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BPD and loneliness

The so called

The so called

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Stockholm swe
I don’t know how to start.
My girlfriend for seven years just broke up with me and feelings of abandonment are kinda rough for me. The thing is that I don’t have many friends. One of them has just had a baby and is busy so I only see him maybe once every couple of months. The other has Down’s syndrome so conversation with him is kinda limited.
I used to have friends, but we stopped seeing each other when they got kids. After that they were no longer fun to be around. There is also a lot of shame for things I’ve done to them. I stopped using Facebook and changed my phone number some years back. It has always been hard for me to make friends. I have a hard time trusting people. If I manage to find new friends what do I tell them happened to my old ones?
I hope maybe someone here understands what I’m talking about. Please help me.
 
Z

Zoe1

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
21,562
Location
Nowhere
hi and :welcome:

conversation doesn't have to be limited with a downs syndrome person
they are just different

:grouphug:
 
The so called

The so called

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Stockholm swe
I’ve been toying with the idea of going out into the nightlife. Maybe see if there are any friendly women out here. But I fear most of them are only looking for flesh. That would crush me, it has in the past.
 
D

Dwight7

Well-known member
Joined
May 9, 2021
Messages
107
Location
TX
My last gf and I dated for about 3 years. We were planning for marriage. I already got her dad’s blessing. One Saturday morning she abruptly broke up with me, saying she wasn’t at peace with us getting married. A year later she married someone else and has two kids now.

I’ve never been the same after that. I never had close friends to begin with, but I pushed all my existing friends away. They have their own families now. Several years go by and all I have are casual workplace acquaintances.

A couple years ago I stepped out and made some new friends. They were good people. I unfortunately developed feelings for one of them, she rejected me but wanted to stay friends. Problem is, it brought everything back and I pushed them away also. This all happened recently. So the cycle continues for me.

Point is: don’t be like me. I feel too far gone in many ways. Get help to work through your grief and improve yourself. Establish your sense of identity. Get busy...do a hobby you enjoy, consistently exercise and eat right. Don’t let this season of your life define you (like I have).

I’m not a success story. But I can empathize with you. All the best.
 
The so called

The so called

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Stockholm swe
I’m 38 and feel I’m already too far gone, but I hope I’m wrong. I’ve done a lot of therapy and it has been helpful, especially the group sessions. The one-on-one meetings were much harder, filled with awkward silence. There is so much that I feel I have to hide.
 
P

Pennybrite

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Joined
Oct 30, 2021
Messages
76
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Space
I’m 38 and feel I’m already too far gone, but I hope I’m wrong. I’ve done a lot of therapy and it has been helpful, especially the group sessions. The one-on-one meetings were much harder, filled with awkward silence. There is so much that I feel I have to hide.
What do you have to hide?
 
The so called

The so called

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Stockholm swe
What do you have to hide?
Hurtful things I’ve said to people. The abuse I endured in my childhood. What happened with my first girlfriend. Shameful stuff like that. I can feel my stomach going into a knot just thinking about it.
 
The so called

The so called

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
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Location
Stockholm swe
But it’s not all doom and gloom. I adopted a cat recently. E broke up with me the same day I picked Boris up from the shelter.
He was very shy at first, but now he is much more social. We talk but I wouldn’t call it a conversation. It’s nice to have someone who is always happy to see you.
 
I

IndigoCorkscrew

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Joined
Sep 2, 2021
Messages
343
Location
Uk
I see Boris as life insurance at this point.
Cats make great companions. They don't have to stay with you, assuming you have a cat flap, but choose to. We have three. All different but all special and non judgemental during those dark times.
 
M

Mianairam

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2021
Messages
5
Location
United Kingdom
You will tell them exactly what you told us and if they are good friends they will understand you.
I
 
The so called

The so called

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Stockholm swe
I don’t know if I should talk to my boss about my emotional shortcomings. I’ve been sick a lot in the last months. I was hit by a car on my motorbike and didn’t see the doctor right away, so my back has been giving me grief. Then there is the breakup and just the emotional stress of being around people. I feel like I owe them an explanation. And it’s stressful to lie about how I feel.
Have you told your boss about your diagnosis? What was the reaction like? Thoughts?
 
D

dewey

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Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,849
I don’t know if I should talk to my boss about my emotional shortcomings. I’ve been sick a lot in the last months. I was hit by a car on my motorbike and didn’t see the doctor right away, so my back has been giving me grief. Then there is the breakup and just the emotional stress of being around people. I feel like I owe them an explanation. And it’s stressful to lie about how I feel.
Have you told your boss about your diagnosis? What was the reaction like? Thoughts?
In theory you should be able to tell them about it, because it's their responsibility to support you in health problems and hey what's more youre only human , right?

but guess what, I have found the stigma is real. Even for talking about things like depression people still don't get it. In the workplace they will look for signs of weakness and use it against you. That's why I say no. I have had my backstabbed a good few times with that shit.

But it's your call
 
The so called

The so called

Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Stockholm swe
I’m scared to lose my job if I don’t tell them. They can’t fire me for being sick, but they can fire me for lying about it.
That said I was let go from my last job in my doctor’s office. They agreed I couldn’t work there anymore. My union rep was there, didn’t say a word. I’ve never felt so betrayed in my adult life.
 
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