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Borderline personality disorder issues

U

ukbpdstrf

New member
Joined
May 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
UK
long story short , I have borderline personality disorder and mild cerebalpalsy and I am male. Over the past 4/5 years I have lost all my friends and family due to my behaviour. Im in my early 20's and am very lonely and confused about my life, I cant seem to keep relationships and I have made a bad name for myself, recently I have been accepted into uni to study psychology/clinical psychology funnily enough. I currently live by myself which doesn't help with my isolation.

I'm looking for advice if theres anyone out there who has experienced my disorder before or has experience with it. How can I improve my relationships? how can I sort out my life? I have been told by my own family that no one ever believes a word I say anymore and that I am extremely disliked by multiple people due to manipulation and so on, I am intelligent and can feel a lot of negativity towards me from a lot of people who I care about whether they believe me or not...

I have a lot of shame and dissapointment with my self for the things i've done, although over the past year i have tried extremely hard to sort myself out, it just seems to end up in a never ending circle with these issues I face. I've hurt a lot of people with suicide attempts, lies etc.... This is me being brutally honest with you.

I just feel so lost and am looking for advice?

many thanks.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
1,305
Location
California
Hi and welcome, feeling a lot of negativity from people you care about and love is hard especially when they don't know how much you do.
That I think is part of the start at least for me, wanting to act kinder, speak kinder. When I make progress and lose, I have to start again with what I want and keep trying.
I have also gone to therapy. I am on a wait list for a bit, but will return to therapy. It has been helpful. Also hearing experiences of people here has helped. It has in a way helped me accept some things.
Sounds like you have already realized a lot. Are you in therapy?
 
U

ukbpdstrf

New member
Joined
May 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
UK
Thankyou both of you, I'm not in therapy but have had it previously, i feel like it doesnt help very much with me. I am fairly compitent at introspection and am hoping starting psychology for uni will help me understand myself and others with these issues more, It's helpful to hear from others who have similar siutations to myself.
 
Prozac1984

Prozac1984

Active member
Joined
Jan 19, 2021
Messages
28
Location
Brazil
I'm not in therapy
The problem with PD is that it is almost impossible to change without therapy because it is a egosyntonic condition, meaning that you need external opinions to know where you are going wrong.
You may know that the result of your actions are bad and what actions led to this result, but at the time you were acting, I bet you felt that you were right.
 
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