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bpd help

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lifeispeachy

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Joined
Feb 17, 2015
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5
Location
ireland
I was just wondering is there anybody else who has experience/ has BPD I was recently diagnosed with it, even though in my chart in the hospital it was recorded 5 years ago but to my knowledge I was never made aware of it. about a month ago my stress levels were through the roof leading to a lot of self harm and suicidal thoughts, I was also abused as a child both sexually and physically so my intrusive thoughts were quite graphic and vivid. this lead to my dissociating and basically i lost my emotions or any i did have were warped i left my girlfriend who was like my soul mate and went off with another woman with no compassion or remorse, then one day all my emotions started coming back and i didn’t even know what was going on what i had just done or why. Now we are talking again and working things out as she is a nurse and as soon as this happened she was convinced it was BPD. but every time we talk about what i did or what happened to me or if there is an argument my emotions go from calm to i want to die, even to the point where i read up on the easiest was to kill yourself, i ended up hurting myself badly and its getting to the point were i feel like this will get me in the end that one day i will just end it all, I have tried before and was very lucky to survive but its just getting to the point where it feels unbearable. I feel like this is going to get me and finish me in the end.
 
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*autumn*

*autumn*

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Welcome lifeispeachy
i hope you find support that you need.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Hi lifeispeachy, :welcome: to the forum.

I am sorry you have experienced so much trauma. I have BPD and I have had the same issues with not being able to talk about my past without getting very strong urges to SH or getting really agitated and wanting to punish myself in some way. I think in BPD terminology it is known as emotional dysregulation, which I think means we do not know how to soothe ourselves when we experience upsetting feelings, probably because we did not learn this in childhood and also because we experienced extreme things growing up such as abuse and so on.

Have you asked for any therapy at all? There is something known as DBT which is meant to teach skills such as how to cope without SH-ing, or some people have found psychodynamic therapy helpful as it deals with the childhood issues. Maybe getting some help first of all in coping without hurting yourself would be helpful as therapy does bring up painful stuff.

I hope you will find it helpful being on the forum, there are people on here who've had help for BPD, have a look through the threads, chat to people and see :hug:
 
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lifeispeachy

Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2015
Messages
5
Location
ireland
Thank you autumnalsprinkles. Toasted Crumpet it just keeps getting worse i feel so numb today and and emotion i have is just not what i think is real if that makes sence. my urge to self harm is really high and when ever i fight it my head feels like its about to pop, im with a pshyc doctor every week but i find it so hard to take in whats going on, he wants me to do mindfulness exercises etc but my brain is just too tired, my destructive side is really taking a grip on me, everything i have it wants to destroy and then destroy me with alcohol and drugs and i dont even drink when things are normal. my eyes are getting tired and my fight is growing less.
 
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