Boyfriend had enough of me

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ohheystarfire

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#1
When you’re boyfriend said that he had enough with your behavior and saying that you made yourself feeling entitled with having BPD... what should you do ?
 
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Edinscotbrit

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#2
We are all human at the end of the day, no one is infallible.
No-one is perfect and it is hard to deal with these sorts of problems. he can`t be expected to fix you, maybe be supportive.
It all depends on the person.
 
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EstherRose94

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#4
I would guess maybe he’s just feeling frustrated in the moment. Both take time to cool off and then talk about it again?
 
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ohheystarfire

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#5
I would guess maybe he’s just feeling frustrated in the moment. Both take time to cool off and then talk about it again?
I agree. He was really frustrated and right now I need to be very calculated to my own actions and words.. it’s hard when (idk if it’s the BPD) I almost always act to lessen my anxiety and insecurities.

There will be weeks and months before I can talk / communicate about this with him again, because he’s just too sensitive right now..

Can I (or being with bpd) really play the “independent not hypersensitive” role?

well what behaviour is he talking about?
Behaviors like being dependent and asking him couple of times how he’s feeling. I realize (in a very hard hard hard hard and quite traumatic way) that I asked that out of my own anxiety.

Behavior like being all high and mighty defending myself but pleading mercy and begging him to stay the minute he called it quit.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s really because I’m partially unhealthy or it’s just me being sucks.

We are all human at the end of the day, no one is infallible.
No-one is perfect and it is hard to deal with these sorts of problems. he can`t be expected to fix you, maybe be supportive.
It all depends on the person.
Cognitively accepting he might not be the right person has been done. But really letting him go for real (meaning, not crawling back to him in the next 12 to 24 hours and so forth) is still very hard and I personally have no motivation to do so..

Is there any way to help me become motivated to detach myself?
 
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Edinscotbrit

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#6
I agree. He was really frustrated and right now I need to be very calculated to my own actions and words.. it’s hard when (idk if it’s the BPD) I almost always act to lessen my anxiety and insecurities.

There will be weeks and months before I can talk / communicate about this with him again, because he’s just too sensitive right now..

Can I (or being with bpd) really play the “independent not hypersensitive” role?



Behaviors like being dependent and asking him couple of times how he’s feeling. I realize (in a very hard hard hard hard and quite traumatic way) that I asked that out of my own anxiety.

Behavior like being all high and mighty defending myself but pleading mercy and begging him to stay the minute he called it quit.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s really because I’m partially unhealthy or it’s just me being sucks.



Cognitively accepting he might not be the right person has been done. But really letting him go for real (meaning, not crawling back to him in the next 12 to 24 hours and so forth) is still very hard and I personally have no motivation to do so..

Is there any way to help me become motivated to detach myself?
I understand.

You need to go through the grief period. 12/24 hours isn`t enough.
Complete detachment, block his number, social media etc.

If you don`t have the motivation, the cycle will continue and you don`t need that.

After a week or so you`ll feel better, if you don`t have the motivation, you`ll have a lot of misery to deal with in the future.I`m sure you don`t want that.
 
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EstherRose94

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#7
Starfire I do the same things.

But remember that it’s not just you in the relationship. It’s not your responsibility alone to be calculated in your actions and words.

It’s really stressful to be so careful.

I read a book called “mindfulness for BPD”. It has like grass on the cover? Check it out it teaches you how to meditate and gain some control of your actions but with self-love at the center.
 
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EstherRose94

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#8
I just have a really hard time personally being like “yeah I tend to take things the wrong way and overreact so I guess idk it’s my fault”

You have to learn to find ways to calm yourself sure, but you have to be able to trust yourself too!

It’s impossible to be in a relationship where you just accept that if the other person is annoyed with what you feel or how you act then you must be wrong.

Your feelings are real and they matter. You just have to express them effectively.
 
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EstherRose94

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#9
I’m kinda struggling today because my bf was telling me how happy he is with his friends and I took it really personally but like he REALLY seems he’d be happier without me around sometimes.

I’m not angry it just seems really sad and I feel like I’ve let my parents and everyone down if this relationship fails 🙈🙈🙈
 
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Edinscotbrit

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#10
To all intents and purposes, it has. Sorry.

But it is time to face reality, it has run its course and that is that. You must accept that.

He seems happy, now it`s time for you to be happy too.

Ever heard the term, "flogging a dead horse"?
 
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Edinscotbrit

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#11
The relationship is nothing to do with your parents or anyone else, no-one else`s concern but yours.
 
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EstherRose94

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#12
Well beating a dead horse in the US but I like flogging better haha
 
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EstherRose94

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#14
You’re definitely right that I shouldn’t worry about disappointing anyone.

It’s just so convoluted like I’ll try to take a step back and he’ll get needy and wonder why I’m distant.

So yesterday I’m finally close again and he’s like oh I like it when you’re this way. Then like hey have you ever noticed how happy I am when my friends visit. And I’m just like

Ahhhhh I can’t 😬😐😐
 
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EstherRose94

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#15
Like the moment we get close he “opens up” and tells me something that bugs him about me or us. Then if I get upset he’s like “why can’t I express myself to you”

It’s confusing and I think have like four brain cells left lol.

To me, my reactions and feelings make sense. That’s why I was advising to not just like assume you’re the problem, Starfire. I think we deserve to at least respect our own opinions.
 
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ohheystarfire

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#16
I definitely agree with Edinscot, there’s no need to feel like a disappointment with yourself, Esther

(Ofc easier said than done and I believe Ive been doing so plenty of times myself hah!)

But it’s good that your bf actually acknowledges the changes in your responses. I guess you can learn and observe deeper about what responses he accepts while still being comfortable with yourself.

I would definitely try to remind myself that I’m not the problem here... even though sometimes it gets hard every time he’s so angry and frustrated he would really point out that I’m the problem (between me and him)

You guys probably would say it’s time to get a new partner who’s more willing to be with me through thick and thin but honestly he’s been through my thick and thin as well (well it gets worse so he’s burnt out I guess)
 
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ohheystarfire

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#17
help me please :(

I always thought whenever I (and my bf) had intercourse something bad would happen (because sex before marriage is unwise and I kinda promise to my parents that I wouldn't do it). Even tho I'm 21, but basically I broke my promise. so we did it, and last time, we really really really did it if you know what i mean. and this morning, we just fought big time.

he said because i kept pushing his button and couldn't understand him (disclaimer: the night before he broke my vase and while I was quite pissed he's the one who went home and sulking). that's why I got even more mad at him. but when I discussed it this morning, he blew up and really saying hurtful things like he can never unhate me, he thought i'm the worst girlfriend and most dramatic.

now he blocked me everywhere including instagram where he promised he would never ever block me there (because people could notice). Bottom line is, he went really full mode and doesn't matter he just had 'fun' and he said he would try not to hate me, he hates me already now.

please how to cope with this. i'm at work now, i can't concentrate. I know i should probably give him time and space, but this is very hurtful. I need help immediately :(
 
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Harp

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#18
When you’re boyfriend said that he had enough with your behavior and saying that you made yourself feeling entitled with having BPD... what should you do ?
I am going through something similar, except he just ghosted me after I asked him if he wanted to end things . Now my brain is just thinking of every reason and everything I did wrong that pushed him away. It’s hard, but I’m sure things will work out. I hope you are doing well:) I’m harp btw
 
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ohheystarfire

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#19
I am going through something similar, except he just ghosted me after I asked him if he wanted to end things . Now my brain is just thinking of every reason and everything I did wrong that pushed him away. It’s hard, but I’m sure things will work out. I hope you are doing well:) I’m harp btw
Hey Harp, it's nice to know you. And thank you so much for responding! How are you doing right now?

I'm trying to implant thoughts such as: "fine, I have self respect, I won't be pathetic and pleading him back like I've always done, so I will not beg him and e-mail him frantically. I will block him also from everywhere."

I don't know if this is a healthy way of coping

They say it may take 3 weeks to more than 1 month to rekindle things, should I even wait :(
 
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Harp

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#20
i feel like in your situation just take a step back because if you’re his priority he’ll come to you, and if not then you’ll know. But I think I should try the blocking thing in my situation then I’ll stop obsessing over if he texted me😞
 

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