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boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be single..for 2nd time.. help

L

lonely21

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2013
Messages
13
boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be single..for 2nd time.. help

Im a 43 year female and been seeing a 36 year old male ( he suffers with S.A.D. and struggles with his emotions ..been going out for a year everything’s has been great with the relationship, but we are an hour away from each other, we have been seeing each other mainly every 2 weeks but sometimes it was ¾ weeks due to life getting in the way iv always tried to understand. He doesn’t work right now but has been trying to get work.
Yesterday, 1 day before our year anniversary he decides to say he wants to be single, but cant give me an explanation at all, he cares about me, wud kill for me, wants to be with me. Doesn’t want to lose me or couldn’t bare to see me with anyone else..but he doesn’t think its an idea we should be together due to he’s not in a position to be going out with anyone.
its too much pressure ( but doesn’t explain what pressure). Cause he has a billion things etc.. doesn’t think its equal in feeling etc..he says there’s no one else and he hasn’t gone off me, but doesn’t think its fare but he contradicts himself constantly with no real reason that he want to be single, he doesn’t think things will get better and even if he worked it wud be worse due to more hours.. he repeats saying he has nothing to give feelings wise but i ask is it cause he has no feeling for me, he says no he has strong feeling for me.i said he just wants to scrumple me up and throw me away by dumping me, he said im not doing that. I said but that’s what ur doing.
he said im just saying i don’t see a future in it, well for the majority of 2014 anyway while he sorts out things.. he repeats over and over iv got nothing to give, iv got nothing left to give, he says he cares about me and im cool we get on etc but he says im just in no situation to be with anyone..its not that i want to throw it away, iv just got nothing left to give, what u want i can’t give u that???Feelings and stuff..when i ask what feelings he has for me he struggles saying i care about u, of course i have got feelings for u, good ones, the good kind, i like you but struggles with saying any more, yet he says he wud hate it if i was with someone else and wud kill for me. He says he not pushing me out of his life, but he is. And doesn’t want to be in any relationship at all.. and says over and over im not going anywhere.
I’m so confused and put a year into this relationship and my heart and soul is with him even with his faults, but so confused in on hand he doesn’t seem to want to lose me but he’s dumping me.??
Please help me ...i don’t know what to do..
p.s. he also dumped me in oct similar reasons but blamed it on S.A.D. and wen we spoke 4 days latter seamed to understand me and we were ok again, but i don’t think it helps he was drinking a lot at the time also and this time was the same he had drunk a lot of alcohol.
I dont believe hes an alcoholic but wen he does drink it doesn't help.. doesent blame it on sad him self iv just seen patterns so i believe wen he gets stressed worried hes gonna loose his flat or have money for food etc..he drinks it doesn't help and he pushes me away thinking hes not good enough and im having to put up with a lot which isnt fare.. i love him so much, and now my depression is reaLLY BAD feel i have nothing left. HELP PLZ
thanks
 
N

Nicola398

Guest
Lonely, this is the fourth or fifth post you have made about your boyfriend not wanting to be with you anymore.I feel this matter is really bringing you down.You are obviously hurting really bad. I don't see why you are so confused. it does sound like your boyfriend doesn't want to be in a relationship and he is saying he still has feelings for you to let you down gently as he obviously doesn't want to hurt you.
I think you have to accept it is over. I don't know if you have ever been ill yourself but it takes it toll on you and leaves you with little energy, when your boyfriend says he hasn't got anything to give what he is saying is he is drained and tired and can't be in a relationship. He need time and space whether he feels for you or not he can't be with you.I don't see why that confuses you as many people love each other but can't be together for all sorts of reasons.What you are saying I think by posting this problem over and over again is tell me what to do to make him change his mind. I think you can help us by telling us what it is you want us to say to you in response to your posts. You want us to say he loves you but doesn't know what he is doing or saying because of his illness and that deep down he still wants to be with you.We could say that but that isn't true, he is saying he has feelings not to hurt you, he still wants to end the relationship.You are torturing yourself. Accept his decision for now and stop demanding things be as you want them to be.
 
S

Splodge

Well-known member
Joined
May 27, 2013
Messages
551
I might be able to offer some insight, I seem to have been in a similar struggle. Basically I need my space more than a relationship, I like the relationship side of things but it has to be at arms length and I don't think that's fair. Also, I have concerns about attachments and my ability to grow within any type of seeing a lot of each other type relationship.
 
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