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Borderline personality disorder issues

U

ukbpdstrf

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Joined
May 15, 2021
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2
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UK
long story short , I have borderline personality disorder and mild cerebalpalsy and I am male. Over the past 4/5 years I have lost all my friends and family due to my behaviour. Im in my early 20's and am very lonely and confused about my life, I cant seem to keep relationships and I have made a bad name for myself, recently I have been accepted into uni to study psychology/clinical psychology funnily enough. I currently live by myself which doesn't help with my isolation.

I'm looking for advice if theres anyone out there who has experienced my disorder before or has experience with it. How can I improve my relationships? how can I sort out my life? I have been told by my own family that no one ever believes a word I say anymore and that I am extremely disliked by multiple people due to manipulation and so on, I am intelligent and can feel a lot of negativity towards me from a lot of people who I care about whether they believe me or not...

I have a lot of shame and dissapointment with my self for the things i've done, although over the past year i have tried extremely hard to sort myself out, it just seems to end up in a never ending circle with these issues I face. I've hurt a lot of people with suicide attempts, lies etc.... This is me being brutally honest with you.

I just feel so lost and am looking for advice?

many thanks.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Mar 1, 2021
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California
Hi and welcome, feeling a lot of negativity from people you care about and love is hard especially when they don't know how much you do.
That I think is part of the start at least for me, wanting to act kinder, speak kinder. When I make progress and lose, I have to start again with what I want and keep trying.
I have also gone to therapy. I am on a wait list for a bit, but will return to therapy. It has been helpful. Also hearing experiences of people here has helped. It has in a way helped me accept some things.
Sounds like you have already realized a lot. Are you in therapy?
 
U

ukbpdstrf

New member
Joined
May 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
UK
Thankyou both of you, I'm not in therapy but have had it previously, i feel like it doesnt help very much with me. I am fairly compitent at introspection and am hoping starting psychology for uni will help me understand myself and others with these issues more, It's helpful to hear from others who have similar siutations to myself.
 
Prozac1984

Prozac1984

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Jan 19, 2021
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43
Location
Brazil
I'm not in therapy
The problem with PD is that it is almost impossible to change without therapy because it is a egosyntonic condition, meaning that you need external opinions to know where you are going wrong.
You may know that the result of your actions are bad and what actions led to this result, but at the time you were acting, I bet you felt that you were right.
 
H

Halambinator

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Jun 24, 2021
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Berlin
The problem with PD is that it is almost impossible to change without therapy because it is a egosyntonic condition, meaning that you need external opinions to know where you are going wrong.
You may know that the result of your actions are bad and what actions led to this result, but at the time you were acting, I bet you felt that you were right.
This is really interesting, how do you handle receiving these external opinions? Is it best coming from a therapist? Or can you accept opinions from family members? Or do they have to say them in a certain way?
 
B

Blackwolf

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Dec 27, 2020
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194
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Poland
It is best coming from therapist. Family is always subjective and their advices might not be especially good for you as you might feel worse later.
I have BPD and I have to distance from my family, they have bad impact on me and my health.
My BPD mostly comes from my parents and their impact on me growing up, how their treated me etc
 
B

Bobbyewing

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Apr 9, 2021
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430
Location
Dublin
It's a mistake to give up on therapy. Obviously if you are still taking part in behaviours that alienate people then you need a guide.
Don't get me wrong sometimes we will alienate people who are just assholes.in other words people can be very irrational.
I wonder if you have been told to do x and just did not do it by a therapist?.
Id suggest reading a bit on buddhism because it sounds like you have a strong ego that needs be tamed.
Why buddhism is true is a good start. Can't think of the author.
 
U

Unwellmel

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Joined
Jul 8, 2021
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10
Location
Austria
Thankyou both of you, I'm not in therapy but have had it previously, i feel like it doesnt help very much with me. I am fairly compitent at introspection and am hoping starting psychology for uni will help me understand myself and others with these issues more, It's helpful to hear from others who have similar siutations to myself.
hey! I was diagnosed with bpd as well and i just finished my first year of clinical psychology at university and from my experience i wanna tell you that it personally helped me A LOT especially because a lot of people from my class are very open about mental illness and i feel that i found a lot of people offering me a safe place for sharing my struggles. I really hope you enjoy it as much as i do and maybe it will help you as well!
Sending you lots of hope for the future! You are not alone!
 
S

SugarAndRainbows

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Joined
May 23, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Sweden
Hi! :D
I don't have BPD but I am diagnosed with ASPD and have psychopathic traits.

I think there is some overlap in BPD and ASPD, you mention lies and manipulation and having problems with (deep?) relationships which are all boxes I can check as well. :)

I consider myself to be a pretty intelligent person and I made a lot of progress on my own. I do think you should consider therapy though, but you should probably find an expert in BPD for it to be really beneficial. My disorder by its definition makes me completely blind to some things, and what I realised is that I do not understand neurotypicals nearly as well as I thought. The same probably goes for you and I'll bet you anything that you won't think your way out of it on your own. You can't fix a problem that you are totally unaware of. Therapy will help you become aware of it. In my case therapy helped me align my self interests with the interests of others and society at large. :)

To summarize the above: I strongly recommend therapy. :)

I applaud your efforts to change for the past year. Great! When I was in my early twenties i was still a criminal, used drugs and alcohol every day, was even homeless for a while. I had no contact with my family for years at this time. I am now 40 and have a wife since 17 years, a kid, and a "healthy" contact with my family (I'm still strange so, you know, some things never change ;)).
I think what I'm getting at is that things can change if you want them too and if you put years of effort in (it literally took years before I regained any kind of trust from anyone, even my closest family). Keep at it! :D

If you have questions feel free to DM me. :)
 
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