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BPD and physically abusive reactions.

ToastToTaste

ToastToTaste

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Jan 13, 2021
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Oregon, USA
I know that BPD is not an excuse, but I need to know if anyone else has experienced this or even had thoughts of this. A while ago I hurt someone I really love (my favorite person and my now fiance) physically a few times. This was during a relatively short period of really really dramatic and emotional events between me and them where both of us were at our lowest mentally. I got hurt physically as well but it wasn't as bad. I won't go into detail for the sake of privacy, but I got threatened with losing them (not a breakup) and my brain just.. took over. I regret this and feel guilty for it every day, even though they have told me numerous times that they understand why it happened and that it wouldn't happen again. Should I even be risking hurting them again, even though I'm sure it wouldn't happen? I'm terrified to lose them.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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Dec 9, 2020
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u better research: codependency
 
ToastToTaste

ToastToTaste

New member
Joined
Jan 13, 2021
Messages
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Location
Oregon, USA
u better research: codependency
I know I am codependent on them but my issue is that I got physical with them. I have never done that before even with a favorite person and thinking about it with a clear mind I would never. I beat myself up every day.
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

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I have only ever been violent towards myself with my BPD. I think I have read others who have lashed out at another person. This is usually someone very close to them.

I would look at getting therapy. As you can't really be sure it won't happen again. I say this, because when you get overwhelmed and your emotions flip on you (which will happen again with BPD) there is no guarantee what your reaction will be.

I believe it is possible to overcome this with help. I no longer hurt myself, and manage my reactions reasonably well now. It does require putting a lot of effort into addressing the issue though :)

To add, it is ongoing as well. Unfortunately I have not found anything that fixes it, to the point that I no longer have to monitor myself.
 
R

realDonaldTrump

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2021
Messages
9
Location
Los Angeles, California
I know that BPD is not an excuse, but I need to know if anyone else has experienced this or even had thoughts of this. A while ago I hurt someone I really love (my favorite person and my now fiance) physically a few times. This was during a relatively short period of really really dramatic and emotional events between me and them where both of us were at our lowest mentally. I got hurt physically as well but it wasn't as bad. I won't go into detail for the sake of privacy, but I got threatened with losing them (not a breakup) and my brain just.. took over. I regret this and feel guilty for it every day, even though they have told me numerous times that they understand why it happened and that it wouldn't happen again. Should I even be risking hurting them again, even though I'm sure it wouldn't happen? I'm terrified to lose them.
I've done it. Stopped for awhile and I think now because there is so much going on and sometimes he just won't stop I can't help but attack. I feel awful about it after. BPD is not an excuse but it causes us to make impulsive decisions like this. Try DBT I am going to try it as well.
 
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