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Boyfriend's clingyness/insecurity is driving me insane!

MoonPrincess

MoonPrincess

Active member
Joined
Apr 23, 2014
Messages
39
Location
Dunfermline, Scotland
Note: Before I begin I want to say I've been with my boyfriend almost 4 months and that I do care for him loads. :)

When I first started dating my boyfriend everything was going great until recently. Let's just say he's got so damn clingy that it's beginning to creep me out. He feels he has to see me almost every other day and when I'm in his company he's always holding me, playing with my hair (which was sweet at first, but now it's constant) and when we're alone he won't get off me/stop holding me, and if I even try to move he'll say "come on, stay" and pull me down. The thing is I've addressed him being like this to me, but he refuses to listen.

Yesterday hit an all time low when I told him I wanted a bit of space. His reaction was so extreme to the point it was scary! He got drunk, then started sobbing and telling me how shit his life was, how much he loves me (more than he loves himself), and how much I make his life complete and that, without me, he's nothing/his life is nothing. I literally heard a huge sob story and tried telling him to go to bed a million times cos he's drunk (eventually he did, but it took him ages). He then started liking all my pictures on facebook, and messaged me so much telling me over and over again how much he loves me (which i know) and it's sweet but argh! This is too much!

This morning he spoke to me and finally accepted my need for space and said that he's happy to see me once a week. He then asked me if I loved him, and I said that I do (yes I really do!) The fact that I need to assure him that I love him tells me how insecure he is.

Now that I've got some space I really don't know what to do. Him being like that has put me off our relationship so much that I'm not sure if I want to continue it (he's really freaked me out). Any advice would be really appreciated right now because I'm lost!
 
J

JasonCA

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2014
Messages
2
Wow, I would say embrace it! Let him love and enjoy you. Things will balance out in time. You should be fortunate. He's into you. Perhaps he needs you to fulfill something inside of him. Is it really so hard for you to provide re-assurance by saying you love him if you do? Perhaps you are blind and to caught up in things. Perhaps he needs someone else that appreciates the kind of guy he is? There's so many other girls that would wish could be in your position. But hey...it's your life....do whatever you want.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,752
Location
Europe
It's probably a phase. I wouldn't do anything hasty, now that you've got your space you can relax in it and see how you feel in a week or two. But I'd imagine his clinging behaviour will pass, once he gets more used to you being there. He obviously is really into you, that's a good thing.
 
MoonPrincess

MoonPrincess

Active member
Joined
Apr 23, 2014
Messages
39
Location
Dunfermline, Scotland
It's probably a phase. I wouldn't do anything hasty, now that you've got your space you can relax in it and see how you feel in a week or two. But I'd imagine his clinging behaviour will pass, once he gets more used to you being there. He obviously is really into you, that's a good thing.

Yeah I'm thinking this is a phase also. It's just come as a shock really because I've never had a guy be so into me before so I really don't know how to react to it. Thanks for your input. :)
 
I

Istabraq

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2014
Messages
212
Location
Home Counties
Try garlic.

LOL !



Moon Princess

It might help to know how old you both are.
I remember when I was growing up going out with different girls and there was always a different level of intimacy with everyone, some were too clingy and some were too cold/distanced you could barely say you were in a relationship.
It may be that your boyfriend is either younger than you or doesn't have a reasonable level of experience - and please don't think I'm being offensive when I say that !!!

You may know exactly where the boundaries are, you might be very clear in your mind what you want from a boyfriend and how often you expect to see him and what you expect to do, but you must understand that he may not have the same expectations be that due to inexperience or whatever reason.

Does he have attention issues ?
Could be that he took your 'space' request poorly, got drunk for attention, wouldn't reason with you, did all that facebook stuff (that I won't even pretend to understand - I don't do social sites) just to be noticed.
Yes it can be sweet and romactic, but it can also be too full on for some people and sounds like you have varying levels of intimacy requirements.

Good luck !
 

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