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Bipolar type 2 medicated boyfriend won’t come near me physically please help

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Evalun

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Oct 28, 2019
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Hey. So my boyfriend of 2.5 years won’t come near me. No kissing no hugs no affection, cold distant and detached. We had a baby 2018 and it’s been really stressful, plus he stopped smoking dope after years abuse and had a massive bipolar depression (suicidal ideation etc). We got him back on meds (he’d stopped taking lithium in 2017 so bipolar type 2 unmedicated except for dope). I’ve struggled with his irritation and agitation, restlessness and forgetfulness, insensitivity and arrogance. I see it all as part of the bipolar but he won’t. He blames me. When our baby was first born, I was on my own, I’d moved 200 miles from home, my 14 year old stopped talking to me, I had to give up work and my friends and family. I have done my best to fit in with his family and life but I was massively depressed and lonely. He doesn’t seem to care at all even though he says does and loves me. He’s now on lamactil and sertraline about 2 months, 175 mg and 50 mg respectively. He’s got worse. More arrogant more detached and more cold. No sex no kisses no intimacy and it’s killing me. He says there’s no one else but it’s like I repel him. I love him and am desperate for affection. Bipolar and meds and no more dope, is this the simple reason, I need help. I’m so lonely
 
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Vulcan Spock

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It could be the effects of the medications. I wouldn't look at it like you are causing anything. I have been on lamicatal and sertaline. These medications seriously altered not only my sex drive but any desire for any kind of physical intimacy of any kind--even just hugging someone etc. I had no interest whatsoever. And to be blunt about it, even if I did have the interest, the medicine affected me with sexual dysfunction to the point that it wouldn't matter anyways because nothing would happen even if I wanted it to. So this may be part of the issue. It's not certain as everyone is different. But some medications are pretty notorious for this. You might discuss this candidly and see. I wouldn't just go out and blame yourself as if you are causing anything.
 
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Evalun

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I’m so hurt. He just acts so cold and says it my fault- I’ve been so lonely for a long time and it’s making me depressed- it’s not just sex it’s the feeling loved or any care whatsoever. Thanks for your response Vulcan, I’m really grateful
 
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Vulcan Spock

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..it also could be the illness speaking as well. When having certain episodes your personality can change a lot. When I am in certain phases, I just don't want anything to do with people. My attitude is, just get away from me and stay away from me. When really bad, I can be rude and and verbally mean to people. With bipolar there can be pretty extreme shifts in mood and personality traits that go along with the illness. It is going to be a challenge to live with someone with bipolar. Just being blunt and honest. I have never had any stable relationship and am in my fifties now. It wont work for me. I stopped worrying about it years ago and just go with the flow now.
 
LadyDomino

LadyDomino

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From my experience most meds have side effects - its often a case of keep trying different ones to see which meds help and have side effects you can live with. My libido disappeared overnight with one of the anti-depressants I went on (and its never fully recovered).

Bi polar is no ones fault - but how its managed is up to the individual and his/her psych doc.

I can only suggest trying to explain to your b/f how this is affecting you and asking if he would consider getting his meds reviewed.
 
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Zoe1

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thats exactly how alcoholics behave
when they start out in AA
the family is disappointed to find the alcoholic
becomes very self absorbed

it may be you can gain from some contact with Al-Anon

:hug5: ✨
 
C

celticlass

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thats exactly how alcoholics behave
when they start out in AA
the family is disappointed to find the alcoholic
becomes very self absorbed

it may be you can gain from some contact with Al-Anon

:hug5: ✨
I think you are generalising there. 4 years sober through AA I am - no. Does not sound right to me. Sounds more like sexual dysfunction and he is pushing her away because of it etc.
 
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Zoe1

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I was referring to AA literature

e.g.

" the life and soul of the party
is always asleep "
 
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celticlass

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Ah well - so much for the Literature. Nobody said it was the gospel.
 
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Zoe1

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ive also heard it from recovering alcoholics

not everyones recovery is identical
 
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celticlass

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ive also heard it from recovering alcoholics

not everyones recovery is identical
and I did not say it was. What is more factual is that anti depressants can cause sexual dysfunction in men. I don't know if there is a Carer's Support Group maybe you could be referred to? I also support an adult son with difficulties and tried Support in Mind. I found it did not work for me (carer's group). But this was because of my own illness. They can provide counselling support and link you in with other carers for moral support and outings etc
 
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