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Boyfriend had enough of me

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ohheystarfire

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When you’re boyfriend said that he had enough with your behavior and saying that you made yourself feeling entitled with having BPD... what should you do ?
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

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We are all human at the end of the day, no one is infallible.
No-one is perfect and it is hard to deal with these sorts of problems. he can`t be expected to fix you, maybe be supportive.
It all depends on the person.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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well what behaviour is he talking about?
 
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EstherRose94

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I would guess maybe he’s just feeling frustrated in the moment. Both take time to cool off and then talk about it again?
 
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ohheystarfire

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I would guess maybe he’s just feeling frustrated in the moment. Both take time to cool off and then talk about it again?
I agree. He was really frustrated and right now I need to be very calculated to my own actions and words.. it’s hard when (idk if it’s the BPD) I almost always act to lessen my anxiety and insecurities.

There will be weeks and months before I can talk / communicate about this with him again, because he’s just too sensitive right now..

Can I (or being with bpd) really play the “independent not hypersensitive” role?

well what behaviour is he talking about?
Behaviors like being dependent and asking him couple of times how he’s feeling. I realize (in a very hard hard hard hard and quite traumatic way) that I asked that out of my own anxiety.

Behavior like being all high and mighty defending myself but pleading mercy and begging him to stay the minute he called it quit.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s really because I’m partially unhealthy or it’s just me being sucks.

We are all human at the end of the day, no one is infallible.
No-one is perfect and it is hard to deal with these sorts of problems. he can`t be expected to fix you, maybe be supportive.
It all depends on the person.
Cognitively accepting he might not be the right person has been done. But really letting him go for real (meaning, not crawling back to him in the next 12 to 24 hours and so forth) is still very hard and I personally have no motivation to do so..

Is there any way to help me become motivated to detach myself?
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

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I agree. He was really frustrated and right now I need to be very calculated to my own actions and words.. it’s hard when (idk if it’s the BPD) I almost always act to lessen my anxiety and insecurities.

There will be weeks and months before I can talk / communicate about this with him again, because he’s just too sensitive right now..

Can I (or being with bpd) really play the “independent not hypersensitive” role?



Behaviors like being dependent and asking him couple of times how he’s feeling. I realize (in a very hard hard hard hard and quite traumatic way) that I asked that out of my own anxiety.

Behavior like being all high and mighty defending myself but pleading mercy and begging him to stay the minute he called it quit.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s really because I’m partially unhealthy or it’s just me being sucks.



Cognitively accepting he might not be the right person has been done. But really letting him go for real (meaning, not crawling back to him in the next 12 to 24 hours and so forth) is still very hard and I personally have no motivation to do so..

Is there any way to help me become motivated to detach myself?
I understand.

You need to go through the grief period. 12/24 hours isn`t enough.
Complete detachment, block his number, social media etc.

If you don`t have the motivation, the cycle will continue and you don`t need that.

After a week or so you`ll feel better, if you don`t have the motivation, you`ll have a lot of misery to deal with in the future.I`m sure you don`t want that.
 
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EstherRose94

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Starfire I do the same things.

But remember that it’s not just you in the relationship. It’s not your responsibility alone to be calculated in your actions and words.

It’s really stressful to be so careful.

I read a book called “mindfulness for BPD”. It has like grass on the cover? Check it out it teaches you how to meditate and gain some control of your actions but with self-love at the center.
 
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EstherRose94

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I just have a really hard time personally being like “yeah I tend to take things the wrong way and overreact so I guess idk it’s my fault”

You have to learn to find ways to calm yourself sure, but you have to be able to trust yourself too!

It’s impossible to be in a relationship where you just accept that if the other person is annoyed with what you feel or how you act then you must be wrong.

Your feelings are real and they matter. You just have to express them effectively.
 
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EstherRose94

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I’m kinda struggling today because my bf was telling me how happy he is with his friends and I took it really personally but like he REALLY seems he’d be happier without me around sometimes.

I’m not angry it just seems really sad and I feel like I’ve let my parents and everyone down if this relationship fails 🙈🙈🙈
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

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To all intents and purposes, it has. Sorry.

But it is time to face reality, it has run its course and that is that. You must accept that.

He seems happy, now it`s time for you to be happy too.

Ever heard the term, "flogging a dead horse"?
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

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The relationship is nothing to do with your parents or anyone else, no-one else`s concern but yours.
 
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EstherRose94

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Well beating a dead horse in the US but I like flogging better haha
 
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EstherRose94

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You’re definitely right that I shouldn’t worry about disappointing anyone.

It’s just so convoluted like I’ll try to take a step back and he’ll get needy and wonder why I’m distant.

So yesterday I’m finally close again and he’s like oh I like it when you’re this way. Then like hey have you ever noticed how happy I am when my friends visit. And I’m just like

Ahhhhh I can’t 😬😐😐
 
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EstherRose94

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Like the moment we get close he “opens up” and tells me something that bugs him about me or us. Then if I get upset he’s like “why can’t I express myself to you”

It’s confusing and I think have like four brain cells left lol.

To me, my reactions and feelings make sense. That’s why I was advising to not just like assume you’re the problem, Starfire. I think we deserve to at least respect our own opinions.
 
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