I had 2 assessments for a form of therapy and both therapists suggested complex PTSD instead of bpd, because of long term repeated trauma. Either way, I'm not sure if I'm too fussed with a diagnoses or making it official.
My relationship just sucks. I dont trust him at all or believe anything he says. I've just started psychoanalytic attachment based therapy. I've had a really triggering weekend, and atm I just feel sick to my stomach and have a sinking feeling. I constantly feel on edge with him for the most part and almost abit fearful of him (because I think hes lying to me). Even though it's taking over my mind and makes me feel miserable, I appear to be just as unhappy without him.
Has he given you reasons to feel the way you do?Does he lie,cheat or treat you badly? I sure understand not knowing how much is just me and my PTSD or if it really is someone else and I have legitimate reasons to feel like I do
He doesnt treat me terribly but I've been treated better by others before. I dont particularly like the way he handles my insecurities, and hes gets very angry when I accuse him of things. I asked to look at something on his phone yesterday, due to an issue over the weekend. He said no, which made me feel like he had something to hide. I dont look in his phone or ask to look in his phone ever. I havent caught him out in lies that would affect me and yes there has been cheating many many years ago, but we split up after that and got back together.
Sometimes I feel like I know something isnt right and it's just him gas lighting me or that hes evil or sometimes I think I'm completely wrong. But more often lately it's all got worse and I'm spending more time thinking hes an awful person.
Ah,sounds like maybe you do have reasons to feel like you do.I'm sure his cheating in the past will always make you wonder and feel insecure.And him not wanting you to look at his phone is a red flag isnt it?
Are you im therapy or anything?I suggest working on yourself and focusing on yourself right now.You don't have to make any decisions about your relationship right this minute.Working on yourself will help you be able to make a decision about it when you're ready to
Yes, I really do agree. I've just started attachment based therapy for relationship trauma with a psychoanalytic therapist. I'm 3 sessions in and have my 4th tomorrow. I'll be there for a very long time but I may look at having more then one session a week as i still find myself in states in between.
I know I dont need to make any decision about the relationship, I just dont know how to cope with it emotionally untill I know how to emotionally deal with it. It's just very painful. I'm glad I have therapy tomorrow. I really am.
Have you talked to your therapist about needing help to cope emotionally with the relationship?
Have you tried journaling all your feelings as you're having them?I have an app on my phone and whenever I feel overwhelmed emotionally I write out my feelings.Nobody knows wherher I'm texting someone or on Facebook or whatever,so it works out prety well.Or I will go for a walk or clean out a drawer or closet, anything that will distract me.
I have but I suppose I havent told her how much I really cant cope with it. But since it's been so prevalent the last few days I will mention to her that I just feel I cant really cope with it at all.
Yes I know what you mean about distraction, I'm going to have a pamper session this evening and an early night. I will definitely bring this up tomorrow in my session.
I could try an app too.
our stories sound very similar - I was suspected to be bpd until I got assessed and got 'labelled' with cptsd.
The way you describe your relationship sounds identical to my eight-year long relationship which ended. I felt strong love and hate towards him simultaneously. There was emotional abuse, physical abuse followed later.
How long have you been in this relationship? And are there reasons why you're still in it?
Suggest to her that you both go into therapy together to try and sort the problem out.
If she doesn't want to go then leave. It's better to be alone and unhappy than together and triggered.
I tried to get someone to reduce the rent they were charging and go into counselling with me. They only agreed whilst I was staying with them.
Once I left they refused to stay in therapy "because all we do is talk about the past.....you've moved out so you don't want to improve things". I was left with next to nothing to live on for 15 months and she refuses to accept her behaviour is unreasonable even a few years later. I'm cptsd as well except I was told bpd then challenged it resulting in cptsd instead.