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Birthday advice



Apr 11, 2009
Tayside Scotland
Hi Guys,

I joined up a couple of days ago, and my first post of "deluded or Honest" has given me some good advice, but I do have a rather pressing problem, which will require me to either say nothing or ask a question that might place too much pressure on my friend.
I was in a relationship until just over 2 weeks ago. 1 minute he was head over heels for me, the next he said he didn't fell anything anymore. The upshot was his meds had been changed and were not working and he had a bit of a crisis. I have tried to get him to realise that I understand, but he says he feels too guilty and ashamed to carry on with the relationship. We have agreed to remain friends and are texting and emailing quite regularly. He doesn't seem comfortable speaking to me on the phone, and the only time I have seen him, two weeks ago he looked in such a dreadful state I thought my heart was going to break.
However my dilemma is that its his birthday in a couple of days and before we split I booked a couple of days away. Should I tell him about it and see if he wants to go just as friends? Should I say nothing , send him a card and continue with the softly softly approach ?
I am a bit scared to ask him if he wants to go, as I'm afraid another rejection from him might just upset me so much that I won't be able to face the friendship thing at all and I really want to be there for him.
Anybody any idea the best way to approach this ?
He is on new meds and they seem to be kicking in, although he isn't sleeping too well (wakes up exhausted).


D XX:cry:


The last line you wrote about his new meds and his sleeping pattern tell me the answer to your question. It's unlikely that a break away will do him much good while he's so unsettled with the new medication. It's always more difficult to sleep in a strange place anyway.

Just text him and email him and be his friend. Don't put pressure on him no matter how well meant it is and it will all turn out exactly as it's supposed to.

Send him a nice card, that's a great idea. Just take it steady. I'm glad he's got such a thoughtful person in his life.


I wouldnt tell him about the break take another friend, its good that you are his friend but in my experience I dont think you can be friends with someone you were once in a realtionship I think that you are just being kind and will move on, you are human n will want to be loved in the future


Apr 11, 2009
Tayside Scotland
Jamesdean:, just abandoning him seems a bit harsh considering the illness he has, and the fact that he has nobody else in the world. I'm not saying its easy trying to be someones friend when you have once loved them passionately, but just to walk away and move on, like every other person has, just because he's got mental illness, seems just a little lacking in compassion. I know where you are coming from, but it just seems a little bit like the easy way out for me. He's a lovely guy when the meds are working and at the moment he just wants to be left alone to sort his head out on his new meds. I'll respect that and give him a bit of time.
I have no illusions that the "romance" can be fixed as such, that would be immature, but he has an illness, if it were a physical one, I would be critcised for walking away wouldn't I ?:flowers:
Thanks for your viewpoint though.:grouphug:

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