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Blushing social anxiety

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pingpong

Guest
Ok so I've recently aquired this problem. I used to blush in high school when someone really embarrased me but since i left school for the last 4 years i have had no problem with it, i didnt consider it a problem then but a few months ago i went round to a friends that i hadnt been to in a while, and he had some old friends there that i hadnt seen in a while and one of them asked to borrow my phone and when he had finished he was trying to wined me up with it by throwing it to the other guy and when he threw it, it dropped on the floor and for some reason i felt really insulted and didnt say anything i just put a face on and picked it up, then someone said ''did that upset you'' and i said ''no'' and for some reason i started blushing quite badly and everyone noticed and mentioned it, then about half an hour later someone said ''you look upset luke'' at this time i was fine but he was just trying to wined me up again, and i couldnt help it i went bright red again. the thing is for the last 4 years i have been in much worse embarrasing situations and have been ridiculed by people, in my group of friends it is normal for people to badly insult each other and try to embarass and humiliate each other.

for some reason every time someone puts any kind of attention on me i blush i can feel it hit me its weird, sometimes i get anxious about it like say i am with a group of people i will just remember that i have this problem and it will build and build inside me until its the only thing on my mind and i cannot escape the thought of it, and all it takes is for someone to say something something about me even if its a compliment or just something completly random like once i was sat watching a film with a group of friends and i got the feeling and it built to that point and in the film someone was running and a friend said ''hes coming for u'' and i just went so red its unbelievable i could feel my face was on fire and it lasted for about 3-4 minutes and everone noticed.

but it isnt just when i think about it, if someone says somthing like ''are you still seeing that girl'' or ''did you sleep with that girl'' things about girls really just hits me or say they say something like ''ur gay'' or if they say i like sum guy, then thats just as bad, and i find this particularly annoying because i am not gay and if someone says something like that and i blush then they are goin to asume i am gay.

certain people i'm fine around, like the ones i fink less could say anything they wanted and it wudnt faze me.

This problem has litterally killed my social life, i dont go out anymore at all because i am that sure i will end up blushing if go out.

If i go on a night out then i'am fine because im drinking, but say i crash at a friends with loads of people, when i wake up i have to get out of there early because i will blush if someone says somthing, especially if iv been with a girl there and someone says somthing like 'you 2 have fun last night'' or something along those lines i will blush badly.

it really is destroying me inside i feel asthough my personallity is dieing by not socialising at all and i feel asthough i am drifting apart from my friends.

this has never been a problem so why has this happened to me?
 
S

schizolanza

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I have an embarrasing condition too.Hyperhidrosis which means I sweat too much.This is worsened by anxiety and can be extremely embarrasing.
 
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pingpong

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i dont consider my problem a condition, i would much rather sweat too much than go bright red, u can wipe the sweat away from your face very easily. trade? lol
 
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schizolanza

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I dont think you'd want to swap.
I sweat from my hands and under my arms.It is very noticable with large sweat patches appearing under my arms.My hands get very cold because of the sweat evaporating and they are dripping wet.Shaking hands is not an option so meeting people is embarrasing.
Anxiety can make it a lot worse.I'm currently having CBT (COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR THERAPY)for my anxiety.I wonder if CBT might help you.
 
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pingpong

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Do u live in the uk? if so is cbt free? if not how much is it? and how is the cbt goin? is it worth it?
 
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schizolanza

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Yes I live in the UK.CBT is free on the NHS.I was referred by my psychiatrist.It's too early for me to say wether it's been of any help.My panic attacks are down but I had one on Sunday night that I couldn't fend off with breathing techniques.
What I've done so far has been concentrating on recognising when you are thinking negatively.There's a lot on the forum on CBT if you're interested.
 
M

mudslides

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May 20, 2009
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I blush all the time, and its uncomfortable and embaressing, but I try and force myself to stay and finish the conversation and ignore the blushes. Im hoping eventually this will end it happening.
 
A

areback

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May 22, 2009
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but it isnt just when i think about it, if someone says somthing like ''are you still seeing that girl'' or ''did you sleep with that girl'' things about girls really just hits me or say they say something like ''ur gay'' or if they say i like sum guy, then thats just as bad, and i find this particularly annoying because i am not gay and if someone says something like that and i blush then they are goin to asume i am gay.
I have the same problem even if someone is talking about someone being gay or something. I blush really badly, I don't really understand why.
 
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schizolanza

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The CBT I've been doing is interesting.If you can find out what makes you blush the answer could be to expose yourself to these situations slowly until you become acustomed to it as you gradually increase the frequency.
Hope that made sense.
 
W

Wire

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Ah, blushing. I'm somewhat the same as you, OP. I blush constantly during conversations with people I don't know well/while walking somewhere/in crowds/in mildly warm places/pretty much all the damn time. I've had this "condition" for roughly all my life thus far.

I understand completely when you say that it affects your social life and whatnot. Sometimes it can be devastating to just "flare up" mid conversation and have to bail out as fast as possible. Really this is what I consider the root cause of all my depression and social anxiety; I really cant do anything but obsess over it when my face feels like it's about to melt off.

Unfortunately I cant offer much help for you besides the comfort in knowing you aren't alone in this. I've only just started trying to get help though so I'll let you know how it goes and what you can do. For the meantime though I suggest you do what I did and go talk to your doctor about it.

Regarding other peoples comments in this thread: Really it doesn't make much sense logically, so even if someone says your gay or whatever, and you're not, it still doesn't stop it. For example whenever someone accuses me of lying, or even if I think what I'm saying sounds hard to believe (even if it's true), I'll blush like crazy, people pretty much think I lie about most things now :p.

To the person above, repeated exposures to triggers aren't really successful. I've been repeatedly, intentionally exposing myself to heat, crowds and prolonged conversations for 2 years now to no avail. Also, I seemingly have so many triggers now that it would be easier to identify what I don't get affected by.
 
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pingpong

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I feel like its like a spell thats been chanted on me or something lol because it seems that most people are like that all their lives and its just come out of nowhere for me, i feel asthough i shouldnt be having this problem and that if i go to the doc's then il be going back on myself if you know what i mean, but i suppose thats what im going to have to do. :unsure:
 
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*Sapphire*

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Hi Pingpong

I used to blush terribly when I was younger. It was so bad that one of my teachers at school made me sit on a seat in front of a red poster, then for fun, would have a competition with the class to see who could make me blush to match the colour of the poster. It was truely awful and I dreaded his lessons. I also used to blush in school assembly when the headmaster was talking about some damage caused to the school or something similiar and he wanted people to own up to doing it. I have no idea why I blushed then because I never did anything like that so wasn't guilty! It was wierd!

I guess for me I eventually grew in confidence and I blush alot less, however I still do blush sometimes either when I'm really angry or embarassed. And when I am around people that like to humiliate eachother as a joke, but i've learned the art of humiliating them back in response so they do it less and less now. Instead of focusing and thinking on how I was blushing (which inevitably made it worse) I dedicated my attention to thinking up quick responses. It is hard to do and takes practice but I found that focusing on something other than my blushing can make it go quicker. Sometimes I would prepare myself before seeing these friends by remembering their embarassing histories so I had it to hand if they started on me! They quickly realised I was not such an easy target to humiliate and it could backfire on them! It was not a malicious response, I was just giving them a harmless taste of their own medicine! They are good friends, but some groups do enjoy embarassing eachother (you should have heard my husbands best men speech - there were three of them and had the whole place in stitches with their recollections of embarassing times, and boy did my husband blush then!). :)
 
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pingpong

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ye i know what you mean but i used to blush in school and my confidence grew after school and i never blushed at all for 4 years no matter how embarrasing the situation but for some reason its happened now but alot worse than in school.
 
A

alfonso25

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Oct 9, 2009
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Originally Posted by pingpong
but it isnt just when i think about it, if someone says somthing like ''are you still seeing that girl'' or ''did you sleep with that girl'' things about girls really just hits me or say they say something like ''ur gay'' or if they say i like sum guy, then thats just as bad, and i find this particularly annoying because i am not gay and if someone says something like that and i blush then they are goin to asume i am gay.

Hi

I can relate to what you are feeling, i started to have panic attacks when the word gay was mentioned. i work in an office environment, and l am very confident and i am also a bit of a ladies man. I can walk the walk and talk the talkm, the king of one liners and l can come back to any comment or remark, but when the word gay is mentioned or anything of that nature l start to go red, i lose my composure and my systems shut down and i cant say anything back. i just freeze, start to sweat and my heart starts to race....
this started about 5 yrs ago and l suffered some really bad attacks and people in the whole building started talking about me and my sexual orientation. I am not gay and never been that way inclined, but you see l have the same problem as you, if someone hints at you being gay and you go all red, then its like 'yeah he is gay'
I was very anti drugs/meds.... i have tried hypnosis, which didnt work as l actually had panic attacks as the hypnotist was trying to calm me and put me 'under'.... i tried self hale books and theres a really good one by dr claire weekes on panic atatcks, this was recommended by my gp. i read this it gave me good tips but never fully worked. then l got referred to CBT and that also assisted but never full helped.then l went to see a counsellor who tried different techniques including NLP, Anchoring, EFT (Emoional Freedome Technoques) and some other techniques whose names l cant remeber, but it consisted of thinking of a bad situation whilst following the finger of the counsellor. The counsellor would out her finger about 18inches from my eyes and ask me to follow her fingers with my eye balls only and NOT mover my head. the analogy behind this was that it re jigged the brain ( i actually found this useful) eventually i tried acupinture, de sensitising techniques but it never went away. sometimes l would be doing really well and thenout of the blue i would have a bad attack and go all red and sweat. Ieven tried religous and cultural remedies. eventually my GP recommended to try fluoxetine 20 mg (Prozac) and as l mentioned l didnt wasnt to do any meds but after about 3 and half years of suffering i really got desperate. I have to sya after a few months a ireallynoticed a diferent and soon started getting better. then about 18 monthslater l stopped, but recently l had anothe rbad experience. As part of my work l was on sexual helath training andanother person said'lm getting worried about you' whilsttalking about gays!!! and thsi started again!! l have now re started my medication. isometimes think it will never go away and l suffer badly, one minute l am the most confident guy in the building l can go on any floor and jut randomly chat to the most beautiful girls, l am very confident in meetings and then in a milli second l am a shivering wreck!! You are not alone, and its really bad but you needto keep on trying different remedies. I personally dont think the exposure thing works as l have tried it many times. Let me know if anything works for you. good luck
 
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