Boyfriend being horrible

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Nls90

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#21
Good on you! I've been there myself, but one thing different, I didn't have children at the time. I had to learn the hard way after all my physical and emotional abuse from them, I learnt to love myself and believed I could find someone that loves me, and I did as soon as I learnt to have standards and expect people to treat me with respect
Its hard with children involved they are with him just now for tea if he trys and talks unless its to do with them i dont want to hear it..its very hard but i know it will be worth it! How did you manage?
 
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#22
Like you, I had both boyfriends try to get back with me, they even stalked me. I think it's very helpful to set healthy boundaries. If he tries to bring up anything else, other than the children, you could politely say, "I do not wish to discuss that". My boyfriend tried to give me the guilt trip. Don't dance with him! Keep yourself safe.
 
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#23
Like you, I had both boyfriends try to get back with me, they even stalked me. I think it's very helpful to set healthy boundaries. If he tries to bring up anything else, other than the children, you could politely say, "I do not wish to discuss that". My boyfriend tried to give me the guilt trip. Don't dance with him! Keep yourself safe.
Yes i will over the month its been i love you miss you ect then no contact! Always on his terms he was texting yesterday saying he was sorry for speaking to me like he did and he asked why i have went cold and hate him ect he has bought a house and is doing it up we was ment to be moving in when done but we are not now! Im going to put a plan in place for kids when his house is done ect some days im not as strong as i think i am 😭
 
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#24
I know, it's so difficult, because you loved or still love this person. But, you deserve respect, and I can understand the fact that he is the Father of your children, that fact makes it even more difficult! The one thing, if I can make a suggestion? try to only say positive things about him to the children. It's so important for children to feel secure, and if one criticises the other, it makes the children so confused......I don't mean to be telling you what to do, but I have witnessed this with people that I know, and it really mixes up the kids. I hope that you see it as a positive comment in general and not aimed at you......I know that you will get there, although it is normal to have good and bad days
 
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#25
I know, it's so difficult, because you loved or still love this person. But, you deserve respect, and I can understand the fact that he is the Father of your children, that fact makes it even more difficult! The one thing, if I can make a suggestion? try to only say positive things about him to the children. It's so important for children to feel secure, and if one criticises the other, it makes the children so confused......I don't mean to be telling you what to do, but I have witnessed this with people that I know, and it really mixes up the kids. I hope that you see it as a positive comment in general and not aimed at you......I know that you will get there, although it is normal to have good and bad days
Yes not going to lie i do still love him i thought a month ago it will be ok have a break and that will be that but now i see its just on his terms..no not at all i have tried to keep them out of it has much as i can and always tell them they can phone/ text and go see him when ever he wants he is around the corner! And at night give them extra kiss cuddle and say its from dad i grew up in a very toxic household and felt i always had to choose ect dont want that for them at all 😁
 
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#26
Hi he has been texting since he dropped kids home saying i have my wires crossed and making out he didnt say those things? I feel like he is trying 2 mess with my head 😭
 
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#27
Hi me again he had the kids for a few hours last night and he started texting saying i got my wires crossed and he was sorry and he would wait for me i text saying no thanks i just want to be civil for the kids ect i got a long text today with him being horrible again he told the kids he would walk them to school so they went down to meet him im really struggling and feel like im loosing my mind i know he did say those things to me and the text is just as bad im going to show my mental health lady on monday the messages and take it from there.
 
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#28
Hi im back again the name calling has got alot worse he is very angry with me just now every thing is my fault for putting him out ect i told him i did try to get him back and say sorry he was having none of it! He said i have ruined everything because i did.not wait when he needed space but he would never contact me and ingore my texts/calls for days always on his terms and after the way he spoke to me tuesday i decided enough was enough now the texts are getting so bad i really dont know what to do i feel he is pushing me to have a breakdown im so close 😭 any help please or advice? Thanks
 
tiltawhirl

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#29
Please refuse to have these conversations. As you said, if it isn't about the children then do not contact you. It is over and you are better off without him. He is trying to manipulate you. I think 24 hour notice of visitation is reasonable, so maybe don't even read the texts until the next day. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
 
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Nls90

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#30
Please refuse to have these conversations. As you said, if it isn't about the children then do not contact you. It is over and you are better off without him. He is trying to manipulate you. I think 24 hour notice of visitation is reasonable, so maybe don't even read the texts until the next day. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Hi i have said leave me alone a good few times now and put phone off its constant i have said unless its kids please stop its making it very hard for me to move on accept it and start again 😭
 
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#31
I was tempted to get a cheap phone send him number and say its for the kids? He has been quiet today fingers crossed i dont hear nothing
 
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#32
Hi me again he has just texr he is blaming my friend for making me break up will him i have asked her for advice in the last 5 weeks and she said just ingore him he doesnt love me ect or he be trying to make it work..im sat crying yet again wondering why it has became like this feel so sad and empty 😭
 
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#33
I'm now married, 21 years and have seven beautiful children
Wow thats ace 😁 well done you! Its been a hectic weekend with none stop texts from him and alot of abuse im back to my lowest just now feel so alone he is blaming my good friend that has supported me threw this she did say ingore him,he was having his cake and eating it so to speak my head is such a mess being strong for my babies has it is mothers day 😭
 
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#34
Happy mother's day. I would ignore the behavior from him, but if you are concerned for the safety of yourself or your children, you may need to speak to the authorities. Keep all the messages so that if you do decide to act, you have a record.
I really really feel for your situation. It is so difficult to be in that position, where I would feel kind of torn between a rock and a hard place. I'm sorry you are feeling really low and alone. I'm sending you a big hug!! If course I'm here if you need to talk
 
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Nls90

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#35
Happy mother's day. I would ignore the behavior from him, but if you are concerned for the safety of yourself or your children, you may need to speak to the authorities. Keep all the messages so that if you do decide to act, you have a record.
I really really feel for your situation. It is so difficult to be in that position, where I would feel kind of torn between a rock and a hard place. I'm sorry you are feeling really low and alone. I'm sending you a big hug!! If course I'm here if you need to talk
Thank you ❤ yes i will keep all the texts he has sent he had kids today and was sending photos of them he said he has been going threw some issues and said in a few days he wants to talk? I know i have been a bit ott with him i see my mental health lady tomorrow so going to run everything past her hopefully she can help with how im feeling ect.thanks again its nice to have someone to speak to that wont judge xx
 
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missme

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#36
You are most welcome! You are doing the right thing by running it by your mental health support. Good on you. I'm here anytime, and of course, no judgments attached! Take care and stay safe. X
 
Mayflower7

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#37
Hi,
Sorry to hear of your difficulties, hope it gets easier for you very soon.
Your a great mum putting the kids first, keep copies of texts if he's abusive and show the police.
He has no right behaving like that.
Do you have any family support?
Take care
 
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Nls90

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#38
You are most welcome! You are doing the right thing by running it by your mental health support. Good on you. I'm here anytime, and of course, no judgments
You are most welcome! You are doing the right thing by running it by your mental health support. Good on you. I'm here anytime, and of course, no judgments attached! Take care and stay safe. X
Hi we have spoke about the children he is very confusing and i dont need it just now still very hard
Hi,
Sorry to hear of your difficulties, hope it gets easier for you very soon.
Your a great mum putting the kids first, keep copies of texts if he's abusive and show the police.
He has no right behaving like that.
Do you have any family support?
Take care
Hi thank you ❤ i dont have much family support i have a good friend who has been helping me still alot of hard days its just all confusing i will get there i hope x
 
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Nls90

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#39
You are most welcome! You are doing the right thing by running it by your mental health support. Good on you. I'm here anytime, and of course, no judgments attached! Take care and stay safe. X
Thank you still alot of bad days i seen him yesterday still very confusing i just want it to get easier x
 
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Nls90

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#40
I have started to apply for a bigger house im in a 2 bedroom with a boy and girl sharing i have started to write down a list of what i am going to do and day by day tick them off 😁 my ex bought a 4 bed and he is doing it up has been for awhile was ment to be a family home when we spoke i told him my plans and he said yeh go for it so he must know its over aswell now i got the i love you but cant live with/without you and he cant see a future without me in it and it was ment to be a break clear our heads and we all would of moved in when done...but after the words the texts and telling me to get my own house i am going to do this and get threw this for me and my children and when his house is done split contact with our children and i will build mysel back for me and them 😁 im done long may this strengh countine just now i have been doing it all mysel for nearly 6 weeks threw the good and bad at the start when we fell out i said sorry wanted him back and got nothing in return was willing to wait but not now 🤞
 

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