- Jun 8, 2021
Recently after months of trying to recover from my own shitty behavior and cheating (i feel terrible about it and i regret it more than anything), my partner decided to leave me. I don’t blame her. I understand. It’s just really hard on me. I regret what i did, i wouldn’t do it again, i did it out of fear that she was going to hurt me and i wanted someone there in case she did. It was selfish. I just don’t know how to cope with it. She said she wants to stay friends, we both have borderline personality disorder so we have that attachment to each other but i’m constantly obsessing over what she’s doing, if shes seeing new people, why she isn’t responding to my texts, everything. I didn’t want the relationship to end, i just self sabotaged and then tried to fix it in any way i could, but she said it made her trust in me diminish and that wasn’t something she could get over so her romantic feelings disappeared. Im heartbroken, upset with myself, i hate myself honestly, i just don’t know how to cope with the fact that i’ve very much lost the one person i’ve ever loved, who understood me more than anyone because of my own selfish actions. I don’t know how to stop thinking about it. I don’t know if i’ll be able to even move on. How do i cope? How do i stop obsessing?