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Boyfriend making me feel crazy? Help!

C

Cookiesprinkle26

Member
Joined
May 15, 2017
Messages
6
I already made a legnthy post about my boyfriends criticism and potential gas lighting. The latest turn of events is an accusation that makes me feel as if I'm banging my head against a wall. My boyfriend and I have been on separate family holidays, before we both left I felt there was tension between us. So whilst away I decided to do my own thing and let him do his and create some needed space between us. He has been steadily complaining about my reduced contact (I have actually been busy I've just not been going out of my way to connect to wifi etc) I have continued to be busy. I've felt better to be honest. He has then accused me of talking to someone else or spending time with another man. Which 100% is not true. I have reassured him and then told him I felt we needed space so I've been letting him enjoy his holiday. He did not accept this and has been accusing me of speaking to other guys online. I wanted to air it out with him but he has called me a liar and said I'm not honest or trustworthy. These accusations stem from a few weeks prior. A creepy guy who I am neighbours with messages me asking me out etc I have told him I have a boyfriend and do not want to talk to other men. I don't want to block him because we are neighbours and it will be a bit awkward. He's harmless really and everyone in the town regards him as a bit of a creep. My boyfriend demanded to see the messages from him. Now to get rid of the creep I said to him "my boyfriends a bit jealous so maybe don't talk to me at all its not fair on him" I said this so he would get the message and he hasn't talked since. I didn't want my boyfriend to see this message so when he demanded to read the conversation I avoided letting him see because I didn't want a huge argument. In the end I relented and we had the argument anyway and he gave me a lecture on lying to him. I apologized. The next night a male friend text me and by instinct I jerked my hand to hide it. I had to get up for five in the morning for work and I didn't want any petty arguments as the last one took up 3 hours of the night. He demanded to know who it was. I said it was the male friend and even showed him the message. He then proceeded to argue for hours once more about my lying. I apologized and explained I didn't want to argue and that it was a knee jerk reaction. I haven't lied to him about any messages since and I'm not doing anything disloyal anyway, I've made it clear to any male friends or people who ask me out that I'm taken and they mostly back off. Now my boyfriend is accusing me of being a liar again and again and we had a big argument tonight. He said I'm the "most difficult person to have an adult conversation with" "I'm untrustworthy and it's my fault he cant believe me and I need to not lie for 2 weeks" I have apologized and said what can I do to make you trust me? I recognize its my fault but I can't take it back? I'm sorry I lied but it came from a place of not wanting to argue. He then proceeded to tell me in a very condescending tone the story of the boy who cried wolf. I asked him to stop but he wouldn't. I'm at a loss. I've made some silly mistakes but I truly haven't been going behind his back. In fact, when I try to reassure him he doesn't seem interested he only seems intent on telling me what I liar I am. I presume someone with a legitimate concern about cheating will say exactly what they think and feel and not give a sermon with an added fable to boot ... He quickly switched and said "when do you want me to come round" and has sent me a sweet text. I'm so confused and a bit disturbed.
 
SomeGuywithAspergers

SomeGuywithAspergers

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2017
Messages
72
Location
A Point in Space
That easily sounds like an unhealthy relationships. First off, you have to mention that you have your rights to privacy and he doesn't have the right to invade that privacy. Second off, if he isn't willing enough to believe you point out that why should you trust him back. Third of all, continuously calling someone a liar even if the person admits otherwise is not helping the situation and if he wants you to be truthful then maybe you should ask him why he treats you like this. If he doesn't listen to you than maybe (if you're strong enough) the relationship has to cease because it is causing serious emotional damage.
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,774
This person appears to be exhibiting coercive control behaviour.

It will not change. My advice is to get out of the relationship asap for your child's sake as well as your own.

Use the support services at your university to help protect you and your child from this behaviour or contact Womens Aid.
 
MidnightBlue

MidnightBlue

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 8, 2016
Messages
900
Location
Scotland <3
Wow this is a good thing. Your boyfriend is all in.. Given you all of his heart.
 
K

Kragtast

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2017
Messages
2
I don't think your boyfriends reactions are healthy, but you always have to flip and ask yourself how you'd feel if the tables turned.
My partner and I have agreed to not give our numbers out to the opposite sex, it's not worth having anxiety over a guy texting your girlfriend if she isn't getting texts from other guys, and vice versa. Phones are a phenomenal source of relationship paranoia
 
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