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BPD and memory loss?

Z

ZoeZoe

Active member
Joined
Aug 12, 2020
Messages
25
Location
UK
Hi, has anyone here found that they are forgetting memories?

For example, I had the most amazing times with my best friend 9 to 14 years ago. He has since moved away, and I haven't seen him for 8.5 years. I find I am unable to remember even just 25% of the amazing times we had together without really having to concentrate or be prompted by a photo of us. I can't remember (or am gradually forgetting) routines we had, his voice, his laugh, our repeated patterns of behaviour etc.
I feel like those memories I can see in the photos didn't actually happen because I can't remember enough details from the time the photo was taken. My mind is almost telling me those happy times didn't happen. That I never spent time with him. That that time in my life was just imagined.
I couldn't have been disassociating because I wasn't ill with BPD back then. I was actually incredibly happy and the most stable I've ever felt in my life. The BPD didn't happen until he went away. That is what triggered the BPD.

I am so upset and scared of forgetting everything about him and us.

I find that it is now happening with my dogs too. They are my favourite "people". I literally live for them. But I feel like the years are flying and I can't remember them as puppies, and that I am forgetting their little behaviours from when they were younger etc.

My memory for general things is terrible at the best of times, but to lose these precious memories from my happiest times with the best person and the best dogs is torturing me.

Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing? Or have I completely lost the plot?
 
duckieduck

duckieduck

Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2022
Messages
24
Location
South East
Hi ZoeZoe,

Firstly I'd like to say thank you for taking the time to post this.

I also have BPD, and also find I am really struggling with my memory. It's usually a mix between my short term and long term memory, but sometimes I almost retrospectively black out.

What I would say to do, if you are not already is to write down everything. I have been keeping a diary now for 14 years and it is so helpful for me. I wrote down so many things, not just the big obvious events which I'd always remember but descriptions of my (at the time) baby sister or how the weather was on a particular day, what me and my friends' favourite inside joke is at the moment etc. It's so important to keep a record of this stuff in case.

I am very sorry about your friend, and I hope one day, you two may get to meet again.

Blessings,

DuckieDuck
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,156
Location
Australia
Hi, has anyone here found that they are forgetting memories?

For example, I had the most amazing times with my best friend 9 to 14 years ago. He has since moved away, and I haven't seen him for 8.5 years. I find I am unable to remember even just 25% of the amazing times we had together without really having to concentrate or be prompted by a photo of us. I can't remember (or am gradually forgetting) routines we had, his voice, his laugh, our repeated patterns of behaviour etc.
I feel like those memories I can see in the photos didn't actually happen because I can't remember enough details from the time the photo was taken. My mind is almost telling me those happy times didn't happen. That I never spent time with him. That that time in my life was just imagined.
I couldn't have been disassociating because I wasn't ill with BPD back then. I was actually incredibly happy and the most stable I've ever felt in my life. The BPD didn't happen until he went away. That is what triggered the BPD.

I am so upset and scared of forgetting everything about him and us.

I find that it is now happening with my dogs too. They are my favourite "people". I literally live for them. But I feel like the years are flying and I can't remember them as puppies, and that I am forgetting their little behaviours from when they were younger etc.

My memory for general things is terrible at the best of times, but to lose these precious memories from my happiest times with the best person and the best dogs is torturing me.

Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing? Or have I completely lost the plot?
My short term / working memory is abysmal, though it used to be excellent until about 5 years ago when my anxiety got much worse, my trauma got worse, my depression got worse as a result, and I started taking benzos on a daily basis.
 
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