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Bloody angry at being told not to go to a funeral!!!



Well-known member
Founding Member
Jan 26, 2008
North Lincolnshire
Rant Warning!

A woman i have known for almost twenty years committed suicide recently. She had separated from her husband - James - a year or so ago and he has recently moved away to live with a (now) ex b/f (Nick) of mine.

She had still relied heavily on her ex husband and probably felt really abandoned that he moved. Neither of them drive so the 24 miles would have been difficult.

I had fallen out with her two years ago. But had seen her more recently and things were civil. But despite this - no is perfect after all - I still would want to go and pay my respects.

Then her miserable bastard of ex husband texted me and said he didnt think I should go to the funeral as she and I had fallen out, and also because I wasnt at all nice about him moving in with Nick - my ex b/f. Which I wasnt, its true, but I spoke my mind.

I was absolutely incensed! A) funerals are not by invitation only and B) maybe he should think about what hurt he did to her. I told him so too, pointing out that it wasnt me who divorced her, or constantly insulted her as he did, or abandoned her. And maybe it is him who shouldnt be going to the funeral.

I know that was a bit nasty of me, but in a was its true. And by that time, I had nothing to lose anyway.

Its brought up my ex brother in laws death. I had only recently separated from my husband when Harry was killed in Northern Ireland - he was in the SBS. The family really didnt want me at the funeral. But I went, on my own, and held my head up high even though only a couple of people spoke to me.

I realise James is probably feeling guilty and angry, but I am really pissed off that he is taking it out on me!

What should I do?

It may be irrelevant as I may not be able to know when the funeral is if he doesnt tell me.

Incandescently cross! cloudberry :mad:


Hun I feel your pain
like yoiu said he is taking it out on you. you have no reason to not pay your respects to your friend, after all no one can predict the future and a lot of things happen in the past that at times like this seem really intense, especially if you are lashing out.
you seem to have a say it as it is personality, which sometimes people may find hard to cope with, that is their problem not yours.
I would suggest that you calm down before replying to this guy. then rationally text that whilst you understand that there is a lot of past between you all, you still have the need to say goodbye and that you will attend but out of respect for others you will stand back. you can then say goodbye to your friend when they leave. I know its hard but you have to be the big one here and show that even though they may take things out on you you stil have the decency to respect their wishes but they have to respect yours also.
Be dignified, pay your respects and leave, dont put yourself into a confrontational position with the others there because they will retaliate and take it out on you again and cause an arguement, which nobody wants at the end of the day. chill baby, it will seem more rational when you have calmed down, but its great that you feel that you can let rip to us as we are here to listen.
take care hun
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