BPD hell

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nataliewxx

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Joined
Feb 24, 2015
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10
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England
#1
Since my fathers passing last year my BPD has gotten worse. I am more impulsive than ever..I drink more..my moods are all over. I feel absolutely terrible and lonely. Each day I wake up nervous and scared of what the day might bring. I also have ocd and severe paranoia..I smoke alot also. I really would like to talk to people who might feel similar because I feel so lonely. Thanks
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Oct 21, 2014
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#2
Hi nataliewxx, welcome to the forum.

I don't have BPD but just wanted to tell you that mental health conditions are often exacerbated if you go through bereavement or any traumatic event.

It has happened to me. When my Dad died I was hypomanic and psychotic on and off for most of two years, although I didn't realise that is what happened at the time. Then I went into depression. When my mother died, depression and psychosis.

The emotional trauma disrupts everything and if you already have a mental health disorder it is worse.

Be kind to yourself.

I am very sorry for your loss. I am sure you will find people with similar experiences on the forum who are very supportive.
 
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nataliewxx

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Feb 24, 2015
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#3
Hi Sarah im so sorry to hear you have lost both parents. I agree that mental health can get worse with bereavement etc. I was thinking about seeing a bereavement person to try cope with my fathers sudden passing. But try to convince myself I can handle it myself. Don't know if I can deal with it anymore. Thank you for your reply. If youd like to chat I am here x
 
SarahD

SarahD

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#4
Natalie I think you should see a bereavement counsellor if that is available for you. It can't do any harm and may really help. Coping with loss is hard, talking with a counsellor can help you come to terms with it, at least partially.

Losing someone you love, I don't think you ever get over it totally, but you learn ways to cope better. I would try any help you can get. If it doesn't help you haven't lost anything, and it might be good for you. Xx
 
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broken1

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Jan 23, 2015
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#6
Hi Nataliewxx.,

I understand your pain. I lost my mom 7 years ago and I went a bit off. Everyday with BPD is hell but stressful situations exacerbate it. Hugs.
 
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nataliewxx

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Joined
Feb 24, 2015
Messages
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England
#7
Hi broken1. Sorry to hear about your mum. I m here if u need to chat. My dad wasn't really that old and it was so sudden its hard to get my head around it.
 
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HospitalForSouls

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Feb 5, 2015
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Birmingham, UK
#8
I lost my dad when I was 16, right before my GCSEs. At the time, I switched my emotions off completely and that wasn't healthy at all. I used to see him sitting across from me in our living room and he'd tell me how disappointed he was and how weak I was for not grieving. I used to hear him speak to me when I went to sleep and had insomnia most of the time. I know that with BPD and it's tendency to increase the potency of emotions, grieving can be really difficult. However, it's not supposed to be easy, and therefore the best advice I can give you, is give yourself time to grieve naturally. Do not bottle it up, because that's what happened with me and that can really mess you up.

Stay Safe :hug:
 
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broken1

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#9
Hi nataliewxx

Were you very close to your dad? I'm so sorry he passed. I grieved my mom but I still miss her everyday. Lots of regrets. I lost two siblings less than two months apart. Due to my meds I never grieved them. I think SarahD was right about seeing a grief counsellor. Don't bottle it up. HospitalforSouls is right.

I'd be glad to chat with you. Feel free. I often feel lonely as well as no one I know knows how I feel. I'm so glad I found this forum. Take care now.
 

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