- Oct 28, 2018
I've been spending a lot of time overthinking. Awhile back I had an acid trip, this wasn't the only thing to contribute to my body dysmorphia but looking in the mirror during and trying to see my face seemed near impossible. I think I'm going crazy over not knowing what I look like. Light, shadow, and angle, is all so altering. I can't tell what I look like and others words for me are so general it's hard to tell the exact connotation. I'm not eating again, I'm not even overweight. 5'9 1/2 and very slender. I've been told I have apple cheeks. I think I'm generally attractive but it's hard to tell. I feel like humans look weird in general, ecspecially if you view us like something small such as bacteria. We are odd looking animals, how is anyone truly attracted to anyone else. I guess I'm just mad at myself for not being able to feel good despite getting stared at all the time and thinking I'm hot at certain times of the month when I'm feeling good. Part of me thinks I'd look better even thinner even though my weight now is like a thinner birth of Venus. I beat myself up too much. I'm going to do protein shakes for a few days and see if I like myself better. If I could see my face without shadows in mirrors all the time, I would feel really beautiful.