -

Sorry, but take it from someone who's been at the receiving end of this lousy illness and been kept in the dark for a very long time (through blind love and devotion) . . . .take this as a blessing in disguise. 7 years is a stretch but not that long - this is in my view a 'test' . . .and you'll be getting plenty more tests on your loyalty & utter devotion within frequently increasing time periods as the years roll by . . .

In my experience BPD people can be utterly charming, sexy and waif like in the formative years - they can make you feel a million dollars . . .they deserve to be looked after forever surely? That is until the games start and the excitement pill that you've probably been swallowing for 7 years loses its tarnish. Believe me when that happens you won't know what hit you but you will spend your time desperately trying to return to the honeymoon phase that will NEVER return . . . .

In all honesty, unless you have the patience of a saint and can handle a near constant state of friction I would run before its too late. Let the guy in the office take away your pain . . . . . .I wish I'd had a 'guy in the office' do this for me . . .
 
Last edited:
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
33,225
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi
i have BPD and i can tell you from experience living with this illness can be hell
the fact that she told you she isn't good enough for you and you deserve better i can really relate to-i used to say that all the time

BPD is constant emotional highs and lows and it is so hard for both the sufferer of the illness and the partner to cope with

if you want to make things work with her you really need to convey this to her ,she may find it difficult to believe because if she is anything like me she will think she is good enough for nobody

it sounds like you have given a lot to the relationship and been very patient ,im sure she appreciates that and realises it but just finds it hard to accept due to the nature of the illness

i hope things work out for yo both ,i truly do
please keep us updated

amd welcome x
 
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froggymom

Active member
Joined
Jul 24, 2017
Messages
29
I'm sorry you are going through this. 7 years is a long investment, and it sounds like you put a lot into it. However, you can't force anyone to feel or not feel a certain way. It would be great if it all worked out the way you want it to, but if it doesn't there will be another relationship.Keep the good memories and the door open for new and wonderful things in the future. Hugs!
 
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pinkpenguin

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2018
Messages
2
Thank you all for the replies.
As I thought she did disclose it was somebody else that she has feelings, along with the other problems. I feel like she is shifting a lot of emphasis on the problems of the relationship rather than on her own feelings.
I've been patient and went through a lot of the BPD crises without being scared or inpatient.
I am more and more sure she is making up her mind which is really hard to swallow when that same person showed you a lot of affection and being wanted just a week earlier.
 
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