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BPD how to get control back?

A

Anastasiia

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Amsterdam
Hey,
I have BPD, and it's getting tough lately. I decided to be more social and had a couple of dates over past few weeks.
There is a guy I really like, we met 3 times but I cannot stop thinking about him and getting obsessed. He was super sweet and nice these weeks, saying he liked me, but lately I feel Im getting annoying. I would love to see him more often, but he is busy. Of course, thougts like he doesn't want to meet, why work is more important than me, etc. We are chatting almost every day, but sometimes my messages are unansweted and I take it personally of course. Last days I might put too much pressure and feel the person looses interest that makes me crazy. He is a super intetesting person that I have met after a year of isolation.

During the week, Im super busy so can control my emotions better, but duting weekends Im going crazy. I started drinking till I hardly walk again, don't remember part of yrsterday's night. I badly want to harm myself and it takes all my energy and hours of self-convincing not to. Im living alone in another country with no really close friends or anyone knowing I have BPD, and now I feel Im drowning in my emotions. I dont know how to take control over them
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
977
Location
Norfolk
Hey,
I have BPD, and it's getting tough lately. I decided to be more social and had a couple of dates over past few weeks.
There is a guy I really like, we met 3 times but I cannot stop thinking about him and getting obsessed. He was super sweet and nice these weeks, saying he liked me, but lately I feel Im getting annoying. I would love to see him more often, but he is busy. Of course, thougts like he doesn't want to meet, why work is more important than me, etc. We are chatting almost every day, but sometimes my messages are unansweted and I take it personally of course. Last days I might put too much pressure and feel the person looses interest that makes me crazy. He is a super intetesting person that I have met after a year of isolation.

During the week, Im super busy so can control my emotions better, but duting weekends Im going crazy. I started drinking till I hardly walk again, don't remember part of yrsterday's night. I badly want to harm myself and it takes all my energy and hours of self-convincing not to. Im living alone in another country with no really close friends or anyone knowing I have BPD, and now I feel Im drowning in my emotions. I dont know how to take control over them
Sounds like you are using emotional reasoning and making your decisions based entirely on your feelings. Your feelings involve thoughts, usually negative, that cause you to turn to self destructive coping mechanisms. You then act on those thoughts through urges with probably no fear of consequence. All this is based on negative core beliefs you hold about yourself such as you’re unloveable, not worthy and don’t really matter.
So that’s how BPD is affecting you, imo, and so what to do. Basically you are going to have to learn to control your emotions so they do not cause you to suffer. The good news is this is achievable. BPD needn’t be a life sentence. You are going to need to learn how to keep calm and give yourself time to think before you act. This is achieved by being mindful. Meditation, exercise and yoga are also of great benefit in this respect. A psychologist who knows Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is what you really need although there are excellent self help books around. Personally I’ve found Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Gallen and the Mindful way through Depression by Kabat Zinn extremely helpful. I got them both in audio format, and the later comes with a free meditation CD.
 
A

Anastasiia

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Amsterdam
Sounds like you are using emotional reasoning and making your decisions based entirely on your feelings. Your feelings involve thoughts, usually negative, that cause you to turn to self destructive coping mechanisms. You then act on those thoughts through urges with probably no fear of consequence. All this is based on negative core beliefs you hold about yourself such as you’re unloveable, not worthy and don’t really matter.
So that’s how BPD is affecting you, imo, and so what to do. Basically you are going to have to learn to control your emotions so they do not cause you to suffer. The good news is this is achievable. BPD needn’t be a life sentence. You are going to need to learn how to keep calm and give yourself time to think before you act. This is achieved by being mindful. Meditation, exercise and yoga are also of great benefit in this respect. A psychologist who knows Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is what you really need although there are excellent self help books around. Personally I’ve found Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Gallen and the Mindful way through Depression by Kabat Zinn extremely helpful. I got them both in audio format, and the later comes with a free meditation CD.
Oh wow, thanks! I do yoga, and it really helps. I go to gym also 4 times a week, it helps me to calm down.
Just yeah, sometimes it's like I don't see what Im doing and realize when it's done. And yeah, I moved to another country, alone, got a new job I love. And just because of coincidence got a higher position. Even though I love it and enjoy, I know Im less experienced than others. Probably all that is a great pressure that affects my mind and emotions lately.

But thank you for the books suggested, I'll start reading/listening to them
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
977
Location
Norfolk
Oh wow, thanks! I do yoga, and it really helps. I go to gym also 4 times a week, it helps me to calm down.
Just yeah, sometimes it's like I don't see what Im doing and realize when it's done. And yeah, I moved to another country, alone, got a new job I love. And just because of coincidence got a higher position. Even though I love it and enjoy, I know Im less experienced than others. Probably all that is a great pressure that affects my mind and emotions lately.

But thank you for the books suggested, I'll start reading/listening to them
Those books will really help you, especially on top in the excellent work you are already doing. I wish you well.
 
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