• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

boyfriend going out for countless hours normal?

D

dke

Active member
Joined
Aug 20, 2020
Messages
31
Location
Germany
Is it normal that my bf goes out for 8-9 hours straight and sends me a short message after 4 hours or so.. and when I say that I don't think it's okay for a taken man to be out this long and frequently he says I'm the problem cause I'm not understanding enough. Can someone please tell me if I am crazy or not.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
1,779
Location
Canada
dont start by attacking him or he will shut down and block you out. then you will have to overcome that wall which will be even harder. this is the beginning of the end. this is how you should act towards people you dont want in your life. not with someone you want a relationship with. relationships are fragile and can break down anytime. the entropy of the whole universe is moving towards chaos not order. its love and intelligence that must maintain the order.

so when your partner does something you dont like its time to increase the love and intelligence not decrease it. own our own feelings and communicate them effectively. dont blame your feelings on him. and also dont accept any disregard or shame from him for feeling what you feel either.

you have the capacity to do this. you just need to start practicing.
 
S

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
4,109
Location
The couch
Is it normal that my bf goes out for 8-9 hours straight and sends me a short message after 4 hours or so.. and when I say that I don't think it's okay for a taken man to be out this long and frequently he says I'm the problem cause I'm not understanding enough. Can someone please tell me if I am crazy or not.
No, it's not normal and you're not crazy.

What is he doing when he's gone that long?
 
D

dke

Active member
Joined
Aug 20, 2020
Messages
31
Location
Germany
Thank you so much for your opinion @SunnyDaze . He is always out with his guy friends and this particular day there was a Christmas party with many of his friends that he hasn't seen in a while.. I still think 9 hours are ridiculous, but he says I'm the crazy one, not him.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,547
Location
North Carolina
Is it normal that my bf goes out for 8-9 hours straight and sends me a short message after 4 hours or so.. and when I say that I don't think it's okay for a taken man to be out this long and frequently he says I'm the problem cause I'm not understanding enough. Can someone please tell me if I am crazy or not.

Its hard to be understanding when you dont have any info. Just make him understand you are feeling neglected and kept in the dark and you need some more communication and maybe agree on a set time for him to have his man time.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,547
Location
North Carolina
Thank you so much for your opinion @SunnyDaze . He is always out with his guy friends and this particular day there was a Christmas party with many of his friends that he hasn't seen in a while.. I still think 9 hours are ridiculous, but he says I'm the crazy one, not him.

Thats sounds normal to me as a man for that kind of event.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
17,592
Location
Nowhere
I think everyones relationship is different in this respect
some people require days or weeks of cave time
especially if they are creative types
I suppose couples kind of barter over it in a friendly way
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,389
Location
London, ON
Is it normal that my bf goes out for 8-9 hours straight
Yes, actually, it's normal, AND healthy. Wanting to always know where your partner is, and resenting their absence, strikes me as unhealthy.
 
S

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
4,109
Location
The couch
Thank you so much for your opinion @SunnyDaze . He is always out with his guy friends and this particular day there was a Christmas party with many of his friends that he hasn't seen in a while.. I still think 9 hours are ridiculous, but he says I'm the crazy one, not him.
You're in a relationship, it's not ok.If it's agreed upon and discussed, that's one thing but knowing you're not ok with it and doing it anyway is disrespectful. If he's always out with his friends that's a problem.

Would he be ok if you did that?

Him working for that many hours is different ,but this isn't work you're talking about.
 
D

dke

Active member
Joined
Aug 20, 2020
Messages
31
Location
Germany
He knows I'm not okay with it to that extend. I know everyone has their own opinion about this topic, but we are talking about half of the day..

He says he would be okay with it, but I know he wouldn't.. and I don't go out like that anyway, so I can't tell you about past experiences.


But thanks a lot for your opinion, it feels good to know that I'm not losing my mind lol
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
17,592
Location
Nowhere
you don't have other friends
so you can spend time apart to refresh things ?

:grouphug: 🎄 🕯
 
D

dke

Active member
Joined
Aug 20, 2020
Messages
31
Location
Germany
No, I do, but I don't disappear for 8-9 hours. That's my issue. In my opinion, it is not appropriate to leave the house at 9 pm and come back at 5 am in the morning as a taken person.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,547
Location
North Carolina
No, I do, but I don't disappear for 8-9 hours. That's my issue. In my opinion, it is not appropriate to leave the house at 9 pm and come back at 5 am in the morning as a taken person.
He doesnt disappear, you know where he was. He deserves a social life taken or not. Now you should be the priority and you guys should be able to talk this out, but if you become to overbearing and try to restrict him, you're just going to push him right out the door permanently.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
C Is my depressed boyfriend going to leave me? Depression Forum 13
L I was already depressed, then my boyfriend died next to me while we were sleeping. Depression Forum 16
Beachgirl Depressed boyfriend...not sure what to do. Depression Forum 2
T Ex boyfriend ruined my life Depression Forum 3
L I'm pushing my boyfriend away with my depression Depression Forum 8
E Boyfriend struggling during lockdown Depression Forum 1
B Going to end it Depression Forum 11
C I can't quite understand what's going on in my head. Depression Forum 1
L does anyone feel they are going through the day like floating soul? Depression Forum 29
Ladyfair I'm going to bed early Depression Forum 2
S Ever felt sad but don't know why? What's going on :\ Depression Forum 8
W The only thing that keeps me going is writing my story Depression Forum 3
MeAndMyDepression Do you want to know when and how you're going to die? Depression Forum 19
M Hard to keep going *triggers* Depression Forum 12
Gigglypuff sad inside How do I keep going? Depression Forum 13
F Depressed Girlfriend is going through a hard time Depression Forum 8
R It ain’t going well and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Depression Forum 6
B I think I’m going to kill myself soon.... Depression Forum 15
Tawny I'm going to make myself some nice meals Depression Forum 9
S Going to try to get gabapentin Depression Forum 9
R Feeling bleak when everything is going well Depression Forum 4
B I’m going to end it soon, hopefully. Depression Forum 19
TylersOutlet24 My on-going journal of different Antidepressants and dosages I have been on & how they have affected me. Do they do anything? Depression Forum 3
D Help me understand what’s going on in my girlfriend’s head Depression Forum 2
DistantOcean Music that keeps you going Depression Forum 12
D we are going on a camping trip Depression Forum 1
I Terrified of going into work (feeling physically sick) Depression Forum 4
D my life is going in a downward spiral Depression Forum 3
L Feel like nothings ever going to change. Really struggling Depression Forum 3
L Going through hell today and I will be tomorrow... Depression Forum 1

Similar threads

Top