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BPD -- Favorite Person -- Struggling right now.

  • Thread starter TheBoyWithAWanderingMind
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TheBoyWithAWanderingMind

Active member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
36
Location
USA
Hello,

I'm looking for input and advice from those of you who have and/or currently struggle with having a favorite person.

A few weeks ago, I started talking to this guy I met on Facebook. We interact every day (via text, Snapchat, etc.) and I've even hung out with him a few times and had a great time. Most mornings, I'm greeted by him with either a text or a snap (from Snapchat), as he's usually up before I am for work, and we'll communicate from there, on throughout the day.

Here's where I'm struggling, though...

On mornings where I don't received any form of communication from him, I'm taken aback and will usually look to see if he's been on social media at all. If I see that he has, it feels like a slap to the face to see that he's been on and hasn't bothered to message me. I'll then start to question if I've made him mad or have said something that has put him off in some way or another. What I'll do next is I'll wait, for however long as necessary, for him to send me something, as receiving contact from him first indicates that he isn't mad at me or hasn't forgotten about me. The wait can be hard, though, as the anxiety and tension mounts before receiving contact. Once contact is received, the anxiety and tension will dissipate.

Last weekend, I spent the night at his place. We just cuddled, watched television and talked about various things before eventually falling asleep. All throughout the night, his phone was buzzing and lighting up with Snapchats from various other people. I don't try to be nosy but it's hard not to notice. He doesn't really acknowledge them when I'm around, which I appreciate, however, I can't help but feel an urge to know who these people are that he' corresponding with. Last Monday night, he went somewhere but I'm not sure where. I didn't ask, as I don't want to pry, but he made no mention of his outing while communicating with me the following day. Earlier this evening, I noticed that he uploaded to his Snapchat story - clearly he was out for the night - but I also noticed that he has disabled his location on the app, as he doesn't want people (or me) to see where he is. Personally, I find this to be a bit odd. When we first started talking, he indicated that he really didn't have many friends. He also hasn't really talked about the ones that he does have or shared any stories about them. With having notated all of this, I can't help but feel like he's hiding something from me. I know that we're not a couple and that he doesn't have to report to me on where he's going, who he'll be with, etc. I don't expect that. I do, however, find it strange that he goes silent when he goes out for the night and makes no mention of it later on in casual conversation. I would think maybe he'd say "Oh, yeah, I was out with a friend last night and we went and saw a movie!" or something of that nature but he doesn't do that. I never ask him any questions, though, as it's none of my business...but I do wonder and a part of me takes this all very personally. I get the sense that he doesn't want me to know that he hangs out with others or that he talks to other people. If that's that case, is this a person to continue to invest time in? I've really enjoyed him so far but perhaps I don't know him well enough yet? Perhaps it's too soon to tell?

Not only would I say this guy is may favorite person, but I think it's safe to say that I have feelings for him, as well and perhaps that is why this is all so hard for me. He expressed interest in me but due to a rough break-up I had back in May, I explained to him that I couldn't be in a relationship at this time.
So...basically, I want my favorite person as a lover but I don't feel like I'm ready for a relationship at this time...and it's hard to consider the possibility that he could be out looking for someone or talking to others that could potentially take the place that I want but don't feel I'm ready for. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted at this point. I don't have a history of self harming but I have contemplated whether or not I would feel any sense of relief in doing so.

If you've taken the time to read all of this, I'm very grateful. Input, advise, encouragement and kind words are all appreciated.

Love you all.
 
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Prince Charming

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Mar 29, 2019
Messages
120
Location
Milton Keynes
Hello boy with the wandering mind You describe your friend as your favorite person have you ever asked him if you are his favorite person?
 
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Prince Charming

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2019
Messages
120
Location
Milton Keynes
Sorry that first part of my reply should have not been posted on it's own. What Iwanted to say to you was maybe you could arrange between yourselves a time when you both saw other people?😊
 
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TheBoyWithAWanderingMind

Active member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
36
Location
USA
Sorry that first part of my reply should have not been posted on it's own. What Iwanted to say to you was maybe you could arrange between yourselves a time when you both saw other people?😊
Hello Prince Charming,

Thank your for your comment. To address your previous comment, no, I don't believe I'm his "favorite person". We do, however, communicate every day via text and Snapchat. With that being said, he's usually the first to initiate. So, I suppose I could say that I am a "favorite person" but perhaps not the "favorite person".

To address your second comment, it's not necessary for us to arrange time for us to see other people, as we are not a couple.
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
467
Location
Uk
On the days he doesnt text you, have you thought that maybe he is seeing if you will text him first?

I just know that if I was texting first all of the time, I would stop to see if they would text me and if they didnt, I'd assume they weren't as interested. (Due to my bpd style thinking, I'd never text them again unless they text me.) He is still texting you though so he obviously likes you enough to be the first to text every time.


Im guessing this is like a friends with benefit type thing?
What I would do is have a discussion with him. explaining that you are developing feelings and would like to continue how things are, on the condition that you are mutually exclusive.
If he cannot do that, then I think youd have to put a stop to it all for the sake of your feelings.

He may be speaking to others, for the sake of his own feelings incase it turns out you're never ready.
He cares enough to not speak to you about this (no mention of his nights out to you), he cares enough to always start the texting, he cares enough to ignore everybody else he talks to while he is with you. Spending the night at his and only cuddling and falling asleep says a lot too.

I think a talk could possibly ease a lot of your worries.
 
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