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Bipolar Relationship

K

Kingdom Man

Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Ohio
Hello Everybody!!

I'm brand new to this site, seems like a great community of people helping people.

I'm here to help but also seeing guidance for my own personal situation. I met a woman online and she has Bipolar l and I have depression and anxiety. We talked for a few months and everything was going very well and we began dating, shortly after we had started dating, about a month, she broke things off. All she stated was that she didn't feel ready to be in a relationship and also saying " this is just what I do, I don't want to hurt you". Up until this point I was her "Mr. Right". I did notice that as things went along she started saying things like " you're good and I'm bad" told her mother " he's to good for me" " I don't feel I deserve this" meaning a good relationship. I know she also told her mother that it's not me, that she's just shutting down.

She has a past filled with physical abuse, guys that took advantage of her, rape, molestation, alcoholic father.

I've been doing as much research as possible to understand bipolar and what she goes through with it.

Am I experiencing a switch from manic to depression? I do understand overwhelm is part of it.

Of course I want us to be together again, but more importantly, I just want to help her, but it's hard when she has slammed the door shut and it seems I just trigger her into anxiety. I'm doing some things to gently let her know that I'm still here for her and I won't abandon her.

Any advise of how I can help her through this?
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
3,584
Location
Canada
Welcome to the forum and good for you wanting to be there for her. Maybe she'll come around and respond to your friendship though she's been through a lot of hard stuff..
 
K

keith74

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
244
Location
Canada
Am I experiencing a switch from manic to depression? I do understand overwhelm is part of it.
No, it sounds like she is more concerned about the future of the relationship because of her illness, and how you will react when you see her go through her episodes. She may be trying to spare future emotional hurt by cutting the relationship off now. My wife did something similar before we got married. She started to have a lot of doubts and I had to convince her that I will do my best to support her with her illness if we stay together.

Her concerns are not unfounded. A relationship with a bipolar partner can be very challenging. I did a lot of research and thought I was ready. But when my wife recently had her first full blown manic episode, it was overwhelming. It really really takes a lot of commitment and understanding to work through it.
 
Bipolarbear808

Bipolarbear808

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 15, 2020
Messages
216
Location
USA
Hello Everybody!!

I'm brand new to this site, seems like a great community of people helping people.

I'm here to help but also seeing guidance for my own personal situation. I met a woman online and she has Bipolar l and I have depression and anxiety. We talked for a few months and everything was going very well and we began dating, shortly after we had started dating, about a month, she broke things off. All she stated was that she didn't feel ready to be in a relationship and also saying " this is just what I do, I don't want to hurt you". Up until this point I was her "Mr. Right". I did notice that as things went along she started saying things like " you're good and I'm bad" told her mother " he's to good for me" " I don't feel I deserve this" meaning a good relationship. I know she also told her mother that it's not me, that she's just shutting down.

She has a past filled with physical abuse, guys that took advantage of her, rape, molestation, alcoholic father.

I've been doing as much research as possible to understand bipolar and what she goes through with it.

Am I experiencing a switch from manic to depression? I do understand overwhelm is part of it.

Of course I want us to be together again, but more importantly, I just want to help her, but it's hard when she has slammed the door shut and it seems I just trigger her into anxiety. I'm doing some things to gently let her know that I'm still here for her and I won't abandon her.

Any advise of how I can help her through this?
Hi Kingdom,

From what you've said, it sounds like your friend has a lot more going on than simply Bipolar I disorder. In all honesty, it sounds like those other factors you listed (rape, molestation, childhood trauma) have a lot more to do with the situation than her Bipolar disorder. I say that because during a Manic episode most people experience heightened self confidence and probably wouldn't say something like "he's to good for me".

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you are probably doing all that you can be doing right now--just letting her know that you're there for her.
 
N

Nanook2020

Member
Joined
Nov 9, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Canada
My husband has been through ... I don't have the words to describe living with someone with bi-polar. I was diagnosed after we were married and he could have walked away a few times but hasn't. My daughter moved out at 14 to live with her dad. Found out couple months in that was big mistake but my husband is still here. I've tried to push him away when I've been manic. I've given stuff away, even his stuff. He has come home and things are missing, furniture, his bakeware just to name the 2 he teases me about the most. He's come home and there is new stuff that he needs to put up or that has just showed up since he last left for work. But living with someone with bi-polar will never be boring and at other times it will be soo crazy you will question if you can actually handle everything that comes with it. With bi-polar everything is to the extreme. When we are happy the entire world is happy. When we love it's with all of us. When we get angry it's either blow up or shut down no middle ground and look out. Our mood swings can happen in seconds, with the turn of your head someone with bi-polar mood can change. That is what she is afraid of. The depression that comes with it. My husband has done tons of research and is part of a group online.
The only way I can suggest to you if you want this relationship to work do research. Learn about bi-polar. If she is still talking to you that's good don't be pushy and keep it that way asking how she is doing. Once you feel you have a very good knowledge about it and since you've been talking to her to know how things should be going by know you been working into your conversations how much you love her that you have been doing research to better understand what bi-polar is. Whatever you do never tell her to just calm down, someone with bi-polar can't just calm down and it's a good way to get the look or some unfriendly words depending on the person.
So I hope I haven't scared you. I see where she is coming from if something were to happen and I find myself without my husband I would not be in another relationship.
 
K

Kingdom Man

Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Ohio
I think all of you are correct and on point for what she may be going through, thank you all for taking time to respond.

At this point, I'm going to just keep being there for her as best as I can, continue with educating myself as I have been about bipolar. Crazy as it sounds she is just one of those people that for some reason I can't walk away from.
 
C

Consideration

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
47
Location
England
No, it sounds like she is more concerned about the future of the relationship because of her illness, and how you will react when you see her go through her episodes. She may be trying to spare future emotional hurt by cutting the relationship off now. My wife did something similar before we got married. She started to have a lot of doubts and I had to convince her that I will do my best to support her with her illness if we stay together.

Her concerns are not unfounded. A relationship with a bipolar partner can be very challenging. I did a lot of research and thought I was ready. But when my wife recently had her first full blown manic episode, it was overwhelming. It really really takes a lot of commitment and understanding to work through it.
This does sum up your position quite accurately. Be ready for a rollercoaster that will derail at any time...
With her Bipolar diagnosis, I would also suggest EUPD connected to her past.

For this to survive you have to be patient/caring/understanding/knowledgeable and above all a saint.
You have anxiety and depression? This is not a good combination to help Mr. Bipolar!!

The hurt/confusion/medication - the questions/strain on your family will all come into the equation.

I love my Bipolar wife and the commitment is 24/7!!

It can work but remember you are walking into a minefield.

The best of luck

Warm regards
 
K

Kingdom Man

Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Ohio
Thanks for taking the time to reply Consideration!

Right Now she is pushing me away...hard!

I'm just giving her time to get her head together, the smallest things seem to overwhelm her currently, I'm just being patient, educating myself and I am letting her know I'm still here and that I do love, accept her as she is.

She doesn't really want to talk to me right now because it overwhelms her so much and she struggles to find her words when talking to me. I know she has built up a story in her mind and found whatever evidence she could that she's not worthy of a good relationship.

I'm in contact with her Mom and she's been giving me updates on how she's doing. Her mom and I have been working together to make progress in helping her as best we can.
 
C

Consideration

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
47
Location
England
Thanks for taking the time to reply Consideration!

Right Now she is pushing me away...hard!

I'm just giving her time to get her head together, the smallest things seem to overwhelm her currently, I'm just being patient, educating myself and I am letting her know I'm still here and that I do love, accept her as she is.

She doesn't really want to talk to me right now because it overwhelms her so much and she struggles to find her words when talking to me. I know she has built up a story in her mind and found whatever evidence she could that she's not worthy of a good relationship.

I'm in contact with her Mom and she's been giving me updates on how she's doing. Her mom and I have been working together to make progress in helping her as best we can.
The best way and only way forward is the Professional way with people who know and care.
I know from experience your situation is very similar to other carers and loved ones who have had to deal with Medication and Hospitalization.

The best of luck
 
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