boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be single..for 2nd time.. help

L

lonely21

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2013
Messages
13
#1
boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be single..for 2nd time.. help

Im a 43 year female and been seeing a 36 year old male ( he suffers with S.A.D. and struggles with his emotions ..been going out for a year everything’s has been great with the relationship, but we are an hour away from each other, we have been seeing each other mainly every 2 weeks but sometimes it was ¾ weeks due to life getting in the way iv always tried to understand. He doesn’t work right now but has been trying to get work.
Yesterday, 1 day before our year anniversary he decides to say he wants to be single, but cant give me an explanation at all, he cares about me, wud kill for me, wants to be with me. Doesn’t want to lose me or couldn’t bare to see me with anyone else..but he doesn’t think its an idea we should be together due to he’s not in a position to be going out with anyone.
its too much pressure ( but doesn’t explain what pressure). Cause he has a billion things etc.. doesn’t think its equal in feeling etc..he says there’s no one else and he hasn’t gone off me, but doesn’t think its fare but he contradicts himself constantly with no real reason that he want to be single, he doesn’t think things will get better and even if he worked it wud be worse due to more hours.. he repeats saying he has nothing to give feelings wise but i ask is it cause he has no feeling for me, he says no he has strong feeling for me.i said he just wants to scrumple me up and throw me away by dumping me, he said im not doing that. I said but that’s what ur doing.
he said im just saying i don’t see a future in it, well for the majority of 2014 anyway while he sorts out things.. he repeats over and over iv got nothing to give, iv got nothing left to give, he says he cares about me and im cool we get on etc but he says im just in no situation to be with anyone..its not that i want to throw it away, iv just got nothing left to give, what u want i can’t give u that???Feelings and stuff..when i ask what feelings he has for me he struggles saying i care about u, of course i have got feelings for u, good ones, the good kind, i like you but struggles with saying any more, yet he says he wud hate it if i was with someone else and wud kill for me. He says he not pushing me out of his life, but he is. And doesn’t want to be in any relationship at all.. and says over and over im not going anywhere.
I’m so confused and put a year into this relationship and my heart and soul is with him even with his faults, but so confused in on hand he doesn’t seem to want to lose me but he’s dumping me.??
Please help me ...i don’t know what to do..
p.s. he also dumped me in oct similar reasons but blamed it on S.A.D. and wen we spoke 4 days latter seamed to understand me and we were ok again, but i don’t think it helps he was drinking a lot at the time also and this time was the same he had drunk a lot of alcohol.
I dont believe hes an alcoholic but wen he does drink it doesn't help.. doesent blame it on sad him self iv just seen patterns so i believe wen he gets stressed worried hes gonna loose his flat or have money for food etc..he drinks it doesn't help and he pushes me away thinking hes not good enough and im having to put up with a lot which isnt fare.. i love him so much, and now my depression is reaLLY BAD feel i have nothing left. All i ever wanted was someone special and loving in my life and aq chance of a child and everything is disappearing. HELP PLZ
thanks
 
mrlaurel

mrlaurel

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2011
Messages
6,381
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#2
hey if you can cope with this, give him space and time to let him find his emotions, I know I am very up and down the way I feel and think.

depression is a blight on anyone's life, yours included in this situation.

let him explore his feeling of being single and go from there, if you can't handle this then maybe you do have to split, I know it will be painful but sometimes thats the reality in life.

depression doesn't = a good relationship.

sorry can't be anymore help, do hope you are coping OK and look after yourself firstly then be there for him.