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Bpd, control and sex

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Arielxo

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
28
Does anybody else believe they will do anything to have control?
I often may present myself as whatever the other person that I'm currently fixated on likes; anything from being dominant, to submissive. Compliant, up for anything. I find out whatever it is they like and I'll do anything I can to fulfil those fantasties. I know they enjoy this, as they have all their desires met but in this instance it's not compliance, it's not about pleasure it's completely about control.

In turn i manipulative them by telling myself if the sex is absolutely incredible then surely they won't leave?
Thus not being abondended. I crave control.
 
M

Madeleine95

Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
18
Hi,
I do this too, and I think it's a really hard thing to admit. I think I'm very manipulative, I threaten to leave a lot.
I also tell my partner he's great in bed and feel I need to have sex with him often for him to stay. You're not alone, stay positive x
 
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Arielxo

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
28
That's raised a question for me, I wonder if i enjoy sex at all, or I just enjoy the control. Hmmmm
 
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Rose19602

Guest
I think that sex and power/control are intrinsically linked for lots of people.....not necessarily to stop their partner leaving them, but for lots of other reasons.

Sexual control and/or power over someone who yields and can't resist is a pretty heady sensation and one that has been around since man began....

I shouldn't beat yourselves up about it too much....plenty of people do it for good reasons and bad!
 
V

volnash

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2014
Messages
566
Quite intriguing, for me i have to be dominant, i have to be behind usually and i need to atleast be on top if the woman wants to be on top it gets a bit dull for me, and i dont like the feeling of it.

As for your issue i think it's perfectly normal aswell, and maybe you crave control and want to fullfill that in bed, i know because i am a little like this.
 
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Arielxo

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
28
Yes but I dont, because I switch roles to whatever the other person likes rather than control in a sexual way it is completely due to manipulation. it's strange because I'll to succumb to the other persons needs to please them, which in turn is submissive (i love BDSM) but yet I think my true reasonings for it is down to manupilation which in turn is control, thus dominance. Ahhhh.
 
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Rose19602

Guest
I suppose that the most important thing is that you are not doing anything that you really do not want to do just to please your partner. If you're doing anything that makes you feel bad, unhappy or "wrong" then that's a concern....you can end up feeling full of self disgust and lacking self respect if you repeatedly behave in that way.

In my, limited, experience most people like to know what YOU want. Otherwise it gets a bit dull, because getting what you want all the time is OK at first, but a bit of an empty experience after a while.

Think about having a wife or husband who just says "yes dear" "whatever you like dear" .... great to start with, but after a while you feel like you're communicating with a brick wall.
 
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Arielxo

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
28
But I do get what i want, because I manipulate them, that in turns makes me feel good. When you say it gets a bit dull, i think that would mean I'd need to be with the same person long enough for them to get bored of me. I just leave before they leave.
 
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Rose19602

Guest
...I understand your rationale, but with a few tweaks in the communication department, perhaps you wouldn't have to leave? Is being yourself and stating what you want worth the risk perhaps?

In my experience, most people (men) like to know what you want and that they've pleased you too. Makes you BOTH feel good.
x
 
A

Arielxo

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
28
It's more of a risk factor I guess, I use sex as a way to cope but having attention, but I don't have sex with people I'd ever have a relationship with, just meanless people who are extremely good looking. I think that makes me feel better that I can have someone that is so good looking. If it was somebody I wanted to be with, that's way too complicated I don't get involved with that kind of emotion. It's all a rather complicated one for me. :/

I agree to the second statement, but I guess I don't really care... like I say if I was in a relationship then maybe I would but for the sack of just sleeping with someone it's really on their attention that I want...
 
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