Borderline symptoms? Confused

[>.<]

Ok well I was originally diagnosed as bipolar, then they decided I wasn't, then they're unsure However, I'm beginning to wonder if I may be showing signs of borderline personality disorder. I'm under 18 so I cant get a BPD diagnosis but I was wondering what anyone with BPD, bipolar, or anyone really thinks about these symptopms. Thanks for reading

- I have major mood swings, and they're very fast. I can change within the space of half an hour or less, and not always but mostly, I get sad/angry when I think people don't care about me.

- I have this terrible fear of being abandoned. The minute someone does something out of character or negative, I start overanalysing and thinking they're going to leave me or they don't like me and I'm going to be alone.

- I can't be completely alone, or in silence for very long. I've always been like this, when I was little I used to get really intense seperation anxiety from my mum until I was about 10.

- I have no problem making friends, but I have problems keeping them. I have a few close friends, but other people I like for a while, then I think they're going to hurt me or leave me so I don't allow them to get close.

- I'm a former self harmer, and I've made 6 suicide attempts, although they were really bad and couldn't have killed me so I guess they were more self harm. I don't self harm anymore, but I still get suicidal thoughts, usually when I think people are going to leave me.

- I have a really bad temper. I get angry over small things, and my anger is massive, I scream, punch things, throw things, cry, tell people around me "YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME" and stuff

- I'm very impulsive. I get an idea in my head that's really ridicuolus and not practical and I try to carry it out and end up putting myself in dangerous situations.

-I had a very traumatic childhood. I was in hospital a lot as a baby, the doctors got stuff wrong I had to have operations and invasive procedures when I was a toddler which I still remember and have flashbacks to. I've never got along with my dad and me and him frequently have huge fights, and I was badly bullied from the age of 11 until I had a breakdown.

Sorry that was long. Any ideas? If it is signs of BPD, is there anything I can do to stop it developing or make it less intense? Thanks

 

[mypd]

Hi >.<,

Your list wasn't too long at all. My guess is that you even missed some things. My experience with mental health is that even though we are given labels, we often don't fit completely in one package. As a minor, I was diagnosed with conduct disorder which is the younger version of a personality disorder (I think). Currently, my pdoc is unsure which "cluster B" personality disorder I have although she is leaning towards borderline.

I also have been gifted with rapid cycling bipolar disorder giving me incredible mood swings at the drop of a hat. It's been better as of late since my medication is finally at the right levels. As a special treat, I deal with an anxiety disorder that picks the most awkward times to surface. Sitting on a cold crowded bus perspiring and needing air isn't the best way to blend in.

For me, I have found writing a journal so I express my thoughts instead of holding them in has helped me to really look at what I allowed to set me off. I also have a "gratitude journal" in which I simply write down 5 things I am grateful for each day. (my cat pulling at my hand to get up and feed her was one of todays entries) I also do some work on "mindfulness" which is basically noticing what you are doing in the moment to hopefully prevent an outburst.

The biggest thing that has helped has been a therapist who I go to every few weeks. It's a safe place where I can really look at some things I do and why. I think you are fortunate to have caught things young. It's also great that you take it so seriously. Try to remember that no specific label is catered to you. Typically you'll fit more in one than another but the label isn't as important as getting a grip on changing or at least understanding why you do what you do.

I realize I rambled but hope it was somewhat helpful

Mypd

 

[mylife]

I really don’t understand what borderline personality is even after reading it and my doctor told me they think I got part of that too

Im 18 like you but I think slower you said you think fast and i was in special education.

i hope you can find help to

 

[mypd]

Hi Mylife,

Actually, when I was a young, I couldn't focus and my behaviour issues were because I would get so hyper. My racing mind was no help to me at all. Those days are long behind me and I spent most of my 20's making horrible mistakes.

This is a definition I use to understand borderline personalities.

Borderline Personality: People with a borderline personality, are unstable in their self-image, moods, behavior, and interpersonal relationships. Their thought processes are more disturbed than those of people with an antisocial personality, and their aggression is more often turned against the self. They are angry, impulsive and confused about their identity.

They fear being abandoned by a caring person and tend to express inappropriate and intense anger. People with a borderline personality tend to see events and relationships as black or white, good or evil, but never neutral.

People with a borderline personality may feel abandoned and alone and may wonder whether they actually exist (that is, they do not feel real). They can become desperately impulsive, engaging in reckless promiscuity , substance abuse, or self-mutilation. At times they are so out of touch with reality that they have brief episodes of psychotic thinking, paranoia, and hallucinations.

Don't know if that helped. As a younger person, I was told I had a conduct disorder. Seems as I grew, so did my disorder

Wishing you well,

 

[mylife]

I think I better understand it now and think I do fit this like the doctor says because I have self image issues and behavior problems not that I am a bad person I just do things that are bad like wetting my bed when I am to lazy to get up and that one of my behavior problems

 

[confused-123]

I have symptoms just like your's (im 18) and I've an appointment with a psycharitrist coming up (feels like forever I've been waiting) they think I might be bipolar but I sound alot like you, I hate silence too, being alone will do anything to have company, can't bond properly with people unless its romantic in which case I latch on and then start to freak out and overanalyse everything too and think they don't care about me. I don't know if I have this or something else yet but just a message to let you know you're not alone with these feelings!

 

[Star-28]

hello

definitely sounds like some borderline traits. u can have traits and not the full blown disorder. therapy works best for that kind of stuff. i recommend finding u a therapist that u really like and trust and is experienced. keep us posted on what the pdoc says....

 

[dib4uk]

Hi there, from what you've described it does sound like its borderline personality disorder.... its hard for the psych to determin between biploa and borderline because for so many people they are suffering from both terrible conditions.

 

[reno340]

"- I have this terrible fear of being abandoned."

This is the hallmark of borderline personality disorder. One of the reason's for this is that there is a lack of true identity. People w/ BPD identify w/ those around them since the have this "lack of self" Think of it as being an actor who plays "roles". When there is no one around, there is no role to play so this becomes very frightening. You also show a textbook list of criteria for the disorder. I would say that it is highly likely that you have BPD.
Find a book called "I hate you, Please don't leave me!" (it is used widely here in the USA). It goes into more detail than there is room for me to write on this forum as it is a really complex problem.

 

[Star-28]

I am actually reading I Hate You Don't Leave Me right now. it does describe BPD quite well.. I recommend it