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Boyfriend is guilty

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WolfieBlack

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Jul 17, 2016
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Hi guys. So me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. Turns out he cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship. Long story short he told me and I was upset but now I'm over it however my boyfriend hasn't. He is riddled with guilt constantly, he acts as if he is treading on egg shells around me and feels that if he upsets me once I'll leave him, which isn't the case. I have reassured him as much as possible that we will be okay but he feels he will never get over the guilt. How to I help him with this?
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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Hi guys. So me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. Turns out he cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship. Long story short he told me and I was upset but now I'm over it however my boyfriend hasn't. He is riddled with guilt constantly, he acts as if he is treading on egg shells around me and feels that if he upsets me once I'll leave him, which isn't the case. I have reassured him as much as possible that we will be okay but he feels he will never get over the guilt. How to I help him with this?

:welcome: to the forums!

Not really one for giving relationship advice, but with this post, it's difficult to see time scales Wolfie.

You say in short 'turns out he cheated on me at the beginning of the 4 months'.

When and how did you find out, and how far into the 4 months did he cheat?

With that info, it'd be easier to give advice I think :)
 
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WolfieBlack

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:welcome: to the forums!

Not really one for giving relationship advice, but with this post, it's difficult to see time scales Wolfie.

You say in short 'turns out he cheated on me at the beginning of the 4 months'.

When and how did you find out, and how far into the 4 months did he cheat?

With that info, it'd be easier to give advice I think :)

He cheated on me when we were about 3 weeks into the relationship, it was with a guy who was in a position of authority over him so it isn't "normal" cheating if that makes sense. It will was as my boyfriend (we are at college) did agree to it at the time. I found out about two weeks ago as my boyfriend told me.
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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He cheated on me when we were about 3 weeks into the relationship, it was with a guy who was in a position of authority over him so it isn't "normal" cheating if that makes sense. It will was as my boyfriend (we are at college) did agree to it at the time. I found out about two weeks ago as my boyfriend told me.

Well not that I condone cheating, but perhaps after 3 weeks, your relationship was still in its infancy. If it was a boss or something, it might have happened before too. so even less biggy.

If he told you about it, then that's something! (unless of course he knew you were going to find out from someone else instead)

If it doesn't bother you, then say just that...'it was early days, you told me about it, it's done, over!'
 
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WolfieBlack

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Well not that I condone cheating, but perhaps after 3 weeks, your relationship was still in its infancy. If it was a boss or something, it might have happened before too. so even less biggy.

If he told you about it, then that's something! (unless of course he knew you were going to find out from someone else instead)

If it doesn't bother you, then say just that...'it was early days, you told me about it, it's done, over!'

I've told him that I'm not too bothered by it anymore. Obviously I was upset when I found out but now I'm fine. He is still riddled with guilt and he has stopped texting me much at all unless it's about what happened. Like I'm open to talking about it but I also want to have some good times too! I don't know how to help him just relax back into the relationship and be happy because this is feeling so intense and serious right now. Do you think this will change?
 

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