Boyfriend blames me for his schizophrenia

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elizaa

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Apr 14, 2019
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london
Me and my boyfriend of nearly five years have recently had an extremely toxic few months in our relationship, and according to him it is entirely my fault and I am the 'fucked up' one...
He hasn't been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I am almost certain he has it, because of the past year he has been making up things in his head about me. He has told me his friends have been saying nasty things about me (which I know they wouldn't), that I've been sleeping with them behind his back. Any time we are in a crowd he accuses me of touching the men around me. We'll have a phone call conversation, which I had thought was fine, and he'll tell me later that I had been saying fucked up things to him and messing with his head. He's utterly convinced I've been disloyal to him and have been emotionally abusing him this whole time. I can't be around him and any of my male friends or his male friends because he tells me I've been flirting with them the whole time, and that I have treated them like they're my boyfriend instead of him. He's even had paranoia about me and his dad, and has got up in the middle of the restaurant and left because his dad had been being 'weird' and 'inappropriate' with me (which of course he wasn't).
We've spoken about him needing to get help, as he has smoked a lot of weed and has family history of schizophrenia, so it doesn't seem at all unlikely that he has it.
Yet any time I bring it up he thinks I'm gaslighting him and trying to make him seem crazy.
It's been so hard because I've felt like I have to watch everything I say and do so as to not trigger him, especially because he hears double meanings in what everyone says.
I've stuck by him through so many horrible accusations and him screaming down the phone at me when I've done nothing wrong, and yet he believes every issue in our relationship is my fault and that I'm the 'fucked up' one.
It's hard because I keep second guessing myself and thinking maybe that I am all the things he says I am. But I KNOW I have never been disloyal to him, but he can't seem to accept that his head/mind has been deceiving him. It is easier to blame it all on me.
I know this can't go on, and I feel as though I am being punished and put under trial the whole time I am with him. He's allowed to treat me however he likes because he believes I've done all these manipulative things to him. All I have done is try to stick by him and help him through all this as I know it is not who he truly is.
I can't bring up him going to the doctors as he sees this as a sign of manipulation and me making him think he's crazy.
It's just so hard when someone who you love and are solely dedicated to completely demonises you the whole and thinks you are a horrible/toxic person.
I know he has told all his friends that I manipulate him and that I have been disloyal to him, I just wish other people could understand that it's not at all true, and that I've actually been so supportive of him for so long.
I don't want to give up on him, but I also know that I deserve to feel loved and appreciated in a relationship.
 
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Bosslash123

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Apr 14, 2019
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Reality Check....it's not going to work if he doesn't except you for who you are. I've received every diagnosis under the sun. I've been married for 19 years. It sounds good right? I've had to many episodes to count. I've even had an affair in the psychiatric ward. My advice to you..if he can't handle it, he will not be able to handle it in 20 years and 2 kids. My husband should have left me years ago but he didn't. If he seems to have the slightest hesitation now....he is not in it for the long haul. It takes a special and dedicated person to handle us regardless of our diagnosis.
 
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Bosslash123

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Let's have another reality check...If he blames you now...don't think it will change later. As woman we think he will change....but, in my opinion, he will not. In my opinion, he will get sick of our sickness. I believe that he will not forgive us for being sick. In my opinion, every day you are with him he will punish you. He will never forget the day. I don’t believe that he will ever believe your diagnosis. In my opinion, he will never believe you where not disloyal. I am blunt. But understand me...I am telling you from experience. Do you want to be told what to do and when to do it? Please understand, if that is the one for you great, but understand we are not easy to live with. But do you want to be punished for being you?
 
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linus

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Mar 27, 2019
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407
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Eastern Europe
Unfortunately for him all you describe is reality so he really needs psychiatric help. Talk to his parents and get him to the hospital even if you have to build a scenario to go there.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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May 29, 2019
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1,099
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London
Reality Check....it's not going to work if he doesn't except you for who you are. I've received every diagnosis under the sun. I've been married for 19 years. It sounds good right? I've had to many episodes to count. I've even had an affair in the psychiatric ward. My advice to you..if he can't handle it, he will not be able to handle it in 20 years and 2 kids. My husband should have left me years ago but he didn't. If he seems to have the slightest hesitation now....he is not in it for the long haul. It takes a special and dedicated person to handle us regardless of our diagnosis.
cheated on him in a psych ward ? dam that is fucked up
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,128
Hey :)

Sorry to hear what you've had to go through. It might be schizophrenia, paranoia - we can't be sure. What I, you, and anyone else can be sure of, is that you need to leave him. A relationship is based on trust and respect, and it doesn't seem like he's giving you either. I know that you might want to stay, that perhaps you can change him - but it's unlikely. In caring for him, don't forget to care for yourself. Every day you stay with him, you're sacrificing your happiness and mental wellbeing. Do what's right for you, and leave himx

Much love <3
 
Sammyjames97

Sammyjames97

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Nov 30, 2018
Messages
37
There's a chance he could be entering into a drug induced psychosis, the best thing he can do is quit all drugs and get help. Sadly he needs to want it or be a danger to others first before they will force treatment on him. If there's any chance you can sit him down and talk about his weed smoking and getting help I would. There's a chance you can save him from a lot of future pain if he gets help quick. I know what it's like to be psychotic and believe these things, it's all real in your head but not the actual truth. It's just hard trying to get people to believe it at times. Hope you get him help and stay together
 
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