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Boyfriend really unsupportive.

katya

katya

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My boyfriend is being unsupportive following a situation which I've posted about a few times on here. I basically had to leave a situation in which our housemates had been abusive towards each other and were beginning to direct that abuse towards me. I'm currently in my NQT year, which is stressful enough, so I've decided - for the good of my career, and, in turn, the good of mine and my boyfriend's futures together - to leave the fucking place and stay with a colleague for a while.

My boyfriend is pissed off because he doesn't have anywhere else to go and he feels as though I've left him in the shit, which I can sort of understand, but my patience now is wearing thin. He decided he doesn't want to speak to me for a week, but I basically said I need more than that and a bit of reassurance that we're (our relationship) isn't in trouble as a result of this. He went to his brother's over the weekend.

Just text him saying I need to speak to him, and his tone when he phoned me (which I'm honestly surprised he did) was so exasperated. I said I needed to know what's going on with us because I don't know how he's feeling or whatever. I asked, "Are we okay?" and his response was, "I guess." His tone was so shitty. It's like, hold on. I'm the one that was receiving torrents of abuse from two grown men. Why is this my fault? Why is he pissed off with me for putting myself first?

I'm seriously starting to re-think my priorities here.
 
A

ashesunbroken

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I am glad you are starting to rethink this. Have you talked to him about how abusive they were? How it is honestly selfish for him to only be thinking about the trouble it is causing him when you were dealing with such abuse? He should be understanding of how harmed you have been and be there to help you are care about you.
 
katya

katya

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He comes from a fucked up family situation and I think it's easy for him to normalise crappy households. I've spoken to him and have said that I refuse to live unhappily unnecessarily and that he shouldn't want me to either. I've said that, worst case scenario, if it were the case that (if the roles were reversed) he didn't have a permanent job and he didn't manage to find one straight away then I would pay his rent, if it meant being out of a terrible situation that made him very unhappy and contributed to feeling shit all the time which is obviously going to affect him in work - in a very important year of his career (meaning my NQT).

He's got abandonment issues and I've fucked off and left him and he also has issues with financial security, and he didn't want to move out with me unless I definitely had a permanent job - despite the fact it's very difficult to do well when you're in a crappy home situation.
 
bulbie

bulbie

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My ex came from a crappy background. Didn't give him the excuse to treat me so badly it's damaged me for life though.

It's not my intention to sound harsh, but it sounds like you've already decided to forgive and accept his behaviour, so there will be little any of us can do to help you. Good luck in your situation though.
 
katya

katya

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Bearing in mind that I'm being paid up until August, and could easily find supply work in September (worst case).
 
katya

katya

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My ex came from a crappy background. Didn't give him the excuse to treat me so badly it's damaged me for life though.

It's not my intention to sound harsh, but it sounds like you've already decided to forgive and accept his behaviour, so there will be little any of us can do to help you. Good luck in your situation though.
Thanks. I do want him to come round; that is true. And if he does, I will forgive him. I love him very much. But I have got to a point I never thought I would by moving out - I'm finally putting myself first... and, even though it'd be hard, it wouldn't be too far a stretch now to leave him as well, if it were the case he didn't come round. I don't really know how I'll react at this point.

I'm glad the ex you're referring to is in fact your ex. :)
 
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bulbie

bulbie

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It doesn't matter where he came from; this is now, and he and he alone has the responsibility of choosing the correct path in life.

Making a stand for yourself is exactly the right thing to do. Whatever you choose, don't let a guy ruin the career you're working so hard for.
 
katya

katya

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I think he will come round; he's taking all of this very personally at the moment. If he doesn't, I'm going to have to put myself first in that respect. I do deserve more than that.

I'm going round to the shared house tonight to collect some more of my stuff; he's said he doesn't want to speak to me. I find it very appalling that I don't even get a fucking hug after all of this.
 
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