Bipolar Mother

[StressedSon]

Hello all, I'm new here.
I decided to join as I thought I would get advice from people with experience of having bipolar disorder. You see, my mum is bipolar, and for the last 4 years since my dad died, she's been getting along fine, with a few ups and downs, but all-in-all has kept it together. But recently, over the past month or so, she has been deliberately missing appointments with her nurse, going on spending sprees and has gradually been getting worse. On Sunday she had an episode of mania and threw most of the things in the house away, including our canary, painted everything with icing sugar and was being strange in every way. Eventually she tried to take our dog out and do god-know-what to her, so me and my older sister decided we couldn't take it any longer and stopped her before she got out with the dog. She then shouted at us, saying we were threatening her, left the house and called the police, saying we had tried to poison her and scratched her face(which she had done herself with a knife). The police were very nice and after a little chat took her into hospital. After she got to the hospital, we thought she was going to be admitted because she was completely off her trolley, moving things into the garage, throwing things away, carrying about a knife, etc. but after a 20 minute talk alone with the psychiatrist and doctor, she came walking out with sleeping pills and said she was not admitted. We (my sister, my aunt and I, the only close relatives to my mum, although my aunt lives 2 hours away) were outraged that she had been released! So, we took it up with the doctor, saying everything that happened, how we hadn't slept for 2 days because she hasn't slept and is always up, banging and emptying things into the bins, etc. but the doctor just said that since she knew what she was doing (3 hours AFTER she could have killed our dog and us) that he "couldn't admit her" and that it was "the nature of the beast" so after I had done screaming at the doctor, we all went home, my mum took the sleeping pills and the next day she seemed quite a bit better, albeit still tired. But today she has went back to how she was the day before she started throwing things out and brandishing the knife, and we're worried that she's going to go manic again, where there's no talking to her and she listens to no one. I've been having to miss school to look after her and our dog and I'm worried I'll ruin my life because of my mum. She refuses help and me and my sister really need help and advice.

Thanks for reading,
Adam.

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi Adam

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time of it lately. All i can say is if she is still brandishing a knife then I would call the police again. The hospital may take more notice with a second incident. Your safety is paramount, so if you feel threatened in any way you do need to call them, and don't feel guilty about this, it sounds like your mother is suffering too.
The other thing I would do is speak to her Psychiatric nurse. They may know your mother better and might know historically how extreme her mania can get.
I don't know how old you are but there are support groups for young carers in the UK they usually have posters in the doctors surgery about them. If not speak to your surgery receptionist or the local mental health team about them. If you haven't already I would also get a carers assessment, that can lead on to you getting extra support from professionals to help care for your mother and perhaps some extra money. I would also speak to your school about it and see what they recommend. They may offer extra help outside of the main school hours perhaps by sending you content of any missed lessons, offering extra homework classes etc. Every school is different with how and what help they offer so you would need to ask them.

It can be hard living with persons suffering with mental health problems and at times very lonely for anyone especially young carers.

Please keep posting, this site is here to support carers too, in fact there is a forum here specifically for carers where people on there might be able to offer some support. I hope you get the help you need.

 

[StressedSon]

Hi Adam

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time of it lately. All i can say is if she is still brandishing a knife then I would call the police again. The hospital may take more notice with a second incident. Your safety is paramount, so if you feel threatened in any way you do need to call them, and don't feel guilty about this, it sounds like your mother is suffering too.
The other thing I would do is speak to her Psychiatric nurse. They may know your mother better and might know historically how extreme her mania can get.
I don't know how old you are but there are support groups for young carers in the UK they usually have posters in the doctors surgery about them. If not speak to your surgery receptionist or the local mental health team about them. If you haven't already I would also get a carers assessment, that can lead on to you getting extra support from professionals to help care for your mother and perhaps some extra money. I would also speak to your school about it and see what they recommend. They may offer extra help outside of the main school hours perhaps by sending you content of any missed lessons, offering extra homework classes etc. Every school is different with how and what help they offer so you would need to ask them.

It can be hard living with persons suffering with mental health problems and at times very lonely for anyone especially young carers.

Please keep posting, this site is here to support carers too, in fact there is a forum here specifically for carers where people on there might be able to offer some support. I hope you get the help you need.

Thank you very much for replying, sapphire. We have already got in touch with the hospital and they say if she brandishes the knife again, we should contact the police, who would escort her to the hospital. I think I will get in contact with her nurse tomorrow as even though my aunt has already spoke with her, we are getting no help in trying to get her into the only place she will recover, the hospital, so I will try and plead with her to get my mum admitted. I'm 14, and although I would like to go to a support group , I don't have the time while I'm juggling school life, my social life and the care of my mum and the house at the same time. It does feel very lonely even though I have my aunt and sister as we don't know what to do because this is the first time she's got this bad and not been admitted into the hospital. I swear I could've punched the fat git who, although at the time my mum wanted admitted, made excuses about her not being too bad even though she has already been to the hospital twice in the last month because she overdosed on her medication and had a panic attack.

Thanks a lot for your help,
Adam

 

[*Sapphire*]

No problems Adam. Maybe you will have more weight speaking to the psychiatric nurse because you are living with your mum, and in respect of your age and the little support you have.

Unfortunately it is sometimes a matter of appealing repeatedly to different persons involved in your mothers care to get the help that you and she needs.

I'm sorry you can't go to a support group. There may be some online groups especially for young carers you can access, that can offer you support whilst you are at home. Sometimes just venting your feelings and discussing your problems can be enough and help alleviate the loneliness. Just type young carers into a search engine and there is a wealth of information there for the UK. As i said there is also forum on here for carers you can access.

I would press for the young carers assessment though if you can. Managing your mum, school and the home is a great responisbility and they may be able to offer you some help or respite. I know some charities offer this help too. They may be able to help alleviate some of your commitments to allow you to attend a support group and other activities. And as I said do speak to your school, they do have a duty to help you in anyway they can to stop you from missing school and school work. They may also know of other charities and organisations that can help support you during these difficult times.

Oh and I forgot to say earlier to the forum.

 

[StressedSon]

Thank you so very much for your help, sapphire!

Adam

 

[StressedSon]

Update:
Tomorrow my sister has work and if she doesn't go, she'll lose her job. I have school but I'll probably have to end up missing it again. My mum has started throwing away the cutlery and we fear she's going to go manic by tomorrow. My school has no idea about my mum's illness and I can't tell them because I have been dodging school and making excuses to my mum because she doesn't think she's ill. She's ruining our lives and I'm beginning to hate her. I wish the hospital would take her in.

Do you think if I phoned my mum's nurse and told her EVERYTHING my mum is doing; our fears and worries, that her nurse would be able to phone the hospital and get her admitted? I don't even know if my mum is taking her tablets as we have never before had to, she has always done it herself but this time she doesn't think she's ill, and is very snappy so if we ask questions she will bite our faces off.

WILL WE EVER GET HELP?! WHY ISN'T SHE IN HOSPITAL?! CAN I PHONE HER NURSE AND GET HER TO COME OVER AND REALISE SHE IS UNWELL SO SHE CAN BE ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL?! MY MUM IS AT THE POINT WHERE THE ONLY PLACE SHE WILL RECOVER IS IN THE MENTAL WARD BUT WE AREN'T GETTING ANY HELP!

Thanks for reading.
Please post help/advice.
Adam

 

[GrizzlyBear]

Adam,

You could also contact the social work department for support? Your mum sounds like she needs support too but that is difficult if she doesn't want it.

I am surprised they did not admit your mum to hospital given the circumstances. Your mum could end up being arrested which is worse. I don't know what to suggest otherwise because it is so important you get the support you deserve and that your mum is currently unable to give.

I know you feel you don't have time/energy to go to a support group...but you may find that they can assist you in more ways than one. You have a lot on your plate and they might be able to get you some help with that. They may be able to point you in the right direction for support for your mum so she can become more stable again.

Hope you find some support here. Take care of you.

 

[white-witch]

Why do the services not 'listen'

Please do everything you can to get help for your mum before things get worse!

In 2003, I lived with my two sons in a lovely rented house I had lived there for 6 years. I went manic and did many of the things your mum is doing...I squirted prune juice all over...threw our belongings all over..carried a knife in case 'they' came to get me. My sons begged for help off the CPNs but they said I was ok...crazy! To cut a long story short I ended up smashing all the windows the police were called by a neighbour and I was held in police cells and seen by a psychiatrist and and was then sectioned. I was evicted and so were my sons..they got a flat.
When I eventually came out of hospital after 10 months I could not cope. I lost everything including my beautiful dog and ended up living on the streets for almost a year..my life is still a mess..if only the mental health services had listened all of what happened could have been avoided!

Don't give up..keep on at them and tell them everything your mum is doing.


belblac

 

[white-witch]

Just realised how young you are!

'She's ruining our lives and I'm beginning to hate her.'

I can understand you feeling the way you do..but your mum honestly cannot help what she is doing she is ill and should be in hospital.
Is there anyone else (perhaps your aunt) who can try to make the services listen?
My heart goes out to you. When it happened to me my sons were 22 and 21 and it was hell for them. I would never knowingly cause any pain or distress to my sons but this insidious illness did. I still feel guilty about it all and no doubt when your mum is well again she will also!

Take care

Anne x

 

[Merlin]

Your post made me cry... I'm a really assertive person, and it took me three weeks to get my daughter into a hospital, I knew all the people to ring, just couldn't get them to understand.... And I know how you feel about punching the fat bloke. ( The one I wanted to punch was a "skinny runt")

I truly hope you have managed to get things sorted, you sound like a such a smart caring young man, I'm sure your Mum must be so proud of you.I know I would be. xxxxxxxxx