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BPD and sex

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Shiroki

Guest
I relate with this so much! I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years until I was 23. When we broke up i went a little crazy sleeping around.. i had no desire to be in a relationship, I just wanted guys for sex. It made me feel in control of my own life and body. After a year or so of doing that I started to feel horrible about myself and completely stopped talking to guys.
I've been in a healthy relationship now for almost 2 years and I look back and cant believe I put myself in such dangerous situations also. Sex doesnt validate anything for me anymore. As horrible as I feel about sleeping around I'm glad I did it at the same time because it helped my confidence and I feel okay in a committed relationship now.
Sometimes we have to go through what we do, to get where we are today.
 
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lonelyclove

Guest
i could like write 10 pages on this lmao. the thing is i have never been with anyone (apart from unfortunate circumstances). but ever since i remember existing i am a sex machine . i have memories when i am 3 and 4 desperate for.some sexual activity. which feels really weird now ofc all my.childhood was like this though. pillows table corners showeheads sponges anything i could get my.hands on ☆pukes☆ then puberty was also crap but i was used to it a bit more. when i became an adult i was already fully rpressed and had accepted i would never be with anyone.
also i cant just be sexual with a person out of nowhere if i dont feel something strong about them. i cant have sex for fun.. and i really dont unserstand people who can or people who can separate sex and romance or have sex and move on from that person ddot make sense to me.
whenever i used to do smthing sexually i always had a strong motivation behind it (emotionaly) not just for physical pleasure.
nowdays i feel like sex is just discusting but i do feel.horny a lot ironicly but not nearly as much as i used to at all. i still daydream.about it as much as i can. even.tho i used to think about it like 90% of my waking time there were periods i would even be as much dissociated to it as to be eating or doing homework or anything and my mind was on it lol. currently too depressed to think that mucj about it but its about the only thing that makes me feel happy and emotionally grounded.
also.i cant understand the use of porn or anything.like that. if anything turns me on its not sexual stuff at all. i cant seperate sex from feeling at all
 
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lonelyclove

Guest
also forgot to say that i cant diferentiate betwen love sex and friendship either which causes most my friendships to end :( bcs the ppl i make friends with are so inflexible about the friend/love barrier and its something i really struggle.to understand because it hurts me so much when i cross that line and get like backfired with violent emotional abuse.. damn edit time is over xd
 
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JNP

New member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Ohio
I am definitely a sex addict. I really need dopamine to feel okay. I must have sex at least once a day. Sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. My wife is super understanding and accomodating most of the time. I feel lost and abandoned when it does not happen often enough.
 
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